AIBU

[pinkorchid1]

I am temporarily living with my in-laws and I find myself getting more and more frustrated with my MIL . She spends a lot of time playing with DD age 3 (which is obviously lovely) but she will not ever say no to her, gives in to whining, gives her what she wants, offers her different food to what I've just served, says things like "we can't do that, Mummy will tell me off" . I feel like the bad guy all the time and and I'm worried my DD is going to turn into a monster who gets whatever she whines for.
Am I justified in giving my MIL a bit of a talking to about this or do I have to put up and shut up because they are kindly putting us up for an extended period of time.
DH is not here at the moment. He agrees with me and says he will talk to her but I don't want him to as then she will know I've been complaining to him about her!

I think you need to sit down together - maybe with a glass of wine or over a meal, and start off by saying how kind it is that they are putting you up and how much you appreciate it, but that, as you are likely to be there for X weeks, then it seems to make sense if you can iron out any little things that are proving difficult now, on both sides. Ask her if there are things you do that get in their way, or if you cooking at X time works for them, etc etc. Then say, I hope you don't mind, but I think - whereas it is lovely you want to spoil her when you used to see her occasionally, it has to move to a different footing whilst you are all living together, as, and get her onside with an "as you will obviously understand", yours and dh's 'rules' being undermined all the time is going to confuse her and create issues.

Of course, you have to be prepared to be told about your annoying habits when starting the conversation.

Thank you, that sounds like a calm way of doing things. I feel so frustrated and am biting my tongue a lot of the time. I know I'm going to snap at her soon which would be unfair.
I really have felt undermined today.