Struggling tonight

[EscapeTheOrdinary]

My ds is 3 weeks old and constantly feeding which is exhausting. I'm finding tonight particularly tough and I know there are extra things contributing to my feelings so I just need to vent. Ds isn't back to his full birth weight yet which I feel guilty for even though midwives said his weight gain has been fine. Due to weight and jaundice I've had regular appointments with a variety of midwives etc which has been stressful and exhausting when family and friend visitors have been coming round too. I've been referred to a feeding clinic as I am using shields and baby has slight tongue tie which may be causing issues but they called today to cancel my appointment for tomorrow. Ds has been non stop feeding today which I know is normal around 3 weeks but it's exhausting! He seems to kick up a fuss during each feed and spit the shield out so im always covered in milk. DH is back at work this week which is also making it so much harder and to top it off I've got constipation and my coccyx is still feeling bruised so I'm uncomfortable as well as emotionally and physically drained

Oh OP. Been there with DD as a newborn with the jaundice and slow weight gain and appointments that seemed as though they were almost daily. It was soul destroying.

But, the fact your DS is feeding loads is GOOD. He's giving your milk supply the message that he wants more milk.

I think these little feeding frenzies are normal every so often in the first few weeks.

Have you Googled to see if there are any other feeding clinics you could trundle along to locally? If not and if you're concerned, could you afford a session with a lactation consultant?

I have been trying to attend one group but always seem to have another midwife or hospital appointment on at the same time. I have rebooked for Thursday so don't have long to wait but it's so frustrating its taken this long to get an appointment only for it to be cancelled last minute. Its a 1-2-1 so hopefully it will be worth the wait. I find I'm being told by midwives that using shields is fine and as baby gets bigger and stronger they may not be needed but I'm being told by the health visitor it may impact my milk supply so where I had confidence feeding him using them now I'm worried I'm causing issues for later on.

I know of someone who fed their DD until she was nearly 2 years old using nipple shields! Her DD just couldn't latch without them.

I wonder whether you might find that you can feed on one side without the shield even if the other side definitely needs a shield. DD's latch was different on each of my boobs and seemed to find one harder work than the other.

I'd say, if it's working for now, don't be worrying about losing the nipple shields. Hopefully your appointment on Thursday will go ahead and you'll have the chance to discuss this.

My DS had slow weight gain and excessive feeding (typical cluster feeding would be a 4ish hour stretch but he would do it for 12hours +). Eventually I discovered the reason was because he wasn't feeding effectively due to tongue tie/poor latch. And when he fell asleep (me thinking he was finished) he was actually exhausted. As a result of ineffective feeding I then ended up with poor supply so it was a vicious circle as the poor supply also made him feed more.

I would push for the tongue tie and support with latching as much as possible. I felt really let down in the end by midwives and feeding support team, everyone contradicted each other. It took the GP at the six week check to make me realise that it could no longer continue and I ended up mixed feeding. GP later told me he was nearly hospitalised because he was failing to thrive.

If you're determined to breastfeed then I would try and pump as much as possible too. I was told to avoid this in the early weeks but actually if I had done then my supply would have been boosted!

Thank you ladies. Hoping the appointment on Thursday can resolve whether his tongue tie is an issue so I know where to go from there. I just find all the medical advice seems conflicting yet they are so keen for people to breastfeed! I don't want to give up trying just yet so hopefully with the right support we can crack it! I'm expressing a bottle for dh to do a feed a day but might try increasing it to two to boost supply

It's funny (not funny) really, the services that were most keen for me to stick with breastfeeding were the same services that actually let us down.

I had similar experiences. I did not get good enough support with BF despite being told at an antenatal class at the hospital that the hospital were strictly advocating BF and not to expect support for formula feeding.

When it came to it all but 2 of my antenatal group were cornered into giving formula top ups by the medical staff before we left hospital as we had 'low milk supply'. I still feel very bitter about this 2 years on.

another awful night and it's not even midnight. I'm stuck in a cycle of feed followed by wind or nappy change followed by him wanting more food. I'm sat alone crying on my bed and feeling angry that a referal wasn't done sooner when a pedeatrician spotted the tongue tie on day 2. I had 3 hours sleep yesterday and I have another 3 nights without dh to support me. I know baby is exhausted inbetween feeds so probably isn't full but ive tried helping him using my hand as suggested and it seems to make no difference. feeling rock bottom tonight and needed a vent

I remember those nights and they are a killer. Are you expressing as well as BF? DS didn't get diagnosed until 4 weeks yet it was a 4 week wait for nhs tongue tie appt. I paid private in the end.

For nights like this I used to just tried to make things as easy as possible... I had a flask of tea by my bed so I could get a cuppa without going downstairs along with any snacks. I then made me and the bed as safe as possible for baby just incase I dozed off. I would be sitting up with him lay on my chest or holding him, but I had a pillow either side of me under my elbows, to support my arms so if I did suddenly doze at least he wouldn't roll off me. It helped because occasionally my eyes did go.

It's so, so tough. I did it on my own too so I know what it's like when no one is there to take over for a couple of hours

O you poor thing. I had this with my first daughter. We used nipple shields for the first ten weeks and she used to cluster feed constantly (6-8 hours at a time) and her feeds would take 1.5 hours, so I barely got any sleep overnight after settling her. She was putting on minimal weight each week and I was so worried about her. I ended up paying for a private lactation consultant to help with getting rid of the shields and to assess for lip and tongue tie which she didn't have. She said her mouth was small and it needed to grow before she could get a proper latch. We did lots of skin to skin and lots of practicing without the shield. I used to take the shield off in the middle of the feed and attempt a latch. If it got sore I would put the shield back on and try again next feed. One day she just latched and I didn't have to use the shield again. I think once you get the tongue tie sorted you might find it resolves the latching issue. I also pumped a lot in between just for 5-10 minute bursts to increase my supply. I was able to breastfeed my daughter for a year and she eventually put on weight and is thriving. You will get there, it's so frustrating when your in the thick of it, night after night and you hear other mums talking about how their child breastfeeds in under 20minutes. You sound like your doing a great job, hopefully the appointment on Thursday will help x

I’m in a very similar situation. Jaundice, not back to birth weight, feeding issues... DS (2 weeks old) has been on my boob since about 8pm (5h plus), he must be shattered. I just tried topping up with a small amount of formula but I don’t think it was enough as he’s still going on the boob. My nipples are blistered. He has literally just dozed off on my boob and I’m desperate to put him down so I can sleep but I know he’ll wake up. It’s so hard.
These are early weeks are so much harder than I expected.

Thank you all for your lovely replies! it feels reassuring to know I am not alone! I feel awful as I know it just be really tough for him as well and hide trying really hard to get the milk. the specialist that referred said she's going to push for an appointment asap it just might mean a bit of a trip to London to get it done quicker. going to look into private too though as a precaution! @SRK15 have you seen a lactation consultant at all? I know 2 weeks is also a growth spurt time so I got robbed off when I raised the same with a midwife but turns out the tongue tie exhausts him during a feed and is likely to have an achy jaw so he doesn't fill up each time

*fobbed not robbed

I haven’t sen one but a midwife noticed possible tongue tie so we had someone assess/sort it out last week. It has helped I think? I would like to see a lactation consultant too but thought I may try local BF groups first, it’s just I can’t drive yet post c section so I need help getting there.
Update on my night- he fell asleep at 2 but then woke himself up pooing half an hour later 😢 so he’s back on the boob. So tired!
It’s very hard watching them working so much for milk and getting frustrated!

@SRK16 that's good they have sorted the tongue tie. I've been trying to get to a local group for weeks but always had an appointment with a health visitor or midwife. Have now decided to wait until his had the tongue tie snipped as I think I will just get upset watching other babies and mums doing well whilst we struggle on. I hope your night got a little better. I find during the day is much easier than night so I'm considering becoming nocturnal!

One thing to bear in mind is that once they have the tongue tie cut, if supply has been compromised then they can really struggle to catch up even if the latch is good, so you can continue to have the weight and sleep issues.

I was advised in addition to BF I needed to be pumping 6-8 times a day to top them up and increase my supply.
So breast feed them as long as they can manage, top them up with some milk you expressed earlier, then once they are fully fed you then express more milk ready for the next feed.

I personally struggled with this as a single parent, mentally and physically, so i ended up down the combination feeding route with formula.

@RainyG I was wondering if he would struggle to catchup once the procedure has been done as it's been 4 weeks and counting. I am hoping it won't be an issue but prepared to combi feed with formula if needed. Hopefully he will catch up quickly and be back on track

I think ultimately as long as they’re fed and gaining weight that’s the most important thing.
I was hoping to top up with expressed milk rather than formula but as he’s spending so long on the boob it’s soul destroying to then be tied to the pump for the small amount of ‘free’ time I have. Hoping if he starts going linger between feeds I’ll have more opportunities to pump! It’s so tough.
Midwives are back to us tomorrow, I hope he’s managed to get some more weight on after my marathon feeding sessions!

@SRK16 I hope tomorrow’s weigh in goes well. We have the health visitor a Tuesday for ours. Hopefully we will both be able to ditch the top ups soon as I agree expressing on top is soul destroying especially when he decides after a few sucks he doesn’t want the rest and it goes down the drain!