11wk old sleep advice - am I going wrong?

[Giraffe888]

Morning All 😃

I’m just after some advice/opinions as I’m unsure what to do for the best.

We co-sleep.

My DS has had colic since 5wks and every night he’s been woken in pain by his tummy from 2am so has then been unsettled/upset/in pain for the rest of the night resulting in no sleep for either of us.

We’ve got a snuzpod which he hated at first but on the odd occasion he has settled in it and sometimes after the first feed but he now won’t entertain it at all.

A few nights ago in desperation as I was ill, when he woke at 1am I put his head in my elbow join then laid his body down the side of my body (if that makes sense?!) to see if that would settle him better. I’ve now done it for the last 3 nights and he’s sleeping a lot better and seems a lot more settled.

He hasn’t been writhing and screaming in as much pain the last few nights. I don’t know if that’s because of how he’s sleeping or if his colic is easing as he’s getting older.

My question is, am I creating problems for myself by doing this? Should I stop doing it now? or is there an age when I should stop doing it and be trying more to get him to sleep without sleeping in my arm?

I just feel like I don’t know what to do for the best and that any decision I make is the wrong one and I’m doubting myself as to whether I’m actually helping us out or making things worse 🙁

I’ve not described how he’s sleeping properly! My arm is tucked in my side, his head and body are on my arm running down the side of my body. The snuzpod is next to my arm if he was to roll

IMO, co-sleeping is brilliant and exactly the way babies should sleep, as long as you're doing it safely. The only thing that would stop me is either myself or partner being a smoker. I am happy to abstain from alcohol too - that's the other big one. If it becomes a problem later, then fix it later. Baby sleep is a crap shoot IME and it's so much easier to go with it and just accept it for what it is rather than spend all that time stressing and trying to change things that are working for you currently.

However I'm not 100% clear from your description - is his head on your arm? Unfortunately that's not a safe position before 3 months (so he is nearly there) because unless he has good head control, it can cause him to slip into a chin-to-chest position during the night. (This is from Basis.)

If you're really against co-sleeping long term a lot of "sleep experts" (I would take this with a pinch of salt TBH...) claim that 3-6 months is the prime time to set up more independent sleep habits - not sleep training, but changing the way you approach sleep in order to encourage them to be more independent. Again, though, there is no right or wrong, and personally if co-sleeping is working I'd just keep doing it.

My guess would be that a combination of being close to you and the slightly inclined position is soothing his tummy pain.

@bertiebotts thank you for your reply.

He is sleeping on my arm yes. He has excellent head control and moves it round a lot. I do think the inclined position and not being directly on his back is helping his tummy and he settles so much better.

Is this a position I shouldn’t be doing though?

Ideally he should be flat on his back but next to you - although I do take this with a pinch of "do what you must to survive". A midwife told me when DS1 was tiny that side sleeping is OK, it's just risky because they roll onto their fronts and then people try to prop them up which is a suffocation risk.

The only reason I'd query head on arm is literally what is written in the link I added, I don't know any more information than that. Perhaps it would be worth sending an email to Basis to ask them? If he is 11 weeks old then that is a couple of weeks off 3 months so it might be OK with good head control, or it might be something that's better to try and avoid for a bit longer.

I cosleep. It's the best way for both of us to sleep and works for us and natural for your baby to want to be near you.
I think it's probably best to have him on the bed rather than your arm though. Do you breastfeed? I tend to position my baby's head at breast so he can latch on for maximum rest.
I recommend looking up BASIS and reading their safe sleep guidelines - to help you consider if good for your circumstances.

@BertieBotts I’ll do that thank you 😃 I’d not heard of basis. I’ve read a lot on safe co-sleeping.

@Lalapurple yes I do BF. He’s not always great at feeding lying down so I usually pick him up and sit up to feed him.

My baby never liked to sleep on his back. We co-slept and he would fall asleep on his side in the crook of my arm after feeding lying down. When we stopped co-sleeping at about 3 months he would sleep on his front (much against all of the official advice) and he slept SO much better.