Going from 1 to 2..

[purplestarz]

So I've recently found out I'm pregnant with baby number 2.. totally took me by surprise. I have a 10 month old who was conceived via IVF.. I'm completely shocked but absolutely over the moon, I hadn't contemplated a second child after everything I went through, I always wanted more than 1 but decided I didn't want to go through the process again.

What's it like having 2 babies so close together? What did you find harder the second time round?

My son has been a dream.. perfect baby.. happy content and slept through from 6 weeks. I've never found any aspect of being a parent challenging (yet!!) I have literally loved every second!

People tell me that my second will be nothing like the first.. so I'm imagining a little demon child who is awake every second of the night

Also in terms of birth, how was it second time? I had a horrendous birth with my son, failed induction, failed epidural and emergency delivery with episiotomy and forceps. This is another factor in not trying anymore, I really felt (and still do!!) that I could not go through that again. I had a third degree tear and ended up back in hospital unwell after coming home.. recovery has been slow, another reason being pregnant was such a shock.. there's not been much baby making business going on due to still feeling tender!

So with infertility and lack of sex this baby is really a miracle!!

Wow, amazing news!

I have 2 that are 18 months apart, now 2.4 and 10 months. I love the short age gap and it has been fantastic so far. Don’t get me wrong it has some hard parts but the good bits definitely make up for it and it will only get easier as they get older.

My first was also a dream baby who slept through the night from 8 weeks so of course everyone took pleasure in telling me my second would be a nightmare. Well my second slept through from 6 weeks so even better!

My second has always been a bit clingier and needier than my first but it has been fine. I’m a stay at home mum anyway so I’m used to having them both around now and I think you adjust to looking after 2 quite easily. I did anyway. I found adjusting to 1 a lot harder than 2. Since they are both so small their needs are quite similar so it’s just a case of doing 2 nappies instead of 1 and thinking about who needs feeding, who needs a nap etc.

Birth for me second time could not have been more different to 1st time. It was very quick, intense and uncomplicated. First birth nearly killed me, horrendous induction, forceps, post partim haemorrhage, long slow recovery. Second baby I was up and about straight after the birth and felt fine.

Hard parts - baby napping around a loud toddler is hard. I had to put the baby upstairs for naps from about 2 months which obviously isn’t ideal from a safe sleep point of view but didn’t have much choice or he wouldn’t have slept all day!

It’s hard when they are both ill at the same time.

Can be hard balancing needs of 2. Sometimes one of them has to cry a bit longer than you’d like.

Good bits - so many! No jealousy here. Ds1 was just too young to understand and completely accepted ds1 from day 1. He adores him now and comes and gives him hugs and kisses, brings him toys. Ds2 thinks his brother is the funniest thing ever and love him.

They entertain each other, so I can sometimes sit and have a cup of tea in peace while they play.

You are still in the baby stage so you know what you are doing and looking after a baby just comes naturally. You still have all the toys and equipment so very little to buy.

Getting all the baby / toddler years done in one go is quite appealing to me. When they are bigger I can just move on to the next stage with them rather than try to help them with homework or play games with a baby in tow. And hopefully since they are close in age they will play well together and days out will be easy, similar interests etc.

It sounds like you are really enjoying your first baby which is great. I took a while to adjust to 1 and I don’t consider myself a baby person so it sounds like you adjusted better than me so if I can handle 2 you definitely can!

Good luck. It can be hard work at times but really, really amazing too. When I see my 2 little boys giggling together I feel like my heart is bursting. When I found out I was pregnant with ds2 I felt so guilty to ds1 that he would have to share me but I see now I’ve not taken anything away from him, I’ve given him the amazing gift of a sibling. We love having 2. My husband works away a lot so the 3 of us are like a little team now and it is great.

Having two kids is easier than having one. Sure, it’s more expensive and increases your odds of being woken up in the middle of the night — and the choreography of various school drop-offs, playdates and activities will give you a headache. Nevertheless, the older my dc have become, the easier many aspects of parenting have become — and I attribute a good chunk of this to the fact that they have each other. Often they play — really play — with each other for long stretches of time. When I’m with just one of my children, I often find myself playing with them and entertaining them, which is nice — but only for a while! Also, nothing is sweeter than seeing your children play. Or hold hands. Or share a bath!
When the baby arrives, try to keep your older child on their same familiar routine as much as possible. Undoubtedly, your child’s routine may have to be changed up a little but try not to let the very familiar parts of their day be changed too much as it will bring them comfort and reassurance.
Before the baby arrives, have your dc1 get used to not having your immediate attention/response -- have them wait a few minutes before you get them a snack, for instance. Then when you're less available when the baby comes, it won't be as much of a shock, and the baby won't be blamed!
I found the transition harder going from no kids to one kid, versus one to two kids. When Dc1 was born, we had to make more life changes (no more hungover brunches!), learn more and organize more things (cots, childcare), and when dc2 arrived, we just fit him into the mix.
There will be tough times. Find the humour in the worst moments and have LOTS of dance parties, especially if the last thing you want to do is dance. Seriously, do it.

Thanks both.. definitely reassuring to hear your second child slept well too @Minai!

I'm so excited.. I just can't comprehend loving another little human the way I love my son.. he literally amazes me and I think every little thing he does makes my heart want to bursts I know I will feel the same about the baby but it's just so hard to imagine it! X