Am I being unfair?

[stillhavenoidea]

Name changed for this as I'd rather it wasn't linked to previous posts.

It's a long one....

Ds9 dad and I have been separated since ds was about 18 months and looking back we should never really have been together. He was very controlling and always thinks his way is the only way but I couldn't see it at the time and it took years for me to actually stand up to him even in small ways.

Our arrangement has always been 50:50 with a 3 day/4 day rotation and he still pays child support which the cms website says he should (had to check this a few times as everything I've seen on mn seems to state that no child support is due if 50:50 arrangement). All of this has just been done between us and I've no idea if the figure is correct as I have no idea what his salary is and what he gives me is plenty as far as I'm concerned. I probably wouldn't have agreed to 50:50 if I wasn't talked into it and told over and over how unreasonable I was being. I wasn't working at the time and DS spends a lot of exes time with his grandparents rather than his dad due to long work hours.

My issue now is that I've been with DP for a few years and am pregnant (ex doesn't know yet and I'm sure he'll have lots to say about it even though he lives with his current DP and her dd). I'd like to move to dp's home town which is 20 miles in one direction from where I am now and ex lives another 10 miles in the opposite direction. I know many exes make it work with that distance but I don't drive so all I can imagine are exes objections and I'm worried that he'll wear me down and convince me I'm being unreasonable. I do think it will mean changing our standing arrangement and ex will get less than 50% which I feel bad about but I'm worried that he'll wear me down again and I'll end up giving in and putting my life on hold again.

Would I really be so unreasonable to move?

It’s your son’s needs that are of paramount importance. If he will be upset at seeing less of his dad then you need to find a way to make sure that doesn’t happen.

I'm not sure he would tbh. The 50:50 occasionally seems more disruptive as he doesn't really have a 'base' as such. Doesn't refer to either of our houses as 'home' but as mums house and dads house. Not sure if I'm just reading too much into that? Land like I said, he spends a lot of his dads time with his grandparents as they do a lot of childcare

How would you feel if things were the other way around, and he moved away, and moved the child to a school nearby, which makes ur ability to see the child a challenge...

Both parents have equal rights, and honestly, for how some men disregard their kids when they have partners is really sad. Your DS is lucky to have a decent father who wants to be in his life, I think the child has rights, and these should be the priority. He needs both and 3/4 alternate days is a good arrangement to keep.

Controversial... Is it ever right to hit a child in discipline? At what age does this become unacceptable? How should a parent go about physically punishing a child? I'm doing a school project on corporal punishment of children and would be super interested in parents feedback :)