Single parent

[Freeman94]

Hi guys
I'm a single parent due to the father not wanting to support me during pregnancy and then not wanting to know her
I just wondered if anyone has any advice or in the same position
Is it normal to feel guilty as she's not getting the full package if that makes sense
Thanks

I’m in the same position as you, my DS’ Dad wasn’t around during my pregnancy and refused to meet DS. I often worry my DS will miss out but I try to make up for it by being the ‘whole package’ myself - Mum guilt is real!

DS's dad isn't around, due to being an abusive fuckwit. For me, it was a clear case of my son being happier without him around. At one point, he spent almost a year getting to know his dad (through phone calls, once a week at most), before finding out what happened between us, then he asked for space. He hasn't heard from his father since.

I used to fear the same, but I've given my son all I can, without neglecting myself. Take the help offered by family and friends. Use any local mother and baby groups. Hell, the forums here were a lifesaver (especially when my SIL tried to convince me my son was the spawn of satan at one point...)

When she's older, she'll remember who was there, not who wasn't. You've got this.

SIL tried to convince me my son was the spawn of satan at one point.

Tells you all you need to know that sometimes children thrive better in a LP family than with a batshit crazy family.

OP, I am a LP, been that way since he was 6 months old, it has its highs (no toxic dad around) and its lows (everything is up to you).

One thing, it makes you stronger, stronger than you ever knew possible.

I feel guilty everyday. I see other families (with a dad) out and about and I just feel sad for my DS. I worry if I'm enough. I worry if he's going to miss out. I worry about him missing out on activities in the future because he comes from a one-paycheck family. I'm so hard on myself.

However, 90% of the time I'm able to snap out of this mindset... I may not have a shed load of money, but I've worked hard to create a beautiful home for us. I go without a lot, so that he can have beautiful things and I'm happy to do so... Once a week I have an afternoon to myself to catch up with friends or curl up with a good book. I make a point not to completely neglect myself, and that's so important.

Although my son's father has nothing to do with him, I have a good support system. My son adores my parents, and I make a point to see my ex inlaws too, (their son is a cretin but it's important for DS to maintain a bond with all grandparents).

So, yeah, the guilt is normal, just don't let it define your outlook. I'm sure you're a kickarse mumma and your child isn't missing out!!

FWIW, DS came home from the school the other day and declared "Dads are too much hassle. I'm glad I don't have one."

He'd been listening to (and getting angry about) his best friend's rants about her father.

Hasn't been easy, and hell, after losing my brother, girlfriend and job in the same year I really struggled to hold it together, but I've got a well measured child who has the confidence to stand up for himself, stand up for what he believes in, will accept consequences for his actions but will actually reason with me when he feels I've been unfair.

OP, two parents doesn't guarantee a happy, secure child. What does is a secure family where those involved with the child are involved because they want to be.