About the girl who doesn't like dd

[Holymolly]

Dd is in reception and theres a girl there who dd really likes but it's pretty obvious she doesnt like dd.
My dd is quite bubbly, quite a character, chatty (non stop!!) Etc
The other little girl, who I don't know very well, is quiet and comes across.. shall we say, older than her years? Almost like "I don't have time for this nonsense" type

Issue is, dd really likes her and I feel like it's causing her some anxiety, this other girl will play with her sometimes then ignore her other times. Even just little things like at the start of school dd will say "hi XXX!, Hi!" And keep saying hello but the other girl just looks straight ahead, stoney faced and will ignore her completely. (Whilst her mum just stands by looking on but not saying anything) And my dd looks very confused/hurt.
Its hard to see tbh and her dad just told me today that this other little girl called dd fat, (she's not) and it's really upset dd. She was crying after school and doesn't understand why this girl is acting this way when everyone else around her loves her. It's new territory for her and I know it's a learning curve, something she will come across etc but I just feel so bad for her.
I try and say not to speak to this girl and play with her friends but it's like she wants to be liked by her so tries harder only to get the same dismissive treatment.
I know I can't protect her from this completely but how can i help arm her with ways to deal with it?

Bump

I know it's hard but try not to worry too much. I have a similar friendly dd and noticed many children wouldn't respond to a hello or goodbye, which I always found odd, but not much you can do to change them... I think you can only help your dd to learn not to care.

Maybe you could do a few park playdates with other kids in class to try and help her to not be interested in this particular girl.

I would also tell the teacher about the fat comment as that is unkind.

Could you start by having a chat with you DD to explore why she wants to be friends with this girl? It's a sad fact of life that some people just don't like others and I think I'd be making it clear in an age appropriate way that some people are not very thoughtful or kind and it is nothing that you dd has done to warrant this treatment. If you can explore her reasons why and her feelings she may feel less confused about this other girls behaviour and more able to cope with the rejection.

I'd try to be too dramatic about it with her (not saying that you are) so that she can take the lead from you that whilst this might feel like a shame, it's not a huge deal.

Just keep reiterating things along the lines of "never mind if she doesn't want to be friends, there are plenty of boy and girls that do. Some people change their a lot/can be mean sometimes/just don't like to play the same games as you". If she can absorb that and be resilient about it then it's a lesson well learned. There are lots of things that kids can really benefit from learning to shrug their shoulders, smile, and say oh well about!

Even just little things like at the start of school dd will say "hi XXX!, Hi!" And keep saying hello but the other girl just looks straight ahead, stoney faced and will ignore her completely.

She’s in reception, so she’s 4. They’re both at fault here - yes, it would be polite to say hello. Your DD is being annoying by constantly saying hi over and over again to her when she just wants to be left alone in the morning.

I would also at the same time try to not make a big deal out of things, otherwise she will feel your worry.

I would try to deal with things with humour where you can.... For example when she called your daughter fat, maybe you could turn it into a fun tickling session..... Say your not fat!!! .... You are as small as a cat... No, smaller.... Small as a mouse.... No smaller.... Small as an ant. Tickling her while you are joking with her.

Maybe when you have your joke with her you could say in a relaxed way its not kind to comment on people's appearances, so don't pay attention when anyone does it.

^^ This!

You need also to teach your DD about boundaries and allowing children space. Also that she should be friendly with lots of children and try to play with many different ones - not try and force a friendship onto this other child. (Very valuable lesson moving forward - I say this a mother to two older DDs). In reality this other girl may be having her own issues in the morning about going into school etc and most likely doesn't enjoy a bubbly girl repeatedly trying to get her attention (try and explain this to your DD in a child friendly way).

My ^^ this was referring to PotteringAlong's comments.

The fat comment is unkind and I agree a quiet word with the teacher might be wise .
However the saying 'hello' back try not to worry about- my eldest was always 'blanked' saying hello at this age (used to really bother me too) but my other two I would have to nag at them to say hello back to other children - don't know why they didn't automatically do this but it was never personal and not to do with disliking other kids

I have to agree with a pp encourage your dd to have a wide range of friends and explore why she is set on this one girl.Also when to back off where necessary. The other kid could be shy and the continual hello will make matters worse. It's as well she learns these skills now because friendships can be tricky to navigate.

It's best to leave them to sort themselves out, its part of learning how to navigate friendship, and its sometimes hard, but we all go through it.

@Holymolly what @PotteringAlong says.
The fat comment is unkind but your dd could be annoying the other girl too. By next week they’ll either be bff or they will each have new bff .... until half term!