Appropriate conversations around children

[CAS56]

My partner and I are trying to conceive - and a situation happened that has made me question if we have the same approach to parenting.

Out with family, including his niece (11) and nephew (9). Their dad had had a few pints and began talking about random thing searched for on the internet- including anal beads and dildos. This was in front of his children and were listening. Dad later starting talking about how s&@t his food was and how he would not be going back to the s£"t place. Again in front of his children.

It made me feel very uncomfortable, especially for the children, as parents who regularly drink around their children and behave in this way on a regular basis can have long term effects on the children. I explained this to my partner who said that he saw no issues with what had happened, that I should not judge people and his BiL would not have meant anything by it. Also that the children were too young to understand it all and that they seemed happy.

I asked if it would be acceptable for me to do the same in front of our own children to which he said that he should have to think about everything he said and did around children.

Am I over reacting and wanting to over protect children or should I be concerned by the issue as it looks like we potentially have very different opinions to what if acceptable around children - language and behaviour.

My 2 year old understands that shit is a bad word, so we’ve started spelling it when absolutely necessary. No yanbu. But sounds like he was defending his brother.

Absolutely Not you have every right to be offended I would be appalled at that sort of language and sexual talk in front of children then these people wonder why their tweenies are pregnant with sexulation of children getting younger and they can google what dad said!
My daughter is 4 and she is the language police if anyone says a swear word so I'm fully with you!

I too would be appalled at that.
It is good that you are having these conversations with your dp now. Too many people rush into having children without having been together for vey long and had the chance to gauge if their partners 'boundaries' are at around the same place as their own.
Potentially he was feeling a bit defensive about his brother in that particular conversation, but worth having conversations starting "so what if......" before making any commitments.

Of course the kids understand what he is talking about! And they may be motivated to google it to find out more!
Totally not appropriate.

And to add I don’t think that’s appropriate to talk to with other adults unless you are in a relationship. I hate that kind of thing that gets passed off as ‘banter’. I’d have said to change the subject if i was there, and if that got a bad reaction I’d leave.

I agree it was totally inappropriate. I hope he has been told so!