Feeling like such a failure

[Witching]

My firstborn is 6 and I have a 10 week old baby. My baby is understandably high needs and I've been doing my best to parent both children but clearly I can't give my older child the same attention I previously have. I thought I was doing ok until tonight when my eldest, in response to me chatting in baby speak with the babe, asked why I'm kind to the baby but not to them. I feel devastated and that I've failed them. We have tried so hard to include the eldest, and to spend time with just them, and have arranged special treats. But it's clearly not enough. My husband tried to comfort me but made it worse by just saying I haven't failed the eldest but not saying anything more. He seemed to struggle to really believe what he was saying and gave no further feedback. DH also said that I shouldn't worry about him (DH) - although he's also clearly been feeling like his "needs" haven't been met lately. Feeling like an abject failure all round right now.

It’s hard when another baby comes along - especially as your oldest has had a few years as an only. You’ve said you’re spending time with just them - is this something you can do as part of your daily routine while your DH takes the baby? For example, a special half hour every evening just the two of you when your oldest chooses what you do together - or you possibly just snuggle up and watch TV? My DD2 looks forward to this ‘quality time’ (her words) everyday and it makes a huge difference to how she feels in the family.

Oh I feel for you! That must be so hard to hear. I think it’s natural for the older sibling to feel a bit left out when a new baby comes along. I agree about spending time alone with your eldest. Would it be possible to do a day out of their choosing with them and the baby? Take baby in a sling if you’re BF. That might show the eldest that even though things are different you can still do the things you did before and it includes the baby so you’re not giving an ‘us and them’ impression if you know what I mean.