Feeling lonely with 4 month old

[Lonelymum11]

I feel so guilty saying this but I'm really struggling with my 4 month old DD.
She sleeps relatively well but recently has refused to go in her cot so she's been in the bed with me. My husband worries about her not having enough space so he sleeps on the sofa bed.

During the day I just feel trapped in the house. DD screams in the pram, and she hates the sling, so I just stay in. For the first couple of months of her life I took her out everyday but now it's just not worth the stress and upset it causes both of us. If I take the pram out I literally have to stop every couple of minutes to pick her up, soothe her, then put her down, at which point she immediately starts crying. If I leave her crying and just push the pram in the hope she drops off, she just keeps crying (I imagine she would eventually sleep but it takes so long I'm not comfortable just leaving her crying).
She will only nap on me, and doesn't like being put down while she's awake either. In order to make lunch, get some water, go to the loo etc during the day I just have to accept that she'll probably cry the whole time.

She's fine once she's picked up, but because she hates the sling it's exhausting holding her all day - including for all her naps. Yesterday I was able to put her down without her crying for maybe a total of 15 minutes - and this isn't me wanting to put her down and leave her, she cries on her activity mat while I'm playing with her, she cries if I lie her on the bed next to me and play with her. When I'm holding her she loves playing, she'll reach for toys, smile, laugh etc.
I don't think there's anything wrong, she sleeps perfectly fine at night as long as she's in the bed (wakes maybe twice) so I don't think it's reflux - but because she's in the bed wriggling around I still sleep terribly.
I know it's normal for little babies to want to be held, but I just wish she'd go in the sling, or the pram for a bit. I'm just so lonely and being stuck in the house makes me feel so low, but so does taking her out and having her cry the whole time. Even if she just went in her cot for naps it would help! She won't co-sleep in the bed for naps, she has to be physically held.

I feel awful and guilty but having to hold her all day and then co-sleep at night just makes me feel like I never get even a minute to myself, at this point the idea of a walk to the shops with the pram sounds like a massive luxury! She breastfeeds very frequently and refuses a bottle so DH can't even take her for a bit.

Not sure why I'm posting other than to see if anyone else had the same?

Just letting you know your not alone, mine's a bit better now (5 months). No real advice apart from keep trying, a couple of things that helped mine - Outward facing carrier, I know its frowned on sometimes, but it genuinely did help, as long as it supports their hips.
Also not sure which pram you have but tilting the head of ours to sit him up (still facing mum) while still in carrycot position, if that makes any sense, was a life changer.

Have you tried a few different carriers?

@Lonelymum11 you can do this. Can a relative/friend pop over during the day a couple of times a week just to give you a short break for a bath or nap?

Can you call your HV or pop to baby weighing to see a HV and tell them what you've told us. They might be useful.

Do you have a local NCT bumps and babes group - if you can get there and talk to one of the organisers (usually experienced mummies)!they might have some suggestions.

My eldest was held most the time - screamed in the pram. He coslept although he didn't sleep through. Was basically happy with a boob in his mouth! It does pass. I found he would go in the bouncy chair (old fashioned kind) with a toy bar over it which we hung a baby Einstein toy from - just long enough for me to shower. He was in the bathroom next to the bath. All meals were things I could throw into a pan and stick in the oven in 10 minutes. In fact I remember my dad coming and doing that for me a couple of times as baby wouldn't go down! I did find getting out every day was my saviour....just to give me a change of scene.

You can do this.

We never had a carry cot, she just went in the seat laid flat and I've tried lifting it slightly but it doesn't seem to help.

We have a wrap style sling which by her reaction you'd think was some sort of medieval torture device. We have another more structured carrier which she'll tolerate for 5-10 mins if she's in the mood.
I'm holding out for when she can sit up, so I can lift the pram a bit more and she can see out better, plus I'm hoping she might be more ok with being put down if she can sit up - although I'm not actually basing that on anything!

What sort of pram? Up to about 4 months, mine refused to go in the pram as I was still using the carrycot bit. Then switched to the actual seat (which reclines fully, so suitable from whenever) and he just dropped off to sleep. Was miraculous.

Oh sorry, x-post.

I was going to suggest going to a sling library - I have friends with babies who’d settle in one specific brand / type and no others.

Also, see if your local children’s centre have any baby groups on. There’s always someone there to help out, hold your baby for a bit etc - it was the only group I could take my twins to by myself because the staff were so helpful.

I put my son in pushchair sat a bit at 4 months....not advised but he hated not seeing anything. (Keep it short).