Any advice on helping young child get used to (slight) deformity?

[Rainatnight]

DD (3) was in an accident in nursery a few weeks ago. Her middle finger got caught in a metal gate during a fire drill and the top got crushed. She’s had surgery and now doctors say it’s time to take bandages off to let the air at it.

The trouble is, she won’t. She’s really freaked out by how it looks, and to be honest, I don’t blame her. Imagine someone mashed the top of your middle finger, stitched it up, and the covered it with big bits of scab, and you’ll have an idea. There’s no finger nail any more.

It will get better over time of course, but will never look completely right.

In the immediate term, the priority is getting her comfortable enough with having the bandage off.

I’d love some advice. Thank you.

Oh that's ashame. Poor lamb can understand why it is making her upset to see it. Think it's just a time thing. First few mins and hours will be hard then she will get used to it. I would distract distract distract if it was my little one. Could you take the bandages off when she is in a deep sleep then when she wakes up be very in dramatic about it. "Oh yeah look at your finger. It's ok. Come with mummy I need u to help me make breakfast" then make a big fuss of getting her to make breakfast. A day of anything she wants let's paint. Let's go to the park. Forget the housework and just play all day doing what she wants. If she focuses on her finger suggest the next fun thing for her to do. Good luck.

Take the dressing off at night when she is asleep so the removal is not a big deal. Sometimes the anticipation of the removal and what lies beneath can make it worse. Then minimal fuss and lots of distraction as above when she wakes up.

Sounds painful! Well done you too for coping x

Clutching at straws - could you watch frozen with her?

Or could you make the finger special? It’s been poorly and needs looking after eg tying a different ribbon to the bottom of it to ‘cheer it up’ or some fun plasters for a while. Try and give it a positive association again and maybe picking out plasters, ribbons etc will switch her focus a bit.

I imagine... tell her again & again that it makes no difference to you what her finger is like. Your opinion of her is very important, trumps all others.

At some point it becomes appropriate to point out all the people in the world who have slight anatomical oddities. A short leg or a white streak in hair or a missing arm or just plain dwarf. These people get on with their lives (too).

& when she's older... most people have interior anatomical oddities. a missing kidney or organs the wrong way around, etc. Just not as obvious.

I know this is a bit of an old thread but how did it go when you removed the bandages and how did it heal?

I'm in a similar boat, but haven't mentioned to him how it might look.