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Lone parenting at weekends?

20 replies

ItsHammertime · 23/10/2019 23:29

I'm in a position where I need to get used to lone parenting over the weekends. However, I'm finding it quite lonely!
During the week, I have the school run and baby groups to keep me occupied, which I also enjoy. At weekends, I just feel lost and overwhelmed by the huge block of time to fill.
Many of my friends are busy spending time with their husbands and wider families. I don't have this luxury as my parents aren't around and my husband and I are in the process of separation.
Sometimes I find another Mum friend to spend time with, but I find it over-bearing when we end up in busy, bright soft play centres and I'm having to juggle the kids alongside conversation with friends. I find it hard work.
One of my closest mum friends' children both have ADHD and are extremely loud and boisterous, which makes it difficult to invite them to the house as it tends to get trashed.
Another Mum friend is lovely but will bore me with a huge monologue for hours on end and I feel deflated and exhausted by the end of the playdate.
For these reasons, I will often avoid making plans with other parents. Maybe I just need to find the right friends?
We sometimes go to the park, which can be nice, but lonely when I'm on my own with the kids.
My children are also quite far apart in age (5 year gap) so finding suitable activities for both of them to do can be difficult.
I really want to enjoy my weekends alone with them and stop dreading them. Any ideas of things we can do? Places we can go to?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BackforGood · 23/10/2019 23:53

Church ?
A walking group of some kind ?
An activity for the older one and you can entertain the younger one whilst you wait, for a bit..... eg older one plays in a football or rugby team and younger one and you have a kickabout on the side / go for a walk / go to a play park ?
Swimming ?
(Not sure how old they are but if appropriate) Park run ? (tho many do go round in a buggy, if the little one is that little)

ItsHammertime · 24/10/2019 19:25

Thanks @backforgood.
I really like the idea of a regular weekly group, but then think that if we wanted to randomly take a day trip somewhere it might be difficult.
My daughter attends a ballet class on Saturday mornings, but I'm usually the only parent who stays to watch. Perhaps looking into a different class that could benefit both of us could work.

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 24/10/2019 19:33

2 years into being a single parent I love weekends and look forward to them ! I appreciate that having only one child makes things easier.
We plan things on advance with different friends ( so not the same friend every week iyswim) that way you are not relying on the same people to fit you in all the time.
Other times we do stuff by our selves, taking trains and buses a lot as ds likes them.
We are not far from the beach and even in the winter wrap up warm for a beach walk and stop in a cafe for hot chocolate. Sometimes I take him over the park with his bike or scooter.
If we do have to stay in for any reason I have a supply of crafts .
I'll be honest with you, it's taken a while to build this up so don't rush yourself

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thatsmyumbrella · 24/10/2019 19:44

I'm not a lone parent but I am alone a lot at the weekends due to dh being away for work. I like to try and plan out what we are going to do and maybe have one really busy day where we've taken a big day trip and been out from first thing until dinner time normally do this on the Saturday. My dcs are both still young so go to bed fairly early. I then look forward to a take away and glass of wine or some kind of treat that night. On the Sunday we often go to the kids cinema in the morning (mine are early 5-6am risers) so it's good to get out or it can be a looong day. Then usually get organised for the week ahead visit a park, crafts, baking that kind and early bath and pjs hot chocolate and some games. I try and arrange things with friends who also have kids I normally invite them along to whatever day trip we are doing as it can be nice to have someone else along. For me the key thing is to have a rough plan of what we are going to be doing

HalyardHitch · 24/10/2019 19:49

I'm also not a lone parent but have two weekends a month alone. I agree - weekends are so much harder to be alone, especially with no family support.

I'm in a phase where I'm finding weekends really tough lately so following this thread for inspiration.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 24/10/2019 20:24

Came on here to add library !

Graphista · 24/10/2019 20:26

I found weekends really tough initially I don't agree 1 = easier if they have siblings they can play together and amuse each other. I felt often I wasn't enough for dd.

It got easier.

Soft play got a lot of business from us, then we moved somewhere that the local cinema had a cheap family film showing on a sat morning which we loved, we'd go to that then have lunch and a wander around local shopping mall and dd could get some cheap craft/colouring/pound shop toys which when we got home we'd play with.

Then we'd do a fun tea, either frozen pizza and chips or a "picnic" on the carpet

Once she was in bed I'd watch tv or a film I couldn't when dd awake, more grown up fare.

Sometimes I'd have a chat by phone with friends or family depending who was free.

We went through a phase of being involved with local church. I was raised catholic but actually am not particularly religious but it was a lovely friendly church and they had a great Sunday school dd loved and there was a lovely friendly and not overly religious vibe "cafe" time held in the hall after the service and the congregation and minister were very welcoming.

Then we'd take a wee walk to corner shop on way home, I'd get a Sunday paper and dd a comic and we'd get a treat sweetie each then home, dd would "read" her comic (mainly she'd be colouring in pages and playing maze games) while I did laundry and prepped us for the week (packed lunch, ironing uniform etc) we'd have music on and sometimes we'd have a little dance or singalong.

I'd do a simple/cheat version of a Sunday roast (dd tends to preferring traditional plain British food) for dinner including pudding which as dd got older she'd "help" with.

Then it'd be a bath for dd, plait her hair when wet so Monday mornings she'd have neat and tidy hair (believe me once a week was an achievement with dd! Grin)

After dd was in bed I'd have a long hot bath myself with music and a book.

Of course different people like doing different things and we didn't do the same every weekend. In summer we'd go to the beach, winter wrap up warm and go to the park, we'd also do things like go swimming, school fairs when they were on, local fairgrounds when they were visiting, as dd got older and more interested/able for such places we'd go to museums, art galleries (many of these do child friendly free or very cheap events in the school holidays anyway, sign up to local council/tourist board/the specific museum websites and you'll get emails and texts telling you about events and even for those that cost there's often vouchers sent via email or you can use things like Clubcard points etc to get money off.

We've been to dress up days where dd has "experienced" being a Victorian school child or a ladies maid and things all good fun, and educational too (and not just for the kids)

But the evenings are hardest. Plan things you'll know you'll enjoy, take up hobbies you can do at home, may sound old & fuddy duddy to some but I've done cross stitch for many years and at this time I went through a phase of doing baby and wedding samplers as friends and family were at that stage so it was something for me to do AND created a gift for them (which I think they liked as they still have them displayed), also knitting, crochet (quite a few friends seem into that now) adult colouring, painting by numbers (unless you're talented and can paint freestyle of course - one of my friends is very talented this way and when her children were little she'd of an evening do caricatures for people's wedding/new baby gifts), some friends baked, or did batch cooking. Some learned languages or did online courses to prepare for going back to work after mat leave or to try for different jobs. Some would play computer games, do diy, gardening, one took up an interest in photography so would take photos not only of the kids but anything that attracted her attention/looked interesting like ornate architecture features etc and then of an evening play around with different photo filters and printing techniques - think a fair few of those ended up used as gifts too and she won a few local photography competitions (cash prizes too!)

Also boring but time consuming but if money is tight evenings are a good time to create budget spreadsheets and keep them updated. As I say boring in itself but can lead to you freeing up money to do more fun things.

I've recently posted on one of the £10 a day threads too and some ideas on there for things you can do that can also bring in extra money like surveys etc

Anyway hope that's given you some ideas.

Graphista · 24/10/2019 20:30

"Came on here to add library !"

Oh yes definitely!

Generally only open short hours on a Saturday but many as well as having children's book sections have colouring sheets, competitions, children's events. They tend to do these on bank holidays too when many other free/cheap places can be closed.

Get books on children's cookery and crafts to get ideas for things to do too.

At times when I didn't have a computer too was handy for getting online info and dd would play games or print off colouring sheets - 5p a pop at this time bargain!

They also tend to know what else is going on in the community and what family friendly events are coming up.

NeedMoreMountains · 24/10/2019 20:31

Following as this will also be me soon!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 24/10/2019 20:47

It's really hard at first but i honestly love it now
I work full time and it's real quality time for us. Those weekends he's with his dad I don't know what to do with myself

ghostchild · 24/10/2019 20:47

Following, as like a pp I am alone with the kids for 2 weekends a month. Definitely not the same as a single parent but it does get incredibly lonely on those weekends.

Mine are very young still (1 and 2), so trying to find things to do that don't cost too much money and are accessible with a double buggy via public transport is very hard!

ItsHammertime · 24/10/2019 21:33

Yes that does sound hard @ghostchild. I still have one in a buggie too; she's very demanding so trying to entertain older dc at the same time is v hard work.

It is so lonely, particularly when there is not family around. It will be nice when they get older and we can enjoy cinema, crafts, baking together, but it's too hard at the moment with a younger, mischievous DC on the loose at the same time.

OP posts:
HalyardHitch · 25/10/2019 05:34

@ghostchild so weird. I have a one and two year old and am alone 2 weekends a month! I felt like I was reading my own post!

Cloudsandrainbows · 25/10/2019 06:50

I could have written your post! I'm not seperated, but feel I might as well be as only have my partner here every other weekend and in the week I work evenings when he's home.
I have a 4.5yr age gap, and completely understand the issues. I try to plan around younger DC nap times. Older DC loves crafts and will happily watch a film on a raining day. So I sometimes use nap time to let older DC draw or watch film while I shower or have a chat on the phone to my mum to feel a bit more human.
I try my best to plan each day the day before so minim housework to do, easy meals pre prepared, so if weather is good we can go out and don't need to rush back for time to cook a lengthy recipe.
Have you tried pottery painting? You and older DC could do it while younger is napping in buggy, and you could even do handprints for younger DC and use as Christmas presents?
Soft play can be torture at a weekend but if you go first thing, it's often not too bad.
I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but try to get out, even if just a walk to the shops, it does make you feel better. This is all new to you, and will take time to adjust, but in time I'm sure you will start to look forward to the weekends, and enjoy the freedom of being a lone parent.
Where abouts do you live?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 25/10/2019 09:09

Local shopping centres/ malls often have something on for kids, or even just walking around looking in shops passes the time and tires them out.

I do remember the baby and toddler years being so boring/ lonely / difficult but once they hit 3.5 it gets so much easier and you have a little friend who is such great company

Bubblesintheair · 25/10/2019 16:19

Just stopping by to point out that having a partner that works away some of the time is NOT anywhere near the same as the physical, financial and emotional burden of parenting alone!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 25/10/2019 17:00

I didn't want to say anything bubbles but you are right.
The first hurdle u face with lone parenting is having to carry on while you are going through all the emotions and worries a separation or divorce brings . Trying to stay jolly and active for your kids while trying to rebuild your life. It's not just the practical stuff

HalyardHitch · 25/10/2019 17:36

I didn't begin to say that it was similar. But the op was talking about filling weekends when being alone, hence why I replied

ghostchild · 25/10/2019 21:41

@HalyardHitch how bizarre! Well at least we know we're not the only nutters Grin

HalyardHitch · 26/10/2019 16:10

@ghostchild it's nice to know someone in the same boat. I also work evenings so am permanently at the end of my tether

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