how to solve feeding, dummy vs thumb arguements within group of mums? Advice please

[KangaMummy]

I belong to a group of mums with different aged children. Our husbands all work for same company.

Anyway today we all met up for coffee.

my DS 9yrs at school,
A has 8yrs DS school & 9 week DD breastfed thumb
B has 2yrs DD and 9 week DS bottle dummy
C has 2½yrs DS and 1 yr DS breastfed I think
D has 9 month DD bottle
E has 8 month DD bottle

As C, D, and E are new. It was the first time they joined us for coffee.

This morning arguements about thumb verses dummy A upset B, saying thumbs were natural and other people saying that dummies could be taken away when the child was older. They all got upset.

Breastfed baby A is 9 weeks and is not growing/gaining weight only put on 8oz since birth [was 7lb 6oz] but A is determined to carry on feeding herself has been told by HV that she needs to top up with bottle so did that and baby A put on 4½ oz in one week. Very unsettled baby constantly feeding.

Bottle fed baby B has put on 4lb since birth [was 8lb 7oz] and has dummy. Very happy contented baby.

mums C D and E were very opinionated about everything and seemed to wind the whole situation up. As well as having their own heated discussions.

I kept out of it all because DS was breastfed but to get him home from NNU I had to bottle feed also he had a dummy to help him in NNU. So I realise all the points of view and the emotions.

The question is how to tell mum A breastfed thumbsucking baby that her baby may need another bottle?

Also how to diffuse arguements about dummies vs thumb sucking? Also bottle vs breast?

Myself and A and B have been together for years without any problems it just seemed to be today that everyone joined together for first time.

How do you stop arguements and the competitiveness?

I just said all families and babies are different and what works for one will not always work for another.

The problem is with all this feeding thing is that as my DS was in NNU ITU he was fed by drip then tube fed ebm then breast fed with bottle fed top ups then bottle fed.

As it all had to be measured out timing wise he fed every 4 hours and not a moment before or after when he came home so that was how he stayed.

So I know nothing about breast feeding normally. I only know what other people tell me or that I have read etc.

I think what you've said is fine and they will all work that out for themselves one day! I would encourage everyone to realise that they know what is best for their abies and are doing the best for their individual children but what works for one doesn't work for every single bay born.

As for suesting your friend gives another bottle, how about suggesting ways she can increase her supply? Increasing her food and drink intake, taking fenugreek supplements, drinking fennel tea etc etc?

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I always assumed it would be a bit like PG - that the baby would take what it needed first, and leave you with whatever was left over

Rise above it all... these arguements will, and do go on ALL the time. (check some of the MN threads!)
You can't stop arguements and competitiveness- it is a basic human trait.

All you can do is make everyone comfortable, and then leave them to it.
Don't get involved.

Funny how you think just because you have a child you 'know' the answers.

Fact is nobody is right,and nobody is wrong.
I just wish we could all relax a bit more and not be so judgemental about others!!!
Rant over

socci - Aloha is quite right. Eating more is not going to increase her supply. Feeding more will. By introducing a bottle instead of feeding she will end up decreasing her supply as she is not stimulating her breasts for more milk.

It is rubbish to say she needs more calories, rest etc!

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Sadly a lot do!
A lot of women give up bf because they're told their milk is not good enough or enough.
I'd shout it from the roof tops if necessary that this is not true!

here

If anything exercise can increase your supply!

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You eat to hunger and drink to thirst. You would have to be verging on malnutrition for it to affect your supply. Introducing a bottle is what will affect her supply although of course loads of people sucessfully mix feed if they want to. If she doesnt then she doesnt need to.

Breastfeeding uses calories but you just eat to hunger. It is not going to affect your milk supply.

Everyone should eat three meals a day.

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