Can 4 year olds really fall out?

[Passthewipes]

I previously posted about issue with dd's nursery friend's mother.....she was ignoring me, being rude, and ignored my DD and wouldn't let her DD play with mine in the playground ..... (From previous post, all that was suggested is it could be my DD's autism diagnosis that she took issue with, due to timings of events) However we've since had this child for a play date, which was fine, and the playground with the mother has been slightly more amicable.
Then yesterday DD came out and had an absolute meltdown in the middle of the path....after carrying her to the car and getting home turns out her 'friend' upset her. Apparently she said she doesn't want to be her friend....only friends with the other child from the same nursery in their school. I've reassured her she has lots of other friends and not to worry and play with someone else, however she was still upset this morning. Another parent this morning has said her child has commented last night about this 'friend' being horrible to my daughter yesterday and making her cry. Kids will be kids, and I wouldn't normally worry about it, but at 4 years old is this the child being unkind or is this the mother's influence? This child was previously told by her mother right in front of me not to play with my DD and to go play with 'Alice' (the other child from same nursery) and this is exactly what DD has said to me, and the other child said to their parent the same...so I am inclined to believe this is what happened. What do I do with this? If it is going to continue to happen do I approach the parent or the teacher? I'm leaving it for now, but if anymore happens and DD is still upset I feel I should try to resolve it.

They can definitely fall out without parents influencing it. However, it could also be the other mum influencing things.... no way of knowing.

Dd is 4 and her and her friends are always falling out. Sometimes it goes on for a while, sometimes it’s resolved really quickly. No parental influence in the falling out as far as I’m aware - but we often help them resolve things.

How would suggest approaching the other parent?? I don't want to cause offence, and it is likely she has influenced her daughter and told her not to play with mine. She's frosty to say the least, and I am not a confrontational person. Would a text be better just asking if her DD has said anything as my DD tells me they have fallen out? Try not to point blame maybe and see if she comes back with anything?
But then if she has influenced her DD she clearly doesn't want them to be friends, so should I just leave it and hope for the best

Please don’t text the parents about your dd’s friends issues!
I’ve received similar texts before and I do not know what the parents wanted me to do! These are small children and this is happening while they are at school. How much influence do you really think the parent will be able to have in regards to the children sorting out their issue at nursery!?

Speak directly to the teachers. Continue supporting your dd and modelling good friendship behaviour at home.

They can definitely fall out. Ds is 4 and he and his friends all seem to be as emotional as teenagers. They fall out over all sorts of silly little things like whose turn it is to go first, the colour of someone else's t-shirt and who gets to be captain of the stinky pirates. It doesn't seem to last long though.

Ds has told lots of children they aren't his "best friend" with zero pushing from us as I really don't like that behaviour and have been encouraging him to play with everyone so that he's always got someone to play with when he falls out with the usual suspects.

I don't think speaking to the other mum given what you've described will be helpful though. If she's told her daughter not to play with yours, being confronted over the outcome of her behaviour will likely make her double down. I would talk to the school however as they should keep an eye on things. Something similar happened to the daughter of a friend, verbal nastiness which then led to my friend's dd lashing out physically but because nothing had been raised, it was only my friend's daughter who was punished/made out to be the villain.

Don't text the other mum.

You are right to encourage other friendships- in my experience having a group of friends rather than a best friend is better for kids as others help to distract when there's a fall out, it's not so bad if the bestie moves away or is ill etc

"I don't want to be your friend " is a classic Reception aged child's diss.

Her teacher would probably be interested in why your dd is down.

I had no idea things would change so much from nursery to reception....there was never any of this at nursery, or if there was it was long forgotten before pick up.
I will mention to the teacher as DD is really struggling at the moment, and this could be one of the reasons. She started off so well....it's all just gone wrong. She is so ready for half term, however I dread then going back to school.