feel guilty about how I treat my toddler

[RFCMummy]

I guess I am looking for some support or for someone to say 'yeah that's normal!'. I have DD1 18 months and DD2 12 weeks so I am fairly tired but still take them out every day and do stuff to keep DD1 entertained and manage the house etc. DD1 is not yet talking and is obviously getting frustrated and having a few tantrums which are normal for her age but some days she just whines about everything and it does my head in and I end up saying 'for goodness sake what do you want now, you are doing my head in!!' Then I feel terrible and am now beating myself up about not being very nice to her :-(

i only have 1 dd 3 years old, and we all say things we dont mean , everyone has bad days i now what you mean about feelin horrible about it. im the same so keep your head up its normal to have good and bad days.

you are doing your best - if you take them out every day that is pretty good going IMO. The tantrum thing is normal, plus there may be some jealousy in there as well. But remember - they will not remember ANY of this when they are older!

Message withdrawn

I know how you feel. There are 11 months between my two and you can feel very stretched sometimes. I was very snippy with DS a lot of the, especially as DD was a very difficult baby.

I agree with previous poster, don't try and be supermum. Go out for a walk everyday if it makes you feel better (I know getting out makes me feel a lot more sane!) but don't feel you have to keep you elder child amused all the time. There is nothing wrong with putting them in front of the tv for a short time whilst you have a quiet cup of tea to recharge.

Is there anyone who could take either one of them for a couple of hours just so you can catch up on some sleep, relax etc?

It will get a bit easier when your younger baby is a bit older and they can play together (or fight together, in my case!)

Thanks ladies,

Doodle I think you are very right. I set too high standards for myself and because my relationship with my own mother is poor I am desperate to be different with my girls and to be there all the time for them but I have realised now that they will be happy if I am happy and so I need to chill out a bit and accept that the housework can wait and it's ok to have a lazy day at home now and then!

i've chosen to lower my standards too, because i've been getting too stressed and ranty with my DS. DH pointed out that i don't have to make DS elaborate healthy meals each day, so when he throws it on the floor from time to time i don't have to get so upset- there nothing wrong with a sandwich and some fruit! Also it's finding the line between messy house and filthy house. Messy house can wait til morning if need be!

i've been much better lately- i try to ask myself 'does this REALLY matter?' when i feel annoyed about something he's doing / not doing. Most of the time it doesn't.

I've also introduced a swear box- i put in money every time i swear in front of DS, to help me stop swearing in front of him
It is working!