Food refuaal/aversion

[Silentlysinking101]

Dd is 6, up to being 15-18 months would eat anything and everything with no issues. Then she developed a hacking cough that caused her to throw up after virtually every meal (asthma eventually diagnosed) and the pediatric dermatology decided we had to restrict other things from her diet to test whether it was food that was causing her to become so ill with chronic eczema and urticaria.

As a result she will barely eat anything. Her whole diet revolves around chicken nuggets, sausages and jam sandwiches. She used to eat fruit but has two wobbly teeth and now refused them as it hurts.

I have tried everything I can think of. I try not to get cross and make meal times a battle but it is hard at times.

We have stopped her being in sandwiches at school and put her on dinners as a) I am sick of of eating money on food she decides she won't eat and b) I am hoping seeing other kids eating and enjoying different foods will encourage her to try new foods and stuff she always used to eat.

She is healthy, hospital are happy with her weight etc (17.8kg at last visit), but she is on some pretty heavy Meds due to allergies which can cause complications to her vital organs so keen to try and encourage her to eat more fruit and veg for a start... But how?!

Any ideas/tips gratefully received

My special needs son has oral aversion-as a baby he was aspirating and having repeat bouts of pneumonia. He had other growth issues requiring a feeding tube. He is a young adult now but only eats certain foods and no liquids. Thankfully for his tube we can give him liquids and concentrated nutrition. He's received a lot of intense speech therapy and CBT to get him this far. Perhaps therapy can help? Also seeing other children eating has also helped.

We all know food avoidance is difficult to deal with but eventually your child will not be healthy. The boy in Bristol is testament to this.

All other children bite with other teeth when one or two are loose. I would get tough on that. Try and explain why these foods are needed. She’s not a baby and could understand simple nutrition. I saw a programme once with Tanya Bryer and she introduced food gradually to fussy eaters. I think you have to reward eating and ensure she understands that all DC eat. She has no choice!

I don't know, but if her weight is good then in wouldn't worry. I used to try and get calories into my boy any which way. I'd make porridge with cream etc. He could easily not eat lunch at school but got quite thin until I realised he wasn't eating his lunch. He's nearly 14 and still there 2 kids if sandwiches in the bin this week. He also threw the school sandwich away as it contained mayo so he's basically missed 3 meals this week alone. He's thin but last time he was weighed he was ok, borderline but ok. Will your dd eat crumble and ice cream? My son likes cooked fruit with custard or ice cream, and making his own smoothies.

I am tough with her, but ALL the research and advice says do not turn it into a battle. And for my sins I have raised a very strong willed independent kid.

She will eat grapes, but school confiscate if not cut up and she says that they don't taste the same, I think they dry out a bit once cut and sat around in a lunch box so honestly I can't blame her.

She is aware to use other teeth, but that doesn't change the fact she won't eat.

She is allergic to citrus so it's difficult to do smoothies, shop bought all have orange or lemon juice in them and blended grape and apple is not a great one.

She won't eat cooked fruit at all, mind she isn't a fan of anything hot.

I have tried buying butchers sausages with fruit/veg in. She will occasionally eat them but if there are bug chunks she refuses.

I think your DD has some food anxiety, she is confused about what is safe to eat and what will make her ill. Only you and some time can teach her what is safe and what not.

My DD was a very fussy eater around your DD age (without any worrying health problems). I got her to eat "normal" dimmer by accident.
DH used to work nights & did days. We did manage to have a family meal before he left for work. I had baby DS at the time, and would leave all dinner stuff on the table so I could spend time with DC before bedtime. Once they were asleep, I clear up.
Anyway, DD rarely had her dinner, I didn't make fuss it was there to take or leave. I didn't offer any alternatives either.
She did however start to eat her cold food while I was busy with DS. To start with it was just picking & hoping I wouldn't notice. Later on, she just sat on her own at the table, eating cold food. Now at age 14 she will eat most things I cook, but still prefers them lukewarm or cold.
There is hope, I think ignoring and leaving safe food out for the taking (without you noticing), may help her to overcome her fears.
I would also ensure that all food that is in the house is safe for her the same as all family meals. Seeing you eat things and not getting ill is very important, she will eventually learn from you about safe foods.

Hi op the innocent kids smoothies apple and black currant are citrus free and you can normally pick up cheap ‘cup’ smoothie makers cheap especially when Lidl have them as a middle of Lidl offer

Yeah we have a nutribullet and make smoothies with frozen and other fruit plus juice.

I also hide lots of veg in tomato sauce for spag vol and chili. I grate courgette into pancakes and cakes. You get creative!

It's not your parenting, OP. I have 2 other kids who are fine with most food. It's just my eldest. He sometimes incorporates a new food but then drops others so the repertoire is not huge. He's asthmatic and gets ill more than the others but he's ok generally.

Tried smoothies (have an active bullet thing) flatly refused, too thick, doesn't like it.... Man that kid is stubborn!

I have tried to 'hide' veg in stuff, but when the only things she eats really are sausages and nuggets it's not easy!

She doesn't particularly like cakes so hiding stuff there isn't an option either.

I have photos and videos of her weaning and show her that she ate it, liked it and wasn't ill. We have talked about it, we discuss that a chicken breast is just a naked nugget which worked fine with my step kids when they went through the fussy stage but she says they don't taste the same ands will starve rather than eat.

My hv used to tell me that kids won't starve themselves. Well dd will. We tried the sit there till its gone, putting smaller amounts out for her, buffet tea so she can pick the amounts she wants, nothing helps.

She will eat a wrap smothered in ketchup, but out a chicken nugget in it (which she will eat alone) and she will flatly refuse to eat it.

We have tried putting the same food out at every meal, she went 2 days without eating a thing.

I don't let her have snacks often, she plays a lot, is very active, literally never sits still. Pings off every ceiling constantly so I pray that she has made herself hungry, but it's never enough for her to just eat or even try what is in front of her.

I celebrated tonight because we went to a fish & chip restaurant tonight and she ate some chips... Made a huge fuss if it with praise etc. Got some very odd looks! But it was such an achievement for her. However, if I took her again tomorrow I know she would probably refuse them.

Posting and running but this sounds like ARFID

therapy is the only “solution” so prepare to pay or seek camhs referral

I'm in my thirties with ARFID, I manage with a few more new foods than I did as a child and am generally healthy. I second what a pp said though and get private help, you may need to see a nutritionist and psychologist.

FWIW and I know the advice is to not make it a battle, I only started getting better with it when I was literally forced to eat or starve (abroad in a foreign country). It's opened up a world of opportunities for me. But my mind still says most things are poison and I'm very adverse to new food.

OP, my DD was very similar, she disliked so many different things, and her diet was very limited. She also seemed to live on nuggets, sausages and pasta! I agree with everything you said about not making it a battle, etc. One thing stood out though, you say that you gave her lots of praise when she ate some chips. My DD is now grown up, and can explain a bit more how she felt, and says that she hated any fuss about food, especially praise when she ate something. Perhaps your DD feels the same.

My DD is still fussy with food, and I think she probably always will be. She eats better than she did as a child, but still won’t eat any fruit apart from apples. She will eat a few types of vegetables, but not many. For her it’s more texture than taste that is the problem with food, but she is aware that nutrition is important, and tries to eat healthily as much as she can.

Off to Google ARFID to see. We are under a specialist children hospital for her other issues and because she is on a chemo drug they keep a very close eye so hopefully we can access support via that route.

@carribeanescape I hadn't thought of it that way, she is very articulate for 6 so. I will try and have a conversation with her about praise etc.

She associated a lot of foods with making her sick because she would often cough after a meal and then be sick. It took a hell of an argument with my gp to have her diagnosed as asthmatic (she was 3 at diagnosis and they refuse to diagnose under 5 locally). Once we got her asthma controlled she stopped being sick, but it was too late.

Then for medical reasons her diet was restricted to test for allergies/sensitivity to foods and thus the cycle continues.

Her dad and I finally split last November after 2 years of coasting and ultimatums to improve things or we would split. We have had a rough year, moved her out of her home (still there 50% with dad), tore her world apart etc, so I think both her dad and I are also guilty of indulging the behaviour as she had enough to deal with. Her attitude through it all was appalling, she hated me for splitting up her family, was lashing out etc so battling her over food wasn't a priority.

We are much more settled now. I have bought a house, things with her dad are easier. Him and I are visibly getting on well. We are sort of finding our way back to friendship (we split because we had become friends who cohabited and shared a kid, all amicable to a point). It is having a positive impact on her because her whole attitude has altered. She has stopped lashing out and is settled. She loves being home with me, is thriving with school etc so I really want to take this positive time to help her develop her food choices.

Have had a brief look at the ARFID info, will certainly look into it a bit more but a lot of it doesn't fit with dd. There is an element of it that rings true, but for the most part I do think it is more just a stubborn extreme fussy thing.

However, breakthrough at school today... She ate veggie sausages and rice apparently.

Have also had success with the apple and blackcurrant smoothies recommended. Previously she has flatly refused, but tonight she has downed 2 of them with her fake-Donald's so huge thanks! Need to see if aldi do a similar one cos them are mega bucks in tesco though

I had one of these and yes, a child WILL starve themselves despite what your GP/HV/random people on the internet say.
We just totally chilled out ( eventually) and made sure that DD had mulitvits every day. I also used to put all the food on the table in bowls and she could help herself, she didn’t have to put anything on her plate but if she did she had to eat it.
It was a long hard slog but she’s 14 now and eats pretty well, she is a vegetarian but that’s not a problem at all
Good luck, it’s a basic thing to want to feed our children well and it’s really hard when you can’t

What chemo drug is she on?
Some can make food taste wierd and affect appetite.

Hoppinggreen... Ohh I hadn't thought of tackling it like that... I may try although I am fairly certain she would just refuse to out anything on her plate!

My step kids (dd's sister and brother... Still my step kids even though their dad and I aren't together) we're appalling eaters when ex and I first got together. Mind mil would pander and just cook endless food until they ate. I stopped that and put firm rules in place, must try new things, doesn't matter if they don't like it but no rude comments/spitting it out/vomit noises etc. Logically discussion ie a chicken breast is a big naked nugget, gammon is a thicker slice of ham like in your school sarnies, mash is just the inside of a chip, pasta is essential bread made a different way... Toon a year or so but they soon got used to it and now will try anything and everything. The priest @ a family christening was howling at dss and the 4th round of goa'n curry... His mum was less impressed when her and her dp realised their curry nights were no longer sacred🤣

Hazey she is on methotrexate, but the food issues long predate the chemo treatment. My understanding is that the liquid version can cause issues with taste but it is rare when taken as a tablet. She is on the tablets as the liquid made her feel sick and out her off food altogether.

We found it did work for us because it was giving Dd control over what she ate.
She also started like your dc with coughing and choking on food due to undiagnosed asthma but unfortunately we took incorrect advice and encouraged her too strongly to eat. DH in particular took a strong line, pushed by mil as he had always had to clear his plate - his sister developed an ED, wonder why? Eventually he did agree with me and we both took a more relaxed approach and didn’t praise or criticise, we tried to make food just something you use to fuel up on so you can do other things, this was very counter intuitive for us as we are both “foodies”. By allowing Dd choices (within reason) and just taking a huge step back it did seem to resolve itself in time.
Also, throwing away the normal rule book - so she likes to eat peas one at a time, who cares? She will only eat raw not cooked carrots,So what?
She won’t eat food that touched other food, ok fine! It seems to me that too often we are expected to eat in a very prescribed way - meat with 2 types of veg or sauce ON the pasta not next to it, children all like chips, etc etc but as long as your child has as healthy a diet as possible then who cares?

One of my DC has a very restricted diet (ASD) with food aversions and very rigid rituals around the few foods that are eaten.

Advice from the dietician has been:

• cup of milk and a good multivitamin every day

• don't make a fuss of food. No pressure to eat, no bargaining, no pleading, no bribing. Food is food. Do not use it as a reward or offer rewards for eating it. Do not use it as a punishment or give it punishments for not eating (e.g., offering last nights dinner for breakfast or not allowing them down from the table until a certain percentage has been eaten)

• for all meals, put out the food and then at the end of the meal (allow approx 30 mins) remove it without making a fuss about how much has or hasn't been eaten. The main meal of the day should be two courses (e.g., main followed by fruit or yoghurt) and the second course is given regardless of whether or not the first was eaten

• every meal should contain a minimum of two "safe" foods that the child will definitely eat. If they won't tolerate new foods on their own plate, put them on a separate plate. Offering what you know they will eat means they are eating something rather than nothing.

• involve the child in choosing, preparing, and cooking meals as much as possible with no expectation that they will eat it. DS will happily help me make omelettes, he won't touch one with a barge pole and won't even sit at the table while the rest of us eat ours but being in the kitchen handling the ingredients, helping chop it, having s giggle together all helps build up positive associations around food which will one day hopefully extend to eating it

• do not ever hide food or lie about the content of food. Tomato sauce should be tomato sauce. A beef burger should be beef. A chicken nugget should be chicken. The child needs to trust that the food they are being given is what you say it is because if you give them reason to mistrust what is on their plate then it further damages their relationship with food and their diet could become more restrictive as a result

I know it's hard, OP, it's so frustrating when you have a child who won't eat but taking a step back and being as chilled as possible really helps make mealtimes less fraught. I would ask for a referral to a dietician for the nutritional side of things and also to occupational therapy who will be able to make suggestions around the mechanics of eating.