Three year old says no when he wants something

[zhaviva]

Any tips for managing a 3 year old who has massive fits after losing out on something he has said no to? Example: can you lead us upstairs? No! Are you sure you don't want to go first? No! Ok. I start climbing stairs, setting off massive strop about how he wanted to go first.

Happens all the time, even when I give choices. Do you want red cup or blue cup? No! Ok. Here's the red cup. Cue massive fit about wanting blue cup.

It's driving me bonkers

What happens when he kicks off, does he get the blue cup etc?

Eurgh dd is like this. Is it a 3 year old thing?! I just do not give in and say “well you said no, next time tell me yes”.

It’s working very gradually! I do remind her that if she says no it means she doesn’t want whatever I’m asking and she’ll usually realise.

If he says no he needs to learn that he won’t get whatever it is he said no to. That’s the only way to get him to say yes.

I had this with dd and figured it was testing boundaries and power etc.

I did same as pp and said “you said no darling. Next time say yes if you want it” and carry on.

Thanks for the replies!! No, he doesn't get the blue cup or whatever he fussing over. Usually once he kicks off about one thing he will spiral into five more things (I want to sit there! (Where ever someone else is sitting), I don't want to eat this! Etc) and the rest of us carry on until eventually he calms down. Sometimes he is aggressive (hitting or biting) in the fit and I put him in another room and tell him he can come back when he's ready to be calm. That tends to work ( he calms quickly by himself) but it would be nice to avoid the whole thing.

I'm glad to hear other three year olds do this too

No meaning yes and no meaning no are a normal part of language development as a child tends to hear the word "no" a lot when doing something they want to do.

Don't ask yes or no questions. Don't accept yes or no answers. "Red cup or blue cup?" instead of "do you want the blue cup?". "Mummy goes first or Jonny goes first?" instead of "do you want to go first?"

Absolutely normal 3 year old infuriating behaviour, this too will pass

Threenagers are challenging. Sounds like you are doing everything right, it does pass (says a mum of three kids who were angelic two year olds and then they turned three.........)

I agree with what yoba said

My daughter is four and still will have moody days when she doesn't get her own way. Not as often now but it still happens. My DD often does is with bedtime. I'll take her up and say come on, you have school tomorrow let's have a bedtime story. She will say no I don't want a story. Then I say ok goodnight you can go to sleep straight away then. Then she starts crying saying she wants a story. If I go and get one she says no again.

I basically try and give her 2 chances then I stick to the chance is over.

3 and 4 year olds are something else in my opinion haha. Two was a walk in the park compared to the sass and attitude

It’s hard making a choice when you’re only 3. Sometimes they want both options, or don’t understand (or just don’t like) that if they opt for option A, they can’t also have option B.
‘Playful Parenting’ by Lawrence Cohen is a nice book for managing this sort of thing.

Totally agree with above advice with avoiding yes and no answers.

Mine does this too OP (age 3.5) and so do lots of his little friends. Immensely frustrating and I do the choice thing suggested by another poster but still sometimes get no (‘Cheerios or shreddies? No cereal!’). I just select for him if that happens and it’s his own lookout if he doesn’t eat breakfast etc (which never happens in that particular example, he’ll always come sulkily to the table a few mins later, pick up a spoon and eat the Shreddies). I assumed it was just a pushing boundaries/exercising control thing.

We have this. I normally remind him of the consequence before it's final. 'You said you don't want to go first, that means mummy is going first. Is that ok?'

Also sometimes 'you can change your mind from the blue cup to the pink cup if you want but then you can't change back again after. Do you still want to change?'

Otherwise as pp have said, stick with the consequence.

My DS (2.5) is continually I'll from nursery. Currently locked down with chicken pox contracted from nursery.

Okay, wrong thread. Sorry!