My DS said 'I hate you'

[DobbyLovesSocks]

DS(8) had a bad day at school and his teacher told me this at pick up. He had a tantrum on the walk home about a couple of things culminating in a huge tantrum when we got home. He then said 'I hate you' which I think he aimed at me and I just crumbled and burst into tears. He is adamant he was talking about the object he was holding at the time but even so his words cut me. I know he was in a towering temper but I just feel so shit and I don't know what to do anymore

For context I think DS has a neurological issue and am waiting for referral for assessment

I know it’s counterintuitive but he’s lashing out at you because you’re his safe space. He loves you, and feels so secure and loved by you that he can lash out and release some of the tension he’s been holding in all day at school.

It’s very common among children who have difficulty at school for whatever reason.

Try not to take it personally.

You know he doesn't hate you. Just remind yourself he's a kid, he's obviously struggling with some things and often that can come out verbally in ways they really really don't mean.
My nearly 3 year old told her dad to get out of the room last night, because "I don't like you". This morning she's all hugs and love for her dad.
He doesn't mean it. Give him a hug, tell him you love him.

They all say it. I’m surprised you’ve made it to 8 without him saying it before! That’s actually quite impressive.

My 6 year old sometimes says it when she gets really frustrated and overwhelmed (she is neurotypical and otherwise well behaved). I just say, “well, that’s really sad and hurts my feelings because I really love you” and leave her to think about it a bit. She always comes to me in a bit to apologise and we talk about how she’s feeling and what she needs to feel less overwhelmed.

They are feeling big feelings at this age, especially with the transition back to school. You can’t let it get to you too much and it really is okay to be feeling all those things, as long as you can talk through it after.

Thank you. I know he didnt mean it and he has now apologised. Just a bad day all round I think