AIBU

[jollybobs89]

Ok so AIBU to not take a 19 month old to a family meal at 7.30 at night?

Being made to few guilty by in-laws saying that DS missing out however he's in a routine goes to be 7pm no bother any later than that really cranky! We can get a sitter I just don't see the big issue I feel that not really fair on DS as will be up late in a restaurant etc. However being told that he will miss out on family time?!

If you don't want to do it, that's understandable, so you are perfectly within your rights to say no!

However, at that age, even though DD had a good routine of bedtime at 7ish, on the few occasions that I eked her sleep out to be present at an event she coped absolutely fine and was on good form.

A well established routine means he's most likely well rested, not sleep deprived and could well cope surprisingly well with one late night.

It's not so much the time I just feel like a restaurant is not a place at that time for a possible cranky toddler, and feel that it's tight to expect them to behave or not be tired etc. Maybe I just like routine too much 🤣

Like if it was a party or something where they could run round play etc I'd maybe feel different.

Inlaws just want to see him, which is nice but they are not thinking sensibly there is no point taking a toddler to a restaurant after bedtime if you have another option. If it was a party in a hall where he could run around a bit maybe it would be ok but you and dh will not get to enjoy meal just so inlaws get to say hello.

I would say "ds wont enjoy a restaurant but please come see us at the weekend he would love that."

I've always taken entertainment with us - books, crayons & paper, jigsaw puzzles (I realise this last one won't work at 17m!).

Also if there is at least one other adult there who is likely to be helpful you can always take turns in taking him for a walk outside (depending on the location of the restaurant).

If everyone there engages with your son he'll most likely be fine sitting at the table getting lots of attention. If people expect him to be seen and not heard then that's when it is more likely not to work.

It'll be all sweetness and light if he's not cranky. But if he is, everyone's night is ruined and you'll feel responsible. Get a babysitter and enjoy a stress free night out.

Just feel like he will get easy fed up crayons etc last 10 mins before getting bored. Maybe put something on phone to watch etc but then what's the point he'll just end up being passed around for the sake of a few hours when just think easier to get a sitter, but then being made to feel guilty is not nice being told missing out on family time! Plus he will be cranky 100%

You go to the meal , leaving DS with a sitter. Then organise a family get together at soft play. He'll be happy and everyone enjoys family time! See how many takers you get. 😜

We have offered to take him round the day before to see everybody don't get what the issue is! Fed up of being made to feel guilty they always do it we are tight if we don't let him do x y and z such as give him sweets etc, get the old never did our kids any harm!

Yanbu.

With our kids, we would take them to meals out when tiny as they would either sleep or be held. After that it’s no way until they can cope with a late night without a meltdown.

Parties have been fine at the time (not so much the next day!) but sitting at a meal has been too difficult for dd. It just makes it stressful for everyone.

Our families are great though and if they really want the kids at a meal they book a lunch out instead.

If it was a meal at someone's house I might risk it but never a restaurant. None of the usual distraction stuff seems to work when they get tired.

Yeah definitely different when they are a lot smaller! It's not fair to expect them not to get restless they you can't enjoy a warm meal as your fussying around!

My DD at 19 months old would have been grumpy and irritable being out past 8pm; she’d have been miserable and made it miserable for everyone else so I wouldn’t have done it. If we go for family meals we go at 6 when we’d be home for 8 or we get a babysitter.
Your parents in law don’t have the responsibility of trying to entertain an over tired toddler at a time of night that people don’t really expect younger kid’s to be there

We have this when we go and see our granddaughter and it makes me uncomfortable. We tried booking a table for 6 pm, with having a largish group it ended up taking ages for everyone to order as people chatted to each other.

Why not meet for lunch, or all contribute to a take away at be at home?

Just if we go against something they want just get made to feel guilty or that DS is missing out! It's like Christ it's not a thing for a child anyway.

If it was earlier or at someone's house totally different. I'm always the bad guy anyway as I have a routine etc and the other grandkids don't.

I was tight when I took dummy away at 6 months and then when I tried to take bottle away at 14 months managed 3/4 days and then got made to feel guilty by saying still a baby blah blah and I ended up giving the bottle back to him as I felt bad.

I wouldnt take a toddler to a meal in the evening. A family party or even dinner at someone's house is different because they can mess around, but dinner in a restaurant won't be any fun for them and they will have no awareness of "missing out".

If your family were that desperate to have him there they could have arranged a lunchtime meal or having dinner at 6pm so at least he wouldnt be too tired. A 7.30 meal wont be over until 9 and that's just too late for a 19 month old to cope IMO.