The mum juggle - struggling!!

[Alicia870]

DD is 12 months and I've been back to work now for 3 months. I'm back 3 days a week but will be up to 4 days in a couple of months time.
Finding it really tough at the minute and feel pulled in so many directions. Only coming here to vent and hopefully find some other mums who have been there and maybe some who have come through the tough times.
There's so much going on in my head - stress, multitasking, guilt, constantly feeling like I'm not doing any job well.

My husband is self employed and hangs back a couple mornings a week to do nursery run but then that means he is often working later only getting home when bed time is over. He also works a lot at weekends too. I have a long commute to work so on the days I work they are long days.
I'm finding it hard constantly switching from professional mode to mummy mode all the time. Last night for example was sitting in a rocking chair soothing her at 4am knowing I had an alarm set for 5.20am to get up and do a 12 hour day at work. I have some stressful work stuff going on right now too which isn't helping matters as that's seeping into my mind on my 'days off' and making me feel stressed and anxious.

I'm not really posting this for any reason other than to hopefully get some reassurance that it'll get better?

I believe there is a short period between them leaving home and starting their own family where you get a bit of a rest. So I've heard.

Hi OP, I’m empathise. I went back to work 4 days a wk when my little one was 10months old- then around 18months I had to go back full time. I hate it- it’s not easy. (DD is now just 2yrs old)
It makes it easier that she’s in a nursery I and she love, I’m so happy knowing she’s there and she likes it. I value my annual leave to spend with her, we make full use of our time and weekends and I’m home every night for bath book bottle and bed. Also helps that when she is “on one”- oh the terrible 2s are a joy- I can escape to the adult world for a short time to regain my calm.
Not going to lie my gym time, hang out with non mum friends has fallen my the waist side but oh well.
The juggling gets easier with routine; both yours and theirs!

It does get easier or should I say you get used to it.
I went back full time 5 days when DD1 was 6m and 4 days with 1 WFH day with DD2 again at 6m, now 9 and 4yrs.
With up to an hour drive I'm often out of the house for 11 hours which does make it a long day and often on week days its literally home, tea and bed within 2 hours which doesn't leave a lot of time for anything else.
You get into a routine and so do the kids.
Trick is not to overcommit at the weekends and have some time to chill, cuddle and enjoy that time together.

I'm not sure easier is how I'd describe it. I don't think it really goes away. Mine are both in primary school and I still feel pulled in every direction. It's the rush to get everyone out on time in the morning. Then go to work and have a stressful day at work. Pick the kids up and find out what disaster happened at school. Yesterday it was DS1 bit DS2 at play time . Then home, feed myself, squeeze in home work, reading and actually spending quality time with both kids. All in the space of 90-120 minutes. Get kids to bed. Try to relax for a bit of time to myself in the evening and then do it all again. At the moment I'm super stressed because we're moving house on top of everything else.

Had a chat today with my manager and he has two young kids himself. He was actually incredibly empathetic and understanding.
I spoke to him about actually increasing my working week to 4 days. I like my job and to be completely honest, feel it's a break to get out to work, which makes me feel so so guilty.
I just feel between a rock and a hard place. Don't get me wrong, I love the time I have with my daughter, but she's at such a demanding stage. I can't turn my back for two seconds for fear she will fall and hurt herself. She's climbing everything and getting very challenging at nap time, refusing to sleep unless she's read books for at least an hour before sleeping.
All part and parcel of motherhood of course and I know I'll miss these days. Which makes me feel so incredibly guilty for wanting to give up a day spent with her to spend in work.
My husband moved to being self employed in the hope that it would free him up, but in reality the stakes are so much higher when he turns down work or lets a client down. Days off don't get paid for and his business suffers if he can't be at beck and call of his clients so it's not really his fault. But I do feel so much responsibility on my shoulders. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of parenthood on my own mostly, as well as feeling like the head maid of the house, while still trying to maintain a professional job.
Sigh!