Too pushy ?

[BB12]

My baby was 7 weeks early, now 8 weeks on...
I've started a bedtime routine,
Bath, bottle, bed... after the bottle he is super sleepy, as soon as I put him down he starts crying for at least 5 mins. I have been leaving him to cry and after that time he normally goes to sleep.
I do have to keep him awake after his 3pm bottle to get him to sleep at 7pm.

Am I being a pushy mum to get him into this routine so early on or am I doing the right thing ?

Just feeling a little guilty 😭!

Thanks in advance xx

Nope. I did the same with both my girls and they've been fantastic sleepers.

It's working for you so carry on.

Pushy? I had a routine from day one! Kids slept in their own room. Bath, story, feed, bed, lights out and me gone. My first was a good sleeper seemed to work pretty quick (sleepy wake for feed before I went to bed) but my daughter took three months as she had bad reflux (so would start to cry as soon as I put her down). But though I never left her to cry for more than a couple minutes I persevered and she got it once her digestion settled down.
Kids like routine and even very young babies can get into the rhythm!

You’re baby was premature and is now only one week corrected? Is that right?

He’s far FAR too small for a routine. Keeping a premature vulnerable baby awake when he’s tired and leaving him to cry is borderline cruel, never mind pushy!

My twins were six weeks premature. Premature babies have already had a tough start in life and they need endless love, affection and attention. Not putting into a routine they won’t understand when they’ve barely even worked out their a separate entity from you. Stop keeping him awake when he’s tired and stop leaving him to cry. Your guilt is there for a reason. Please listen to it.

@Pipandmum putting babies in their own room before six months is a SIDS risk. I would imagine putting a premature baby in its own room so young would be even more so. Hopefully the OP isn’t doing that.

@nuckyscarnation

Yes that correct he is technically 1 week old,
He gets my love and affection all during the day.
He's doing overly well for a premature baby, nearly holding his head and smiling already... you wouldn't think he was prem.
He is normally awake for two hours after his 3pm bottle we do play and tummy time - as advised by the health visitor!

My routine seems to be working so far, so I'm going to try stick to it, he is still in our room.

Thank you @Dandelion1993 @Pipandmum ❤️

The thing is op that love and affection during the day isn’t enough. Your baby needs the same over night. He’s only a week old.

He’s your baby to do with as you choose, but leaving a tiny baby to cry is not something I can see eye to eye with I’m afraid.

I read your first post as you keep him awake from his 3pm bottle until 7pm, hence my reaction. So apologies if I got that wrong. Having said that I couldn’t have kept mine awake for two hours at a week old even if I’d wanted to!

The wake time is way too much for a newborn. A baby that young is meant to be sleeping every 1 he 30 min atleast.

I would start routine when your baby is 6 month corrected x

You’re clearly happy with your approach but the idea of leaving such a tiny new baby to cry makes me feel sick. He needs love and cuddles and to know you’re there for him 24/7.

I think he’s far too little for a routine. You need to be following his needs.

@daisydoooo
I think that is a little rude and harsh!
I'm not doing it to suit my life style... he is 2 months old! Was out off hospital really quick.
I respect everyone gets to voice their opinions, but your a little to quick to judge!

If you're happy with how things are then I'm not sure why you asked?

If a routine is helping then go for it but I'm not sure about leaving him to cry, seems harsh when he's so tiny - I don't think that is recommended until they're at least 6 months.

No way! I had routine from day 1 with both kids. And both in their own bedrooms by 8 weeks as they were sleeping through.

The people saying they had a routine from 8 weeks or earlier, did that involve leaving them to cry?

Every mum finds their own way but agree with PP that this doesn't sit right with me. Parenting is a 24 hour job, you don't just not respond to your tiny baby's needs because it's night time.

You clearly aren't feeling that guilty or really considering the possibility that you're being too pushy with his routine

OP I fear you have asked the wrong crowd here. Fasten down the hatches and prepare for much judgement and accusation. Someone might even take the time to ring social services, such is the gravity of your crimes.
I however, think you should do what's working for you and YOUR baby. I had my baby in a routine early on and am happy to report she's a fabulously kind confident and happy wee girl now. I have friends who take a very different approach and that's fine- their kids are kind happy wee people too. Go figure. The best thing you can teach your son is confidence in your own convictions and love. You're rocking it. Don't listen to a bar of this bullshit above.

I however, think you should do what's working for you and YOUR baby.

What about this is working for the tiny crying baby who’s mum or dad isn’t coming to him because it’s not part of this all important routine?

OP is clearly not asking for anything but validation but anyone can reply to her thread and tell her, with their own experiences of parenting and babies, that she’s not doing the best thing for her baby. Barely out in the world and being ignored because it’s inconvenient.

Best parenting advice I've ever been given;

1: Look up 'The fourth trimester' and

2: Trust your gut feelings ❤️

As the mother of a premature baby who has also done very well I would really advise against this. Your baby missed some very very critical steps in neurodevelopment by being born early. This is why it is recommended that well past their due date we respond to them by their corrected not actual age, to compensate for these ‘missing links.’ So my 26 weeker also had a routine but it would be unusual for a 2 month old baby to be kept up for 2 hours (and not great for brain development again- sleep is essential) let alone a baby whose brain is really a week old.
Have a routine, as I said, we did, a good bedtime routine and I breastfed my 26 weeker to a more or less routine as well, but be really conscious of what your baby missed out on and how you can compensate. And rest and the correct kind of stimulation is really key at this age.

Incidentally my 26 weeker has caught up size wise and cognitively despite a brain bleed and isn’t yet 3 and can count, add, read simple words etc. But I spent a great deal of time making sure that he had enough rest so his brain could ‘catch up.’

Nothing wrong with a routine.
But EVERYTHING wrong with keeping a 1 week old awake when they want to sleep, and leaving them to cry.

I’m a huge routine fan, even did Gina Ford with great results- DD was sleeping 10pm-7am by 4 weeks and 7pm-7am by 3.5 months. But I would never try to force a newborn to stay awake from 3-7pm or leave them to cry. I don’t know of any ‘routine’ that would suggest this and sorry but I think yes you’re being too pushy, no you’re not doing the right thing and you should stop immediately.

I respect everyone gets to voice their opinions, but your a little to quick to judge!

Right. Most of us have raised multiple babies. What do we know?

@BB12 if you’re not doing it to suit your lifestyle then WHY are you doing it?

@HuloBeraal made some excellent points in her post and you would do well to listen. You shouldn’t be keeping a one week old baby awake or leaving them to cry. It’s very damaging.