Is my dh being selfish or am I a hormonal old boot?

[StealthMama]

Mostly I think I need a rant.

Had our dd1 12 weeks ago, she's amazing and we're lucky imo to have a 'good' baby. Feeds well, sleeps, currently doing a dream feed at 10pm, then 2.30am and 5am ish feeds.

As I'm breastfeeding I'm up in the night, and recently struggling to get back to sleep after the 2.30 am feed. But that's life so I don't moan, but I am very tired at times, eyes stingy, almost too tired to sleep/nap.

DH on the other hand mostly sleeps in the spare room when working, or sleeps through the feeds and has continued to spend decent amounts of time doing his hobby. Last weekend we had a barney cos of the amount of time he was going out for again on the Sunday with a 7:30am start which meant no opportunity for extra rest for me. I explained that if he wants to do his hobby he needs to at least put the same amount of energy into planning things with us and giving me a break.

Him doing his hobby is a regular occurrence each week, and often he has planned things in without discussing. The calendar is full with his social plans.

He didn't go in the end last week, had a strop all day like a bloody child. I told him that I'm not going to parent him too and it's up to him what type of father and husband he chooses to be i.e a supportive one or a twat one.

This morning we agreed to do something nice tonight, having made up during the week, like drinks at home/takeaway or go out for a bit. We didn't agree exactly just said we'd speak later, Tonight he messaged about him going to the pub after work, he said 'have I got time if I'm back by 6:30?' I said 'I suppose' but kicked myself as I should have made it his responsibility (I don't know, do you have time?) rather than me giving him permission (being a parent). Plus it means the expectation was on me to have organised food or whatever. He seemingly choose not to go, but comes home in a strop again. Not speaking but saying nothings wrong. He's not hungry either. sits there watching the news whilst I'm trying get slightly fussing baby down. no offer of a drink or food for me. FFS.

I don't want to be that nagging wife, I've never said he shouldn't go to the pub- I'm usually there with him, but I'm fucking fed up. It would be nice for someone, anyone, preferably my husband to organise a nice, simple treat for me after 12 weeks of 24/7 being mum and beggar all sleep.

Am I being a hormonal old boot?

Thanks for listening.

No.
He's being a twat.

If you are dealing with the baby he should be cooking - not watching TV. Tell him to start pulling his weight.

You didn’t become a mother on your own - he also became a father. Sit down tell him to buck up. He needs to put your baby to bed occasionally (he can do a lot of the work other than feeding), or pick up the slack in terms of getting dinner ready. And tell him you need one morning at the weekends to chill in bed, and if that means sacrificing his hobby for a few weeks so be it.

I know what it feels like op

No he's being an arse. My partner sometimes plays sport up to four times a week but he also does his percentage share of the childcare and housework and if the baby has had a bad night or I'm otherwise struggling he will take her instead of going out so I can get some rest.

I feel angry with him on your behalf! When you become parents you need to act as a team. It takes a little while to work out but you try to do that together. It's too hard otherwise! He needs to realise this. Sulking is ridiculous. Hope your evening gets better.

It sounds like you've become a parent and he's regressing into your second, stroppy teenage son! He needs to start pulling his weight. He should be treating you and doing something nice for you ffs

You are hormonal, that stands to reason, but you're not an old boot and your hormones aren't to blame for him being a selfish knob.

Your baby is tiny. He must prioritise you and the baby. It's what happens. Give it a few months and then he can choose other things. Right now he has more important things. You are right to be pissed off. You're exhausted.

If he is not a total asshole, risk showing him this thread (if he is, don't!).

He sounds incredibly selfish.

You've got a baby and a sulky teenager.

He's great at doing jobs around the house - without asking him to, ive no qualms there - but he just doesn't seem to see the need to 'care' for me? Like I'm not superwoman as much as I appear to be coping amazingly well, and I am, but who cares for me if it's not him?

I threw a pizza in the oven for me, ate it with a glass of wine and came to bed. He does the 10pm feed so I'm going to try and sleep and have it out with him tomorrow (again!)

Thanks for your words of support!