Nervous about infants upcoming surgery

[aurorae0222]

Hi. I’m not sure how to begin. I’m so nervous. I’m 24 and my 6 month old is having surgery tomorrow and I don’t know if we’ve made the right decision.

She is suppose to undergo a proving procedure to open her tear ducts. She has had multiple eye infections and although the doctor said we can wait to see if it opens up in its own by the time she is 1, he recommended the early surgery because of Meg’s chronic eye infections.

We have agonized about it and I have even prayed (first time in a long time) about it. We have had so many talks, arguments and fights about it this over the last 3 weeks.

This morning we talked about getting ready for tomorrow and it resulted in a huge fight. He basically accused me of wanting her surgery from the beginning and I am t
Among a risk but yet he agreed to it.

We haven’t talked since early morning and it is so stressful. I’m an emotional mess worrying about her, the procedure and her going under general anesthesia; wondering we we made the right decision and on top of it all we have my parents and the in-laws coming today, and then the nonsense of this mornings fight.

What really bothers me is at a time when we need each other we aren’t talking, basically giving each other the silent treatment and second guessing each other.

Can I ask if your daughter cries tears? I ask because my daughter is now 7 and has never cried. We have eye drops and ointment to keep them moist but have never been offered an operation to rectify the problem.

In terms of an op, you have to weigh up wether it will benefit the child in the long-run. It's not easy taking your child down to theatre and the wait for them to come out is horrendous (eldest child had an op last year), so I can completely sympathise with your predicament.

Oh gosh of course you’re both nervous and probably both very tense and snappy.

If he agreed to it then he shouldn’t be laying the decision all on you, that’s not fair of him. He sounds very worried and unfortunately isn’t handling the stress well. I would remind him he agreed to it, and tell him exactly what you’ve put here, that you need to be supporting each other not adding to the stress. Keep talking to him.

I don’t know the medical facts but would imagine the doctor would not recommend it if there was a big risk in going ahead. And of course continued eye infections have risks too.

I hope it all goes well and you and your partner manage to get on the same page before the surgery.

I completely understand your stress. I took my son for a cosmetic op when he was a baby and I felt so torn about whether I was doing the right thing. The long term benefit to him was significant but I always had in my mind that I didn’t have to put him through it which somehow made it worse. I wasn’t sure my mum completely understood why I was doing it so I felt a bit unsupported. On the day it was stressful but only for me! Within an hour of waking up he was gobbling toast. The staff were all really nice.

FWIW I don’t think your child’s consultant would have recommended surgery unless he felt it would benefit her. Eye infections are horrible.

It sounds like me like your DH is stressed hence being grumpy all of a sudden. Presumably he was involved in the decision though.

@alwayscauseastirshe does cry tears. Sometimes her eyes would look wet, other times it was heavy tears. However, her eyes would be swollen and red, there was this yellow buildup and her eyelids would stick together. She kept on getting infections after infection.

I hope you daughter is okay.

That sounds uncomfortable for her and maybe recurrent infections could do long term damage? I don't have any experience in that but my 3 month had surgery. It was worse for us than him, they recover super fast. It's not as scary as you think, just stay brave for her and don't let her see you being upset or nervous, they pick up on it.

As for your DH tell him to step up and be supportive, you made the decision together. It's in her best interest I imagine as you are following advice from people who know.

Thanks for the words of wisdom. We have surgery at 9:45am. Think it is going to be a long, sleepless night.

It’s tough. Too bad my husband is acting like a jackass; I guess he is as nervous as I am. I am sad; got through the day upset with each other and giving each other the silent treatment when we need each other the most. I snapped. I was like are you actually going to to me? His reply was lets just go to sleep and get through tomorrow.

Told DH “you’re an asshole” and left; he can sleep by himself.

Just going to watch her sleep and get her ready in the next few hours. Thanks again it’s nice to feel supported

It's a big and hard decision to make and i'm sure you made the right decision for her as having frequent eye infections must be hard for her and probably more painful in the long term. Try not to worry too much.

I can understand your agony. My dd has been offered surgery for her eye. She frequently have alternating squints. But her eyesight is fine so the doctor said the surgery would be completely cosmetic. It's hard to decide which is the right decision. But for now we have decided to get it done when she feels that it affects her.

My son had this done because his eye ran constantly. I think he was about 3 1/2. He's now almost 5. The nurses are lovely with children and prepare you on the day. It's really important that you are calm and don't make it into a big thing. He was back from theatre and recovery in 40 minutes and then wooded back a huge bowl of cereal. The worst bit is when they give them the anaesthetic as they literally just go floppy in your arms. But all in all it's a very easy quick procedure and he will be fine xxx

Hope the surgery went well OP

@alwayscauseastir It went remarkable well thanks. Very tense. I got to play play with her a bit before they took her back, which was nice. Surgery lastEd close to an hour because they had to put her under and it look a while to calm her.

The surgeons and the nurses were great; I can really see they really love their job and they care. Hardest part was seeing her come out of the general with swollen eyes and blood coming from them. The nurse kept on saying don’t worry and that she’s not in pain to probably put us at ease. Stayed 5 or so hours to make sure she feed (via bottle with my breast milk for the first time) and got instructions on how to care for her and now she is home, asleep in her bed.

Thankful for all the support from my family and the medical team. Husband stepped up and apologized for yesterday and the week leading up to it and actually provided a ton of support, which makes me so happy.

Just being around people you love provides a huge relief and comfort, even if you want your space at a time of high anxiety - I just wanted to sit alone, by myself, without anyone talking to me or touching/comforting me waiting for her surgery to be over and it was nice my husband and family respected that.

Now I can’t sleep I keep on watching her and making sure she doesn’t touch her eyes lol. Thanks again for the support and encouragement as it was much appreciated

Pleased it went well OP xx