Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU?

16 replies

fox200 · 09/10/2019 16:53

My DS dad and I have a private arrangement with regards to mantinence which has been going fine for the past 10 months. He transfers money into my bank account every Friday. It's all I receive money wise from him for DS and he's quite tight with money but I'm happy with what he gives. He has tried to get out of paying once but I put my foot down. This week I have a bit of a situation and I think his response is to be questioned. Basically I closed my bank account down as I wanted to join another. I messaged him saying "hey just to let you know don't put any money in my bank this week for DS as it won't go through because I've closed that account". I got the response "what's up" and I just said "I will tell you Sunday but I'm just letting you know". That was it. I did expect the response of ok well have you got other bank details or will I give it to you on Friday or Sunday etc but I got nothing. So I waited 2 hours and said "what's going to happen for DS mantinence this week then would you mind bringing it on down on Friday or what would you like to do". I would have been ok with it if he said I will keep it until you get another bank sorted incase he wanted proof of payment etc or I kind of expected him to say I will just hand it to you this week ( especially as I'm not the type to go to csa saying he wasn't paying etc and it's only 1 week) but I got the response " what do you meant what's going to happen, you told me not to put money in so nothing". Do you think I'm being unreasonable to think that's a bit of a cop out of paying anything for his son? It's a good excuse for him. Or would you take it another way? I now know I should have done that straightforward transfer thing you can do from one bank to another but I wasn't thinking and just closed the account so now I'm going to re open one with a different bank. any responses would be appreciated?

OP posts:

Ohjustboreoff · 09/10/2019 17:24

Why would you close your bank account without already opening another? That's madness! Do you have another account he can pay the money into?

Original poster

fox200 · 09/10/2019 17:32

@Ohjustboreoff yeah it is , usually it's only a couple of days to a week until the new cards through etc and I'm not due to get my wage in until the end of the month so no money's going in right now anyway. Didn't really think that one through with regards to his mantinence money tbh

OP posts:

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 09/10/2019 17:42

I think you're over reacting and being unreasonable - you closed your account and told him you'd tell him later about it

He shouldn't have to chase you for the bank details - your decision to close the current one - up to you to inform him of the new details 🤷‍♀️

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law General parenting

ELM8 · 09/10/2019 17:46

I don't think you were clear in your original message that you were putting it on him to find an alternative arrangement...

As it was you that shut your account you should have made it clear you still wanted the money and how he could go about doing it.

Ohjustboreoff · 09/10/2019 17:47

Think you'll just have to grin are bare losing his money this week. It's your own faulty for not thinking of these things. Morally he should want to pay for his child but it looks like he's using the no account as an excuse not too.
You do know if you want to change bank accounts your new bank will open an account for you then move all your DD and SO, mine even sorted my wages, then close you old account.

You really didn't think this through.

Original poster

fox200 · 09/10/2019 17:48

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted yes it's my fault I closed the account but would it really hurt him to just bring the money down for 1 week without putting it in the bank when Im not going to have another set up as fast as Friday? I will have another one set up for next Friday

OP posts:

Original poster

fox200 · 09/10/2019 17:50

@Ohjustboreoff totally agree with you, yes my fault but if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't be using that as an excuse not to give any money this week but everyone's different

OP posts:

JustLooking2019 · 09/10/2019 17:53

I don’t understand how or why you would close your account without having another one? Don’t you have bills/direct debits? Or child benefit? And how will you pay for anything whilst you wait to get the new one “set up” and wait for cards to come through, do you just have a big pile of cash sitting at home?!

JustLooking2019 · 09/10/2019 17:54

Sorry forgot to answer your question, tell him to either bring the money when he sees you child or that he’ll need to pay two weeks worth when the account is open

Original poster

fox200 · 09/10/2019 18:00

@JustLooking2019 yeah I do have bills/direct debits etc but nothing due to come off within the next week or so which is why I chose this time to do it. My only real question here was I feel it's a way out of paying this week with regards to how he responded as he has done before. I take responsibility it was my fault for closing the account and if he doesn't pay then I will take that. but he sees DS on Sunday so he could have easily said he would bring it then

OP posts:

Ohjustboreoff · 09/10/2019 18:17

Like I have said morally he should want to pay for his DS but it looks like he is using this as an excuse not to pay, you have given him this excuse. When you say why can he not just bring the cash round well he could but he's obviously not going to as you've got nothing written down that he needs to.
Just get an account open and just get on with it.

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/10/2019 18:20

I don't think you were very clear. A text to say, I've closed X account so please can you either give me cash this week or hold it til my new account is open please" would have been better.

Apolloanddaphne · 09/10/2019 18:25

You needed to be clearer. You told him not to send the money but did not give him any other options to get the money to you.

Changestartsnow · 09/10/2019 18:27

It's also very annoying when you say to people "what do you want to do" when you have created a situation where the other person cannot do the usual.

No harm in making mistakes if you learn from them.

Reply saying

"I realise I wasn't clear in my first message. I have shut down my account and will have a new one open next week. I will pass on the new account details. Please do not put money into old account this Friday. I will need the money in cash on Sunday when you pick DS."

Take control.

sittingonacornflake · 09/10/2019 18:32

I agree with pps that as you created the situation you should have told him how you wanted to be paid. It's not for him to resolve. I can see why you probably got his back up by asking him 'what he wants to do'. I don't think you went about it very well.

AgeShallNotWitherHer · 07/12/2019 17:49

I wouldn't pay cash either - he needs to be able to show regular payments.
I would ask him to pay two weeks next week.

But if you had said "I'm switching banks - these are my new account details. Thanks" that would have been fine.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.