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Parenting

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Original poster

What can I do with my miserable 12 year old?!

11 replies

foamrolling · 21/10/2019 22:34

He's always been prone to miseries/anxiety and it tends to come in cycles. We're in a down cycle at the moment, sparked I think by us not allowing him to have Grand Theft Auto.

All his spare time for the last 5 days or so has been spent with him wandering around looking miserable, occasionally crying, because he 'has nothing to do but doesn't want to do anything'. We have suggested umpteen things that he refuses to engage with and dragged him out to do stuff - he's remained miserable.

His friends are all either on GTA or engaged in after school activities - he used to do these activities too but has dropped down to just one after school activity. There are no kids locally for him to play out with.

I'm not sure how best to handle this. I've been concentrating on remaining calm while trying to engage him in stuff - he enjoyed some cooking last week and will sometimes watch tv with me but that's about all I've managed.

Any ideas? Do I let him get on with it or take control and drag him along to some set activities? TIA

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BlueChampagne · 22/10/2019 12:23

No words of wisdom I'm afraid, only sympathy! Is it half term where you are?

Original poster

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 12:37

Thanks! Even sympathy helps. Not half term until next week and if he's still like this it's going to be miserable :(

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GreenTulips · 22/10/2019 12:38

Do you get a game out to play, or teach him some card games?

Mine have a stash in the living room and it does work

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Original poster

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 13:13

We have tons of games and card games but he won't play with them. I love a card game!

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JellyBabiesSaveLives · 22/10/2019 13:23

I generally make mine do housework. They find ways to amuse themselves miraculously fast.

Original poster

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 13:44

He just heaves a sigh and does whatever I've asked him to do. That works a treat on his younger sister though

OP posts:

BlueChampagne · 22/10/2019 15:42

Maybe he'll engage in a discussion about what to do in half term, if you are in a position to do some things together. Perhaps at the end of the week when being miserable is getting boring (hopeful suggestion).

BellaBattenburg · 22/10/2019 15:58

Don't give in to GTA. I hate it with a passion and have not allowed my boys (17 and 12) to have it, even if they pay for it themselves. I won't have it in the house- and I won't pay electricity for them to play it....It's not an entirely rational hatred as they play many other games that are violent and above their recommended age!
Can your DS have friends round? Does he have friends? What do his friends like to do? My DS discovered Fire Cadets at 16 having done no activities since he left primary school. He says he wishes he'd discovered it earlier.
Other than that, he doesn't really go for organised stuff but likes to do weights and exercises in his room or at the outdoor gym when the weather's good.
We often go to one of those public ping pong tables near our house.

Original poster

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 19:15

Blue - I'll certainly try and engage him in a discussion and will probably just organise a couple of bits myself.

Bella, that's my thoughts about GTA exactly. It's not crossing my threshold. He is very welcome to have friends over whenever he wants but he absolutely refuses to ask anyone - he is quite an anxious boy and I think he's convinced they'll either not want to come or not enjoy when they are here. They all enjoy when I organise stuff though. His friends are very sporty and he used to do the same sports but we've struggled to get him to anything except one swim session a week because he doesn't want to go and when we've forced the issue, thinking he'd enjoy it once there, he's been utterly miserable.

Anyway, some small success tonight. He's baked a cake with me! Even came to the shop willingly to get the ingredients. We offered him a choice of doing that or going for a swim with his dad but told him doing nothing was not an option. We'll keep trying that tactic I think...

Thank for the kind replies, it's nice just to feel a bit of parental solidarity!

OP posts:

BellaBattenburg · 22/10/2019 21:15

Offering a choice of activities is a good strategy - it's a bit like giving a toddler some power/ choice- do you want the red cup or the green? do you want a cheese sandwich or ham? It's good he has responded - and the cake baking has benefits for all!!!
Rereading your post, making suggestions for activities he may enjoy don't really get to the bottom of his lack of enthusiasm or his anxiety. It could just be he's a slightly anxious personality and he's just hitting that fug of teenage hormones??? Or do you think it could be something more than that.
I had no energy or interests as a teenager. I was absolutely, thoroughly and properly depressed for years but no one picked up on it.

PattyGoniaDC · 24/10/2019 14:45

Interesting to read this, my son is a bit younger but Im worried about screen time. Then its hard to get them interested in something else. Baking sounds good, we are going to join the gym and see what else we can do there, any other ideas welcome!

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