Do I Tell My Partner About Her Daughter ..?

[12shucklemyboo]

So my predicament is this.

I am a step-dad to a 13 year old girl who has a new boyfriend. On my way home the other day, I was asked by her if I could take my time coming home as she had friends over.
Hmmm - unusual request.
So I arrived early anyway, went around the back, peeped through the window and saw exactly what I thought I would see, the new boyfriend (also 13) on top of her and they were kissing.
I went around the house, came through and knocked on her bedroom door and entered immediately in time to see the little chap leap off her, looking horrified, to which I reacted with a quiet "I think it's time to go now"

He left in a huge hurry, even stopping to say "thank you" to me which I found highly amusing. I spoke to my step-daughter very calmly and rationally about it all afterwards and explained that it was natural at their age to want to enjoy this activity, but that deceiving me or trying to hoodwink me was not on. Now I didn't get angry about it or yell or anything and was very calm about the whole incident which she was relieved about.

However, this brings me to the conundrum. As a contrast to my calm reaction, I know that my partner, as a Christian woman, would go ballistic if she was the one to find her daughter under some young lad and there would be no end of yelling and tantrums as she is very protective of her daughter. Do I tell the mum, knowing she will react really badly and be horrified that her little girl is up to these shenanigans or just pass it off as young teens doing what they normally do and leave it be?

You HAVE to tell her mother. She is the parent. If you don't and she finds out you knew she will quite rightly hit the roof.

You sounded like you handled that really well.
But yes of course you need to tell her, it’s her daughter.
Good luck tho.

You felt it incumbent upon you to sneak round the back and peek through the window at your DSD snogging her boyfriend?

And? Thanks for turning a simple question into something creepy. Next time, pause before responding especially if you provide zero insight other than to try and paint me as some pervert. Thank you

@pigeononthegate don't be an arse.
I think you do have to tell her yes, ok it's going be a bit of a mare but step daughter needs to see you and her mum as a team also if I was mum and found out at later date I would be furious.

@pigeononthegate really?

You have to tell her mother.

And yes, peeking through a 13 yo girl's bedroom window is creepy. There are any amount of things you could have seen that would have been none of your business or very inappropriate for you to see.

You handled it correctly but ask her to tell her mum and tell her you will have to if she doesn't. She needs to know about protection
I know she is young and no one wants to see their child with a bf or if in the bedroom. But her mum will hold it against you as her daughter could start to blackmail you in the future eg she could say I will tell mum you knew I had my bf in bedroom if you don't let her get her way on something it will only get worse.

Unless she's like this abusive person who's going to slap her bairn around the house then you have to tell her. Teenagers hormones have a habit of taking over.

If it comes out later that you knew and didn't say, it could cause problems.

You are going to have to tell your partner, but do it when your DSD is out and try to talk her down. Her mum overreacting is going to make her feel ashamed, as if her natural feelings a wrong. It will certainly confirm that she needs to hide things from her mum.

Now, I'm afraid I can see where Pigeon is coming from. On the one hand, you did the responsible thing and you sent this young lad packing. Your motives were presumably sound, nobody is calling you a perv. But at the same time, look at it from DSD's point of view, you did sort of invade her privacy. I know, I know, she's still a child. But still. In actual fact, you could have seen something much worse. Why not just say to her 'no, I'll be home at the usual time'?
And yes, tell her mother. No question.

@12shucklemyboo you absolutely need to tell her! Nothing wrong with kissing at that age but he has no business being on top of her! I’d have taken the sneaky approach as well to catch them out! 😈

Sorry, I can't believe that any 13 year old girl would contact a step-father to ask him to delay coming home.

I think ideally take her mother out somewhere public and tell her there. And try to get her to calm down and see that over reacting will be counter productive.

@PlasticPatty Then don't? No one cares whether you believe it or not

OP, you do need to tell her mum she has a right to know and handle this situation with her daughter as she feels right.

I think you handled this very well but you do need to calmly speak to your partner.

Yes you should tell her mum. If she finds out about this later ( like if she suddenly becomes a granny) you're gonna get into so much trouble with the wife.........

Sorry but she has to know but you can tell her to be rational about it. Sit her down and tell her iv something to tell you but you must be calm.