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Original poster

Custody arrangements for infant - Am I being unfair?

16 replies

Caiden123 · 11/10/2019 11:20

I need some advice girls.
My little one is four months old and the father wants to have him more nights a week than what I had in mind and what we originally agreed (I'm not breastfeeding) It was originally agreed that when it's not his week, he'd have him Thursday morning to friday evening. And when it is his week, he'd have him thursday morning to sunday evening.

But now, hes asking for wednesday evening to friday evening when it isnt his week , and wednesday evening to sunday evening when it is his week.

The little one has been having the full days with him previously to have time with the father and build with him and the overnight process has only just started, but I just feel like what hes asking for is too much and will affect him emotionally. He said if I dont agree then hes going for 50/50 custody down the legal route.

He's saying if i had a good enough reason for saying no then he'd understand but hes says I dont.

Dont get me wrong, I'm so happy and lucky that he wants to be a part of our son's life (even if he did leave me during the early stages of pregnancy), but I just want to do right by my son and dont want to seem like a bad parent/person and be walked all over. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 11/10/2019 12:25

At 4 months old I wouldn't want my child away from me for that amount of time.

dementedpixie · 11/10/2019 12:28

Is he trying to get extra days so he can claim benefits for him? Does he not work?

pikapikachu · 11/10/2019 12:33

Tell him that he's welcome to go the legal route. In reality a baby that young won't be made to stay away from mum as long as you already are apart.

Too many women are threatened with court unnecessarily Angry

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MustardScreams · 11/10/2019 12:36

A 4 month old should not be away from their primary caregiver (you) overnight. Fine when they’re older, but babies need to be with their mother when they’re that little.

If he wants more access tell him to go through court. Although they are extremely likely to agree that that is too much time away.

CPParenttoDD1234 · 11/10/2019 12:36

That’s way too long to be away from you and no court would agree to that when your LO is so young. Contact has to be age appropriate

Thehagonthehill · 11/10/2019 12:37

I'm surprised at this age he has overnights anyway.
Let him go down the legal route they will decide in your child's best interests that that may mean much less than you are agreeing to until she is older.

AllFourOfThem · 11/10/2019 12:38

I just want to do right by my son and dont want to seem like a bad parent/person and be walked all over. Am I being unfair?

I would hate to be away from my baby for that length of time. Perhaps he feels the same way about being parted from his? It’s great that your child has two parents who want to spend so much time with him. I would try to agree something you are both happy with because if he takes you down the legal route, he might not get it with immediate effect but I don’t see why he wouldn’t get 50/50 custody long term.

Teddybear45 · 11/10/2019 12:40

Tell him to take it to court and remove all access until there’s a court order.

AllFourOfThem · 11/10/2019 12:41

He already has him four nights a fortnight and that means your son will have a good relationship already with him and so the court may well see that it needs to be maintained and in the child’s interest to be gradually increased.

All PP here saying it needs to be age appropriate and a court won’t agree seem to be thinking of a non resident parent who does not and has not had overnight contact but this father already has and it’s clearly going well.

AllFourOfThem · 11/10/2019 12:42

Tell him to take it to court and remove all access until there’s a court order.

How is that in the best interest of a baby who already has a relationship with his father? It’s ehh people do things like that that I fully support the court coming down against them.

Span1elsRock · 11/10/2019 12:42

It's nice that he wants to spend time with him, but that's far too long to be away from you at that age.

I wouldn't have agreed to any overnights until they were at least 12 months old.

AllFourOfThem · 11/10/2019 12:43

And I he has parental rights he could stop the mother having access until the court hearing and keep the baby all the time. Do you really want to be in such a ridiculously petty situation with all of you losing out?!

Mrsthomasshelby1 · 11/10/2019 12:44

I think that's fine when older and independent, but too young at this stage to be away from you so much.

Newtothis213 · 11/10/2019 12:56

I have a 5 Month old and she doesn't get overnights with dad yet. Babys that age need a routine and familiarity, highly unlikely a court would give him more access at that age.

Chairwithaview · 11/10/2019 13:10

How many overnights has your baby had there so far? How is he settling and how do you feel it is going? Did you get any advice from the health visitor, gp any other relevant professional before starting them?

I think overnights is very unusual for a baby as babies are meant to be with the one primary parent so they can develop a strong attachment.

Are there any other people involved in caring for the baby? Nursery? Grandparents? Childminders? Potentially there could be a whole lot of different people involved in caring for a baby if the father is working and you are soon to return to work. Has this been discussed also?

Zeldasmagicwand · 11/10/2019 15:39

I wouldn't be doing any overnights at that age. He's a young baby not a remote control.
Tell him to go to court and get it formally agreed.

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