AIBU?

[Mamabear500]

Need some advice please. My baby's father was down seeing him and he told him "better stop your greetin or il gee you something to greet about" ( meaning cry about). This was said with a stern tone close to his face and isn't the first time he's said things and shown low tolerance to baby crying. Bearing in mind he has never lived with us nor had to deal with baby crying during teething etc I worry about how he would react if our son was alone with him and crying for hours. It is a threat regardless. How would you deal with this?. I posted yesterday on another board but didn't get many replies so not sure whether I posted it in the wrong bit or not. Sorry I'm new to Mumsnet. Any advice would be appreciated

Also I made the headline AIBU because I've saw a lot of posters on here saying everyone parents differently but I think that's far to extreme to react like that to a tiny baby ( or any child for that matter as it's not something I'd ever say )

That sounds very worrying, and not a normal way to talk to a baby, and the fact he was happy to say it in front of you even more concerning. Do you have any plans for him to have the baby alone ?

@limpingparrot I thought exactly the same. I right away took DS to comfort him and now I'm thinking how I'm going to deal with the situation. He doesn't seem to think he done anything wrong because he "didn't shout" . I have no plans now for him to have him alone.

Does he have unsupervised access? How old is ds?

I think this is unfortunately a phrase that has been used by some Scottish people towards children over the years, it’s not really acceptable now however. Do you have other cause to think that he would present a risk to your baby? I’d certainly not be happy hearing it said to a baby, but I can imagine people I’ve met saying that, when they’d do no such thing - if you know what I mean. I think my reaction also depends on how he responded to your reaction to the comment, you said he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, did he show any willingness not to do it again?

@LIZS no he doesn't. I initially had in my head supervised until around 6 months and then it could move on to him taking baby out for around an hour or 2 and then build it up but he started to show a different side to him when the baby cried and he seemed to think the baby was doing something wrong by crying and would say things that I didn't agree with like "gee it a by" and giving no comfort and he was getting annoyed when DS wouldnt stop and would say "listen to me" as if a tiny baby at that age should be listening when he said stop crying. I just had a bad feeling about leaving them alone and then he's went further by saying what i posted about. Baby is 9 months old. I know DS is safe when I'm there as if never let anything happen to him
Which is why I haven't stopped contact. I just don't know what to do

I'd be appalled to hear that from a parent to their baby. You are not being unreasonable.

At best dad knows nothing about babies and has no patience. Is he pushing to take the baby out alone ? If not just keep supervising the whole visit for now.

@Merename i said I never want to hear that again as it's unacceptable and he just went in a huff and didn't talk then said "your acting like I was shouting" I said you don't need to shout if you were still showing anger to DS because he was upset and it's wrong

@HappyInL0nd0n i was appalled, totally agree. And @limpingparrot no he isn't , that's what I'm going to do , definitely.

Bump

.

I'd be very concerned about leaving him alone with the baby

Have you pulled him up on it. I'd asked him outright what he is playing at, unless you are afraid of him.
It is no way to talk to a baby, he is giving out lots of warning signs, you would be crazy to allow him overnights access.
I wouldn't allow any access until he grew up.

I wouldn't allow him near any child at all unless he changed his ways and realised what he was doing wrong.

I would never leave the baby alone with him. At best, he sounds clueless, incompetent and impatient.

My FIL used to say this to my husband and his brothers when they were little, and he did follow through! Should have been reported to S. Services, but wasn't. When my daughter was little he said it to her. I never would have left her alone with him.