Child not enjoying sports

[northernlassthree]

My dd(9) used to enjoy PE, running around games at cubs, sports day etc despite not being the fastest or most athletic. I loved how relaxed she was about losing and seemingly enjoying just taking part. Lately though she has started to dislike these things because of the competition involved. She says she can’t enjoy them anymore because everyone around her thinks winning is good/cool and losing isn’t. I really want her to find the joy in these things again despite those around her, but I can totally relate to what she’s saying. However, I do come across people occasionally (children and adults) who seem to be genuinely unworried about playing and not winning in sports. How can I help her be that person again?

One route would be to find some less competitive things for her to try. My DS1 has recently started a rookie lifeguarding course, which is open to age 8 and above, as long as they can swim well enough. Plenty of exercise but no issues about winning and losing.

Worrying less about winning and losing is part of growing up. You learn to be happy with improving your own performance, and let it go when it doesn't happen.

That's a great idea. She a strong (but again not fast) swimmer and something like that would really suit her. I'll make some enquiries thank you

Does she like ponies? Could take her horse riding. Park Run? They're very non-competitive. In fact running you tend to compete against yourself for the most part?

Ponies are not an option (various reasons). She does parkrun but so does ds (8) who is younger and faster unfortunately. She seems ok with that thankfully (he's really encouraging and doesn't rub it in at all) and enjoys it in a way. I guess I'm just sad that games and 'fun' PE lessons are no longer enjoyable for her when they should be. Spoke to DH about it earlier and his view is 'that's life - she'll get used to it'

Happy to help. You could mention it at parents' evening?

I may mention it at parents evening but conscious that it sounds a little overprotective (which it maybe is). I think I'm wanting to support her to overcome that feeling and pressure from others. I feel it myself terribly and it has stopped me doing so much when I was younger. It's only now I recognise it and think 'Sod it, I'll have a go anyway'. It would be wonderful if she could get to that point at a young age so that she can be healthy growing up

Same happened to my DDs. Fine while they didn't realise they were hopeless, got put off when too many in the class started being winning focussed. Much better at secondary where they 'set' for PE, and even better y10/11 when they could pick their activities.

In the meantime - ice skating?

Ooh I hope secondary is better. We went ice skating during the holidays, and she enjoyed it but again, her little brother found it easier. She is strong with good stamina over longer distances (can swim, walk and run slowly but steadily for a long time). Maybe once they start doing longer distance stuff in school she'll come into her own a bit. That's what I'm telling her anyway.
Really helpful responses from you all, thank you.

She should also get to try some different sports at secondary, so hopefully she'll find her thing. Certainly sounds like she could be a distance runner, so how about orienteering?

The only reason I suggested mentioning it at parents' evening was in the hope that it might trigger a whole class reminder that sports aren't all about winning. But you're right, it could be seen as over-protective.