anxiety when taking DS out

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Hi,

I have a 1 1/2 year old son. As he can walk, run etc he does not like the buggy. I find it really difficult to keep him under control at Asda, or wherever it is that we may be. I have lost a bit of confidence and feel really anxious when taking him out with me. It all started when I noticed people giving me looks, staring, shaking their heads..I also heard someone say to the person with them "if that was my kid id smack them". This threw me off, and ever since then I feel embarrassed to go out anywhere with DS.

He will stand in the aisle, pick something off the shelf and then when its time to walk to another aisle, he will start fussing and lay on the floor whinging, crying etc. I understand that this is normal and it is only going to get worse lol..
I just wanted to ask how you deal with this sort of situation? I have tried walking off, he has gotten to the point where he doesnt care now. He will happily see me walk off and start giggling to himself. Not a care in the world! I know the problem is with me, and not DS.

Id love to be able to overcome this sort of thing, because it is stopping me from going out even to get groceries. The other day I needed to go collect something from a shopping center, but I decided that id become too anxious if DS starts running about, bothering strangers and people would judge me..so I didnt go. On my days off, id like to actually go out and not be stuck inside the house due to my anxiety.

I sound like a weak character and i probably have become one now, im just sick of it

has anyone else experienced this? or can anyone offer any advice?

x

Tough if he doesn't like the pushchair. He'd be in it if I was busy shopping/running errands. Fair enough he'd be running free if we were at the park but really it's not safe him running around supermarkets and shops. Something could fall on him if he's grabbing things or he could get lost.
Give him something to occupy himself and chat while you are walking round.
I know it's not that easy especially if he is trying to escape the pushchair but I'd persevere. Try small journeys in his pushchair and reward him when you get to your destination.

If it’s difficult for you in shops then maybe a consistent rule - reins when out and about but pushchair when in shops.
Mine had a phase when the hated the pushchair. So this was my strategy - when they go rigid as you try to strap them in wait for an intake of breath before the next scream, push firmly and swiftly on the chest region and then strap them in quick. Put the straps in position so you can do this quick.
Do you have anything attached to the buggy -little books or toys, a favorite comforter? That might help.
Remember you are in charge and he is a very little person who wants to be in charge but does not have the logic or road sense.
I have also worn ear plugs in the past when there was a bad tantrumming phase of being in the buggy.
Very small snacks to hand out while you are in the supermarket are good too - halves of grapes, small cubes of cheese, pieces of cracker. Keeps them occupied.
I know a lot of people don’t like reins however I though they were great. I had the backpack style. Stopped DC from running off and if they lie down you can just scoop them up. They were also proud to put something in the back pack too.
Good Luck!

I just don't go to the supermarket unless my toddler is strapped in a buggy or in the trolley. I couldn't cope with him walking! Could you go shopping at the weekend or evening (if you have a partner to have him) just to save the stress?

I'd start off with just going easy places, toddler groups, the park, the woods etc and build it up from there. Our library has a great kids section and have singing sessions with plenty of crazy toddlers running around so you'll be in good company.

Oh and before you know it he'll have grown out of it (and you'll be onto the next challenge).

I feel your pain as I have the same situation with my 16 month old. She has hated her pram since day 1 and I have had several occasions where I have been stuck in public with her screaming at the highest pitch imaginable! So we don’t use it much now at all.

My only advice is - online shopping! Focus on going to toddler friendly places/ activities. Reins and bribing with snacks. DD will sometimes sit in her pram when she has a biscuit. Have you thought about getting a trike? DD likes hers more than the pram so we use that a lot now if we are walking somewhere local.

I think it’s just one of those things we have to wait to pass. How ridiculous that you have noticed people staring/ making comments- surely everyone has been there? Take no notice. It sounds like you are doing a great job getting on with things.

Imo being such a doormat to a baby is not helping your mh.
Remember you are the adult.
Trolley or buggy.
Simple.

You are allowing your toddler to be in charge. He's not in charge, you are. Put him in the buggy, strap him in and show him who's in charge. I used to take mine to the supermarket cafe or a coffee shop halfway through our trip. I would get a tea for me and a small biscuit or snack for my toddler and he'd be let out of his pushchair for a stretch of legs. Any bad behaviour and he'd be back in the buggy. He soon learned he had to behave to get the cookie in Tesco Cafe.

He’s 18 months old. He’s not the boss.
You’re going to need to be a bit firmer with the buggy rules.
However I didn’t take my DD to the supermarket for a long time between the ages of 2. & 4 and just used delivery/ click & collect.

I nearly ran into a toddler in a supermarket yesterday. She came tottering around a corner and I had to swerve to avoid her. Mother was in pursuit, in a limp sort of way.

I'd stick him in the trolley sest, give him each item and ask him to put it in the trolley for you.

Definitely trolley while in supermarket! Give him a snack to keep him occupied

Mine is 21 months and there's no way I'd let him walk round the supermarket unrestrained. He goes in the trolley every time. If you don't want to do that, have you considered reins?

I stick my ds in the trolley and feed him snacks the entire way round just to stop him screaming. It's what works for me! He would be a nightmare if not in the trolley or buggy.

No way I’d ever let either of my kids walk around in a supermarket under the age of 3. Trolley or buggy. My eldest would simply have bolted within seconds as he was a runner. I’m stressed thinking about it.

Trolley plus lots of snacks. It’s the only way for me

Put them in the trolley or pushchair, use reins or do all your shopping online. He needs to understand who’s in charge! To be honest even my 3 year old usually sits in the trolley as he still can’t always be trusted to walk nicely and not get in people’s way. Take him to the park before or after for a good run.

Mine walked with me from a young age. I would get them to put things in the trolley and then do the ‘oh wow amazing’ ‘you are sooooo very good at that’ I limited the shipping time to 20mins top

Also, I didn’t fight them if they put something in the trolley if I didn’t want it (no point reasoning with a 18 month year old) I just put it back when they were not looking.
Those out of town ASDAs are massive, maybe try a local shop and build up.

Mine would snack on oranges on the way round!

The whole running thing is a game for them, so you’ll have to find s new one! Eg who can find the apples!!!

You do have to find your confidence though

Dont let the opinion of others (especially strangers) stop u doing what u want to do. Your toddler is behaving like a toddler (unreasonable lol). Its nothing every parent hasn't delt with. I would just pick him up at 18 months and take him where u want to go. When he is slightly older u can start rules. Like walk beside me. Listen to me or go in trolley. You are the boss. Be consistent firm engaging and it will soon get easier (well it will get easier most of the time at 4 and 7 mine still have their off moments but nobody is perfect). Its a hard age 18 months because they want independence they arent ready for. And are mobile but unaware of dangers. Please dont stay behind close doors though. Let those who want to judge. Who really cares what they think. If u know u are a good mum trying her best (which I am sure u are) then nobody can ask more.

Reins and bribery. Do you want to sit in the pushchair and have milk and a snack? Let’s go super zoomy fast (you need to make zoom noises). Always make the next step more exciting but transitions are always difficult for little ones.

I’d suggest:

Reins for the small trips where you are grabbing a couple items, you are in control.

Trolley & snacks for supermarket shops. Strap your kid in, give them a box of raisins, a banana, breadsticks .. have a shopping list. Don’t dither and spend ages choosing items! They’ll get fed up!

Shopping in town- it’s buggy and snacks. Again, I wouldn’t dream of taking my kid for a long mosy round while I clothed shopped, she’d go insane! But again, go with purpose and get your shopping done!

You are in charge but tantrums are to be expected. My 2.5 year old is very prone to a tantrum in public as we tend not always be able to do what she wants, unlike at home!

Bet he loves a walk in the park though? Kids hate shopping. It's boring. Do most of it online. Or if you have to go, give him tasks to do, like picking the apples or getting things off the shelf for you. Or time it for his nap.

Oh heavens, it's really hard and I feel your anxiety. I was you with DC1 (who is the most mellow, easygoing 17 year old now).
It didn't exist when he was small, but with my other two kids, especially my last, I became BFFs with online shopping. Maybe during this phase, make life easy on yourself. Online groceries/shopping is your friend.

Get outside to the playground and skip shops for now. It will all pass.
I'm a big believer in compromising and making life run as smoothly as possible. You have to sort of lean into reality and do what you've gotta do to keep sane and safe.

My DD was similar but is better now at 2.5. I didn’t go clothes shopping, popping to town anything like that for a long time as it was miserable. She would just cry and cry in her buggy whatever I did! We just went to the supermarket when needed. I’d get a big shop delivered, and would only go to the supermarket for top up stuff - she couldn’t handle it for long without going loopy.

She would always be in the trolley as she would run off / grab things (again, much better now and she can help me put things in etc)

I would do what PP suggested and give her some small snacks. Also talk lots about what we were doing / buying, get her to hold some stuff etc.

I would try and make sure that, before going shopping, DS has had a good opportunity to run around with freedom (in the park, woods or whatever) then a drink and a snack so that you know he's not hungry then head to the shops and put him in the pushchair or trolley.

You are the parent and you make decisions about these things. I've been very resolute about this sort of thing and generally there will be a short phase of fighting against it before they accept that this is just the way things are.

If he's in the pushchair having a good scream then ignore any 'looks' you feel you're getting from others. Either they'll actually be looks of sympathy or, if they're not, they're not worth a second thought anyway.