Sad because I didn't want to come back to the UK after a lovely time at home

[emkana]

[sigh]

I just miss my friends back home so much, and my family, and even after nine years in the UK I haven't been able to make friends which I feel as close to as to my friends in Germany.

[sigh again]

yes

. I really know how you feel. It's why we did move back to the uk.

when I was in spain though I found other expats - not necessarily brits, but south americans or french people - more understanding than most spanish people, and ultimately better friends actually. that's not to denigrate spanish people, it's just I had more in common with expats I think.

and family...that's a big one. can you visit home more?

I go over as often as I can, and quite a lot really - have just been for nearly a month, going again October half term, also went in April, at Christmas...

where do you live in the uk? maybe you're not in the right place here?

I'm in Gloucestershire.

I do feel sometimes that it would be a lot easier if I was in London, more chances to meet other Germans/expats.

hi
sometimes it is tricky were ever you are

or any city really. can you move?

a few years ago we moved to a tiny village in Spain and it was horrible. but we found a nice medium sized town with a very mixed population and it was a million times better. (i know we moved back anyway but thought I'd mention it).

Sorry SP rude of me not to reply

There's no chance of us moving, dh's family is very close and they would miss us too much/would be missed, especially by the dd's/also very useful in terms of occasional childcare.

Also dd1 very happy at her school and dd2 about to start.

Hi emkana, I can really understand how you feel. Have lived in the UK for 11 years now and I start to miss my family more and more. Go back quite a lot and don't necessarily miss Germany but just being closer to my family. Have started to feel that way especially since I have had my 2 children and they always have such a lovely time with Oma und Opa. But at least your children have grandparents close by, that is such a huge advantage.

Emkana, I really feel for you too .

Even though I have been living in the UK for 16 years, I still do not feel 'at home' here. I don't feel particularly unhappy and there are things that I like here, for example the cosmopolitan, international community and the (primary) school system.

But, I do miss a lot about Germany, and not just my family.... I like the more 'equal' society, the healthcare system, the efficiency, the much lower cost of living, the wonderful subsidised outdodor swimming pools .

Perhaps you can try to spend your holidays in Germany - does your dh speak German? Or, given the much, much lower German property prices, even consider buying a rental property that you could use part of the year. How does your dh feel about spending time in Germany with you?

I know how you feel emkana. I miss Dublin and my family. Especially my sisters' children. DS loves his cousins so much and they love him. I think I feel that more for him as he is an only one - DH was an only as well and doesn't understand the pull of siblings.

Having said that there were various "issues" with my sisters over the summer and DH did point out that we were better off at a distance!

Thanks for replies.

We do spend as much time as we can in Germany, but I don't think we can do any more.

FWIW, one month on I feel a bit more settled again here, but still a little bit lonely.

Hi there,

sorry you are feeling a bit homesick. I know how horrible that is. I also feel bad that my DCs don't see so much of their grandparents.

Sometimes I wonder if it is better not to go home too often. The years where we have been home in the UK a lot have been harder for me to cope with. Plus, since we have stopped going home so often (because I have started working and can only go in the school hols) I have made more friends here.

When I first decided to stay in Germany, I had no idea how torn I would become. I do feel very much at home here but would love to go home. Peversely I don't think I would now like to live back in UK, for some of the reasons you mentioned such as healthcare.

Thank God for Ryanair, Easyjet etc.

emkana, I think if you are there for the long-term and there is practically no chance of moving either to Germany or to a different part of the UK, you may need to place yourself in an environment where you might make real friends.

The people we meet through having dc often have little more in common with us than having dc themselves. When your dc a bit older and less of a handful, I wonder if there is a chance of you working part-time in a field that interests you, perhaps not specifically what you trained for originally but something connected to that.

You might meet more like-minded people through work (depending of course on WHAT work it is), or through further study/training of some kind.

I think when you're going through a phase of not experiencing the level of friendship and empathy you'd like from your partner, those feelings of being cut adrift can become particularly strong. I think you need a couple of really good female friends. I don't think they would have to be German but maybe with other non-Brits, you would feel a more immediate connection because of a similarity of situation?

Torn is the best word to describe a good number of us, who are currently living in a different country. I've spent most of my time here in England feeling alone and missing my family and my much loved friends. But now that we are facing the possibility of moving back I really feel ambivalent. I'm pretty sure I'll miss England almost as much.

I think franca you are scared of feeling let down. You will slot back into life in Milan, I'm sure of it but I expect you have to accept that you will have to put a lot of work into it, like you do if you make a new start anyway. DECENT COFFEE - think of it. Shop assistants who wear GLOVES to handle the food. Italy is so civilised. It just is very expensive and maybe more of a struggle.

I'm so envious that your dh looked for a job in Italy. I wish I know how you wangled that. Womanly wiles perhaps?

LOL! Coffee and gloves are quite bizarre signs of civilization! . Italy can be a pleasant part of the world to live in, but seriously some things have always driven me mad (more now after 8 yrs in England). Think politics. Think Berlusconi. Lega nord. Rudeness, etc.
Do you find that italy is that expensive? Possible more than germany, but I still find Britain more expensive. At least the cappuccino
No, no womanly wiles. He probably got fed up of me nagging. Ups last summer I actually cried when waiting for the ferry to go back to England. I was actually crying because of the cold... I'm joking. I think he feels this might be a good time to go back (as we've always believed we wanted to go back), and that if he gets too frustrated by the academic system he can find a job back here. Come and see me in Milan!

SSSandy, I think you are spot on, I do hope to work part-time at least once ds is a bit older, and I'm hoping that I will meet like-minded people then.

Tbh, I don't feel too bad atm, having got back into a routine with school etc.

kindersurprise, I wouldn't consider going to Germany less, my mum is on her own and I would feel guilty not to see her as much as poss

SSSandy, I think you are spot on, I do hope to work part-time at least once ds is a bit older, and I'm hoping that I will meet like-minded people then.

Tbh, I don't feel too bad atm, having got back into a routine with school etc.

kindersurprise, I wouldn't consider going to Germany less, my mum is on her own and I would feel guilty not to see her as much as poss

Now you have me interested in the gloves situation in Italy, I have never noticed that. We are going to Rome next Tuesday so I must pay more attention to what the shop assistants are wearing.

emkana
I can see your problem, it is something that worries me a bit too. My parents are both reasonably fit and healthy but I do think about the future and how they would cope not seeing us so often. Fortunately for us and for my parents, my brother has a new partner and my parents get on very well with her. So the pressure is off us a bit as they have a step-grandchild at home now. Not that they miss our DCs any less, but the day to day problems are easier I think.

I have a few really good friends here, and now we might be moving to Switzerland soon. The thought of starting all over again is quite daunting.

well kinder, I think you should report back on the gloves situation in Rome. You'll have to visit as many delis as you can .
I'd find starting "all over again" extrmely daunting as well. When are you moving?

Franca, I will check out as many delis in Rome as I possibly can, all in the name of scientific research of course.

We are not sure yet when we are moving, hopefully before DD starts school next summer.