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I feel like a bad Mummy

9 replies

BlueMoon1103 · 16/10/2019 19:22

Just that really. I have a 7 month old DS who’s been really unwell, he’s been in hospital. I was rubbish and cried while we were there which would have scared him so I feel bad about that. My DM who’s been helping me out tells me I’m not being compassionate enough, I’m doing my best, giving DS lots of cuddles now we’re home, doing calm things, not doing much else other than being with him but I’m still trying to stick to a vague routine which is what my DM doesn’t like. I just don’t feel good enough, even when I’m trying my hardest she criticises me. I’ve had a scary few days with DS being ill and whilst she’s been there to love him she’s a bit dismissive of me feeling sensitive and tired too as well as really guilty that my DS ended up in hospital in the first place, I feel like I should have realised how ill he was sooner. I’ve posted about her not respecting me as a parent before but it’s really getting to me now and I feel like this is the worst I’ve felt about it. I feel like such a crap parent and my DS deserves me to be better, more caring, more fun, more happy. I’m really experienced with children and thought I’d be a good parent but now I am a Mummy I feel awful, I’m so disappointed in myself. I feel so guilty. There’s no point to this, sorry for the pathetic post I just wanted to write it down.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SnuggyBuggy · 16/10/2019 19:25

Is your mother's presence a help or a hindrance right now?

OP seeing your baby ill and hospitalised is traumatic for any parent, cut yourself some slack. Flowers

RolytheRhino · 16/10/2019 19:26

Maybe pressurising yourself to stick to a routine right now isn't brilliant if it's adding to your workload. That said, no one should be making you feel inferior- can you not just ask her to leave?

Elllicam · 16/10/2019 19:27

I’d be getting your mum to go away.

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katmarie · 16/10/2019 19:29

I've just spent the best part of two days in the hospital with my ds, he had a nasty accident, and needed stitching up. I completely understand how crap you feel, but remember, your little one will be comforted by you more than anyone else in the world right now. Ignore your mum, trust your instincts and look after your baby your way is my advice. Baby thinks you're the best mom, the best person, in the whole world.

Chocolatecake12 · 16/10/2019 19:30

Your ds needed you and you were there for him. It’s natural to be worried and scared and to show your emotions - you’re a normal human being and if your dm is making you feel not good enough then you need to make her leave.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world - it’s 24/7 and we cannot always be the happy joyful mother we wished we could be.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job and should be proud of that.
Flowers

Pinkblueberry · 16/10/2019 19:39

I think your mum needs to leave. I know it’s tough having a poorly DC, but despite what you think you are more than capable to look after him alone - your mum should be there to give you support and a break at a difficult time, so if she’s not easing the situation for you she may as well not be there. And not crying when your DS is poorly and distressed is a lot easier said than done - don’t feel bad about that at all.

BlueMoon1103 · 16/10/2019 20:33

I should say my DM doesn’t live with me, she’s just been popping in to help. Thanks for being nice.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 16/10/2019 21:07

Sounds like your dm isn't being a very good mother to you.

Trust your instincts. It's normal to worry and cry when young dc are sick or injured. You held him and loved him. That's all he needed. If a loose routine is helping you and Ds maintain some stability and normality then go for it. He might take comfort from what's familiar.

He is your Ds and you are putting his needs first. Pity your dm can't do the same. Now is the time to support you not to criticise and score points.

RushianDisney · 16/10/2019 21:10

You don't need your DM making you feel bad while you do your best to get over what will have been a massively stressful time. If routine works for you and isn't adding to the stress then keep going, do what you need to do and don't let her make you feel inadequate. Tell her you don't need her popping in for the foreseeable.

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