I feel bad for feeding my baby formula

[Ladybugz]

My son is 1 month old. I pump breast milk for him about 75% of the time and the rest of the time he has powdered formula when i haven't had time to pump.
There is so much pressure from doctors, lactation consultants, other parents, and society in general to breastfeed that I feel guilty every time i have to give him formula. I know many people that formula feed their babies and I know that kids will grow up healthy despite being formula fed or breast fed, but with so much pressure from the outside world I feel like I am not doing good enough when i have to formula feed. I know I am being ridiculous to think this way, but I am part of a state-funded program that promotes breast feeding and they are so "on my ass" about it that they are causing me to stress out more.
Advice from moms who have formula fed their infants is needed!

1. He's getting plenty of breast milk!
2. In developed countries with clean water, the proven health benefits of exclusive breastfeeding vs combination feeding for full term babies are negligible.
3. Almost by definition, the child of any parent who agonises over this point is going to be brought up healthily. Are you going to put Coke in his bottle? Feed him nothing but McDonald's? No, thought not.

Enjoy your baby! Pumping is hard work, you are doing a great job doing all that. Formula is carefully-designed and heavily-regulated milk for babies, not poison.

What mizzles said! And especially points 2 and 3.

You could also check out Emily Oster’s chapter on the evidence about breastfeeding vs formula feeding in her latest book (Cribsheet). I think you would find it reassuring.

Dealing with pressure from others is a different matter, but your baby is getting everything he needs!

By 8 weeks I was feeding solely formula and don't feel guilty about it at all. He's now 9 months, a healthy weight, absolutely loving life and has never had a cold or any other illness. It's formula, not poison. People need to get off your back. I found people to be a lot less patronising/judgy if I was confident when I said he was formula fed. The thing that used to drive me mad was when people would ask 'are you still feeding him?' - I don't care if they want to ask if he's breast fed or bottle fed, but I always wanted to just sarcastically reply 'nah I just let him starve now' when they'd ask that specific question

I'm an old biddy now and I breastfed my kids but I got it in the neck from people who tried to persuade me to bottle feed. My MIL (because there must be something wrong with my milk because my baby was so colicky) and various people who told me that it had been discovered that pesticides and all sorts of other nasty chemicals had been found in breast milk. Because for all 'breast is best' our breastmilk is a product of what we eat and the environment we live in.
If you're a mother you're suddenly up for every judgement under the sun no matter what you do.
You're doing fantastic. Tell anyone who gets in your face that you're doing your best and stress won't help you or your baby. Or better still to MYOB. As for the messages coming from health experts and society, try to remember they change their advice and opinion all the time. ( I even remember my dad being told to smoke by his GP as it would help clear his chest). And yes we take note of official advice, but it will change and certainly isn't gospel. None of can do all the things that are supposed to be perfect, and if we did you can bet anything there'd be an 'ah but...' as to why we still fucked up.

Honestly, I don't understand why people put themselves through breastfeeding sometimes.
Let's break it it down

breast is best

Studies show benifits of breast milk in first world countries is negligible

Formula costs so much money

Probably not much in it when you add up the cost of nursing bras, creams, nipple shields etc

bottles are so time-consuming to wash/sterilise

You can use all that extra free time you have to prepare bottles! All the time your partner/parent/friend/sibling is feeding the baby for you. Voila!!

better bond when breastfeeding blah blah

Nope. People who breastfeed don't in fact love their kids more!
In fact it's easier for the other people in your life to bond through feeding, when feeding with a bottle.

Also, once they're not babies anymore, no one gives a shit! Don't put pressure on yourself OP. You do what works for you

I formula fed all of mine right from the start. I didn't breastfeed at all The only real negativity I had about it came from one midwife when DD1 was born. She was firmly told to leave the subject alone.

Feed your baby however you wish. Do whatever works for you.If anyone criticises then ignore them. The only opinion that matters is yours.

What everyone else has said, you're doing great! Your baby is fed, loved and looked after. You are doing a brilliant job! And the benefits of breast over formula is debatable in the western world.

My experience is, I wanted to breast feed and got really upset when I couldn't, (outside pressure like you) I found it painful (my son is easily distracted, chews and twists) I argued with my partner over it, he wanted to swap to formula as it was getting me down so much, I ended up expressing to feed him, 5 times a day, I've been doing it for 3 months and it's time consuming, about 4 hours of my day is spent with a pump attached to me. Half of me wants to swap to formula for ease, the other half wants to persevere as I said I would do 6 months.

I think you should do what works best for you and your baby, it's clear you care and adore him, otherwise you wouldn't be so torn up about it. Keep going, you're brilliant.

As long as your baby is getting fed that's all that matters your doing brilliant:)

Do whatever works best for you- it is your choice and you shouldnt feel guilty. With DD1 i had to formula feed as she couldn't latch/suck. I expressed for a few weeks but struggled to get the volume of milk so swapped to formula. I was made to feel guilty by the midwife and peer supporters which still makes me angry!. DD1 is now 7- bright sporty, slept 12 hours a night from 3 months and not a single day off school last year! DD2 was breastfed with no problem although I would have happily bottle fed and would not have felt guilty. FWIW She has allergies, excema and her sleep is still terrible (she is 4)! Of course noone cares how they were fed as babies! Im pregnant with DC3 and im hsppy to see how things go -whatever happens im not allowing anyone to make me feel guilty for feeding for my baby!

Some people are very suspicious of lactation consultants because they are known the down play how many women have trouble feeding their babies because if 99% of women can breastfeed you just need help! Then that justifies their existence. Skeptical OB blog covers this very well. Also people who were unable to breastfeed used to give their babies bread soaked in water. Don't let anyone tell you you're not doing a good job. I don't care if you put your kid in front of a tablet so you can enjoy a coffee or if you bottle feed, if you do what you can to make sure your kid is loved then you're doing great

God, am there at that point right now. I tried breastfeeding to the point I could - which was 6 weeks. I had to stop because I had agonising pain after feeds which went on for hours. No one could tell me what it was. I was treated and investigated for mastitis and thrush, vasospasm and raynauds. My baby got his tongue tie snipped. I was told the pump damaged my breast so stopped pumping as well. There was basically nothing more to do other than stop. But he has thrived since then. His weight is good, he continues to be active, and after his 8 week vaccination, am less paranoid about his immunity. He is a healthy 9 week old at present. But I still feel regret and guilt, which I realise is most when my in laws ask "did he feed well". I don't even know if they are judgemental or I am projecting my guilt. It's absolutely stupid but I can't help feeling like this every couple days. The only thing I tell myself is that my baby is healthy and happy and safe. The rest is our own expectations (and others). Its fine. Your baby is fine and loved. Try not to stress. And when those thoughts come into your mind, take a glance at your baby and see how well he/she is growing - you will feel better.

Did both. Exc bf my first for 2 years and now feeding formula all day and bf at night to DD2.

guilt is not uncommon in new parents. do what suits you and your family!

I felt the same when my baby was jaundiced, we had to go to hospital and I didn't have enough milk of my own. Even worse when the vomitted all the formula up. But you're giving your baby 75 percent of your own milk which is great!!
Don't be hard on yourself but I do understand.

I had to combi feed at the beginning and yes I know how you feel - I had to get DH to do the bottle feeds as I couldn't bare to watch him drink formula. Your hormones are still all over the place at that point so don't beat yourself up. By 2 months we could ditch the formula and boobed all the way. Hope it continues to go well for you

I exclusively express breast fed for six months. Hand on heart if I could go back I would give formula tops ups. At the time I saw formula as at best, failure, and at worst, giving the devil's own milk to my PFB.

Just wanted to say at 1 month you sound like you are doing great.
Ignore anyone who make you feel bad about your feeding choice and if they are "on your ass" tell them to get off.
You need to do whats best for you and baby, a stressed out mummy isn't the best for baby. So ignore them all and do what you thinks best for you and baby

Jeez, I hate all this pressure on mums!!
You have a baby, you have the capacity to make decisions that are in the best interest for your child and yourself. That is all there is to it.
Dont feel guilty. Be happy that you have a baby, enjoy the feeds, and believe in yourself
Anyone that puts pressure on you smile and say the baby is being fed well! Close the conversation down and nod smile.
Our lads were mixed fed and no one cared!

I agree to do what suits you, but just a thought that they might not be getting on at you, but giving suggestions/ support to how to get to the point where you can exclusively BF? E.g. more expressing = more milk supply. But if that's not what you want to do, then you just need to tell them. Xx

I breastfed for 4wks before deciding to switch to formula due to some physical and emotional health issues of my own - bubs is 9months now and a thriving, cheeky little thing full of sunshine. I still have occasional pangs of guilt about it but at the end of the day as long as baby is fed, warm and loved it doesn't really matter. Give yourself a break ❤️

Hiya, I have bottle fed from day one. I just didn't want to breastfeed. It is difficult, you feel a bit unsupported because there is so much pressure to breastfeed but it was going to stress me out so I did what I felt comfortable with. My little one is fine. I use a flask day and night and while the bottle is cooling I change his happy and we have got a nice little routine going. My baby is happy and healthy and I enjoy feeding him. You do what's right for you and your baby. It's difficult but as mother's we are judged whatever we do. I feel I made the right choice for us and as long as your baby is fed I wouldn't worry. I hope this has helped.

I have 1 formula fed child and 1 breastfed child; both are 100% healthy, happy, intelligent and perfect (ok well maybe that last part isn't entirely true - no child is perfect 😁) but do you know what, people had comments on how I fed both! As well as comments on every other aspect of my parenting too because people are horrible (or at least alot of people are).
The fact that you are worried about this shows that you are far from being a bad mum; bad mum's don't worry about what's best for their baby. This time is going to fly past so ridiculously quickly, and there will be a million and one other things you worry about throughout, I know it's easier said than done but try to trust that you are doing your very best for your child.

I formula feed my baby and I don’t feel guilty about it. He’s fine. I worry more about whether I’m going to get something to eat or not that day lol.
Everyone has an opinion on everything and ultimately you do what’s right for you and your baby. You’re doing a wonderful job.

lol my health worker implied formula was making my baby fat

i told her i was switching to bottles and her response was shes putting on weight quite fast you could be giving to much formula.I then said i was exclusively pumping in which her response was o ok.

If you breast milk or formula they are going to grow as they intend to be as healthy as they are meant to be .I had to switch to bottles because my daughter could not latch.Now before anyone jumps to conclusions my first daughter i breastfed for a year.I know how to breastfeed i know how to watch my baby,keep them contented it was easy with my first.

But my second could not latch it was painful at first and even after a month she was not getting it.She kept wanting food every hour for a hour to two hours she could not get into feeding every few hours.I tried for a month to get her to feed properly but to no avail.

I had to bottle feed but when i did she went from every hour to every 3 she finally got into a routine and eventually started sleeping more.I mix in formula time to time makes life so much easier shes still healthy.

I can only give you anecdotal data, but the factual stuff from pp above is excellent.
I couldn’t breast feed - i had undiagnosed retained placenta which meant my milk never came in. In essence, my body didn’t register that i was no longer pregnant. My DH made the decision for me when he found me and the baby sobbing on day 4, her from hunger, me from devastation that i was failing at this thing that i’d been told by everyone was necessary for a healthy happy baby. He drove straight to an all night supermarket, got some insta-formula bottles, and came home and fed the baby and sent me to sleep. 3 weeks later when i collapsed, they finally figured out that there was actually something wrong and i began to forgive myself slightly, but i never stopped feeling guilty that i wasn’t giving DD the best start in life.

She’s now 4.5 - healthy as a horse, happy, bright, and i’ve just got home from her first parents’ evening at school which was positively glowing. Turns out, i wasted a lot of angst and months of tears on a non-issue. Wish i’d known that at the time.

Don’t beat yourself up, you care and you will do your best. That’s all any baby needs.

Ah you are doing fine, your baby is being fed.
I’ve got three adult sons, all fit and healthy. Bottlefed as I have severely inverted nipples . Child 1 nearly starved in the first 2 days of trying to grab hold of non existent nipples!
This was in the 80’s when loads of women breastfed and I had some rude comments which upset me at the time. Now looking back with age and wisdom I should have told them to shut up.
On one thread like this a while ago someone actually said anyone can breastfeeding feed, even with inverted nipples. She was soon silenced.
People should mind their own business. No one knows what’s going on and in my case one nipple wasn’t even connected to any milk ducts!