I'm a shit mum

[Cdj931692]

If anyone can help I would really appreciate it.
I have no one to talk to so joined this today .
I have struggled with my son since he was born , he is now nearly 3.
I have changed a lot of things in my life and realised I must have PND,
I have not been to the doctors about this as I have tried to work through with my partner .
But due to the last 3 years and feeling completely broken , lost , angry , mental and so on a lot of my parenting has been awful as I can't cope , my partner is amazing and does pretty much everything as he knows I can't cope, but now at nearly 3 my little boy has a fantastic bond with his dad which is lovely but my son doesn't like me doing anything when I am around like nappy changes , helping him with his dinner , etc etc

And today me and my partner argued as couples do and my little boy got very upset , my partner left for a break and I talked to my son, he then said to me that he's scared of me ( as I shout )
And was shouting with his dad and that he doesn't like me.
This has completely broken me.
I feel awful and feel I am getting down ,
I absolutely love my son to the moon and back but i just struggle with parenting,
What can I do to change my beautiful boys view of me , I love him so much and I don't want him to be scared or not like me

OP I couldn’t read and run, I’m so sorry your feeling like this and just the fact you care means you aren’t a shit mum-

I’m not questioning your PND But don’t underestimate that being a parent is just non stop slog!
Do you work/ have any adult time?

Do you think you should seek help for your PND? Your GP would be your best shot, or theres plenty of charities and support groups out there for you.

In reading your post I think thats the crux of the issue

OP it does sound like you have PND and you should help.

One thing that struck me from your post is that you said you 'argued as all couples do'. Yes that may be true but I wouldn't say it is normal to shout or argue in front of your son. A 3 year old doesn't need to know about your relationship problems. You may have emotional issues but you are in charge of your actions and shouting in front of your son is really really not acceptable. Please get help.

So sorry you feel this way. Book an appointment with your gp and try and open up

Also my DD has used one parent against the other many times. She is now four and she had told us both at seperate times, she doesn't like us, she's not out friend etc. I don't think they mean it and it's more they can't get there own way.

If you shout at your child then no that we all do this from time to time. Well most do. Our job is to raise them and even the most happy mother will loose her mind sometimes. Kids are wonderful but also selfish and needy. It's hard. It's hard to do anything when kids are too young to be trusted. Even having a shower can be a challenge.

My partner has depression. His gp said go for walks. Maybe you can try this. You have two options here.... Walk alone for a breather or take your son with you for some positive Bonding.

You could to a beach
Go in the country side and have a picnic in the fields.
Go in the woods and pick sticks and blackberries
Go out on a rainy day and let him puddle jump.
Go feed the ducks.
Go to a park.

All these things will give you a breather and let your son spend some precious time together out the house. The fresh air is your friend and it helps you leave behind the Housework, the stress of life and cooking.

Be kind to yourself but try and count to ten. Give your son a hug more often and say mummy loves you too him and kiss him on the cheek. Just slowly find little ways to connect more with him.

You are a wonderful mum and none of us love every second xxx

Sorry for my typos I can't find an edit button x

It's so hard when you're suffering to be the parent you feel your child deserves. Get an appointment with the gp ASAP. If the waiting times for counselling are too long then consider private if you can afford it. I have long term MH problems and as far as parenting goes the best advice I ever received was to walk away for 5 minutes to calm down if you feel you're going to lose your temper. It's not going to solve all your problems but your dc will benefit from it massively and you'll stop feel so crap and guilty as a mum. Another good tip was to interact with your dc pretending that someone was filming you. It completely changed how I spoke to my dc and I realised that I had way more control over how I behaved than I previously thought.