How do I make the most of the time that I am able to spend with my daughter?

[FatherB]

Me and my ex broke up at the beginning of the year. We've done the whole family court thing, I wanted nothing more than to try for full custody and I genuinely believe I had a good case, but the truth is I felt that my circumstances weren't the best for my daughter. I still had a few things to sort out financially and whilst things were technically fine, they were definitely more stable and objectively better (in my eyes) on the other side.

The split was extremely hostile. The current situation involves little to no communication and i've had to move away from my support group to be closer to my daughter.

So we came to an arrangement eventually, I currently have my daughter once a fortnight for a few hours, with that amount gradually increasing over time.

I'm ecstatic about being able to see her, as that wasn't the case for a while. I just feel like such a failure. I've fought hard for what I have and whilst things might amicably be worked out in the future, I suspect there will be more need for court intervention in the future.

However, she's never going to know any of that, at least not properly. She's just going to know who was there and for how long.

I want every moment I spend with her to be special and I just feel myself getting emotional before and after every visit, just wondering how I can be the best for her. I can handle the other stuff but I love her with all my heart and I can't help but feel like I need to do more.

I keep thinking about what I should do with her during my visits, I've looked up different activities but she's only two, and a lot of the stuff out there isn't designed for her.

She loves going to the park, but I worry that she'll love spending the day on the slide but my involvement is minimal (basically just consisting of making sure she doesn't hurt herself and changing her or giving her snacks/lunch) and the weather is going to make it a non option soon anyway but walking around the shops and buying her stuff seems counter productive because then any relationship we build will be bought and she'll continue to expect stuff.

I'm rambling on at this point, I hope someone can give some help or insight. What would you lovely people suggest for activities that a two year old would enjoy and would involve the both of us? how can I make the time that I do spend with her special and memorable?

My girls live with us and see their birth mother once a month for 2 hours (if she turns up)

I can honestly say that its about the time, they say they love playing games, drawing and when she pays them quality attention. It doesnt matter what they do, its about what she does. We have written reports and its clear from those this is the case.

Im sorry that you are in the situation you are in, for you and your child, as its not nice but take all the advice you can and focus on the quality of your relationship during the time spent xx

My daughter loves anything crafty. You could make some bits together. Or puzzles they seem to love those and it means the two of you doing it together. Another favourite is movie night where we cuddle on the sofa with a load of crap to eat and just watch whatever movie she wants.

Yes, don’t orchestrate some amazing outing every time. Just being together messing about, reading, drawing, tickling, telling stories, singing, crafts, playground, watching animals, decorating cookies and so on. You want her to know you as mum so just do mum things!

I understand that as the time I have with her increases (to eventually encompass weekends) it will become more natural and there will be enough time to chill and do casual stuff but I can't help but feel that because right now the time is only 2-3 hours a fortnight due to distance, and that has to be spent (because of logistics) in a city centre or nearby attraction, I almost have to do something fun because otherwise she'll just forget about me?

Maybe i'm just being silly, it's just tough. I probably just needed to rant a bit haha but thank you for the replies :) i'm definitely going to look into puzzles and more crafty activities that we can do, maybe in a coffee shop or something.

A library. Read her stories and see if there any activities on during the day there too

The problem with going somewhere is exciting is you dont actually get one to one time to get to know each other and spend time together.
Could you take her to the library? My daughter is 2. She loves snuggling up and reading stories as much as she loves going to theme parks.
Buy some sticker books and do them in a cafe together, have lunch and a cake.
Find out if there is a play cafe in the town you visit, where they have toys laid out and you can play together.

If I take my dc to the park I mostly sit on a bench and watch them, as it's a break for me from being with them so much. The memorable parent would be the one who went on everything with them, pulled funny faces with very swing, swept them up in a cuddle after every slide.

I agree with the PP who suggested a library.

What about wellies and a walk looking for crunchy leaves and puddles?

You don't want to become a "Disney Dad" where everything is allowed and rewarded. You need to parent your child at the same time as having awesome fun! Parent her as you would if you were there full time. Say no when necessary, get down to her level, make eye contact and talk to her or as the hours increase you'll find yourself with increasingly difficult behaviours to parent as your reward.

Lots of towns have community activities. Look on the town's community pages online. Where I live we've recently had an outdoor cinema, beach, street artists.... very many family activities at weekends and all completely free.

Parks are awesome. Why not include a treasure hunt? My 2yr old loves those bloody awful cards Sainsbury's are giving away. Tell her you're on a treasure hunt and hide them in the park as she's approaching an area. Treasure doesn't have to be edible!

Or create a picture list of things to find and do a scavenger hunt.... stick, feather, flower, stone etc! All free fun and lots and lots of interaction and opportunities to praise!

Your undivided attention is what she wants OP. She won't care what the two of you are doing if you are listening and responding to her. I hope it works out for you both.

I agree with others that it’s the quality of the interaction rather than the “fun-ness” of the activity. In fact my 3yo DD can often get quite overwhelmed by new “fun” activities. While I was pregnant with DC2 my DH would take DD out every Sunday for a couple of hours. They would go to the park then go to the pub and share a packet of crisps. Super low-key but they both loved it and still go fairly regularly now. I think especially while you’re trying to reconnect it would be a good idea to keep things low pressure with lots of opportunity to interact.