Very Stubborn 18m son

[Minaadris]

I have a 18 month old son and lord is he a stubborn one. He gives me anxiety at times I'm suprised I'm not depressed.

I'm a stay at home mum and so I deal with my son 24 7. His daily activities Include trying to take the trash out from the bin. Going into my pots and pan draws and taking them all out, scattering them everywhere. Going to the toilet and messing around with water and the toilet seat 😩😩😩😩😩 when I tell him "no" he will carry on despite me calling out his name and telling him to stop.

I'll then have to take him out the toilet or stop him from doing whatever hes doing then hell run back and do it again when I'm not looking. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Its tiring and I want to know how to get him to listen to me. He wont listen to me at all but is more afraid of his father.

Also I've been dealing with verbal abuse from my DH everytime we argue and he does and says things in front of him.

Does that affect my son and how he perceives me. Is that why he wont listen to me.

Hes become so very stubborn. And maybe I feel like I'm failing as a mother.

Hi, I think we have the same child. No advice on the toddler wrangling but watching with interest.

I think you need to leave you husband though if you're being abused in front of your child. Also - it doesn't sound as if being a SAHP is making you happy right now - could you return to work?

It’s not a positive thing that he’s afraid of his father. That’s not something you should be aiming for in your interactions with your son.
I do sympathise, my 15 month old is almost exactly the same. Gentle redirection is the only thing that has worked with him (and ensuring that doors to rooms like the toilet remain shut/child proofed). I also pick my battles - re organising the pot drawer is one of his favourite pass times, it doesn’t hurt anyone, so I let him go.

Of course an 18 month old doesn’t listen to you.

Most people childproof their house. You can get latches so he can’t open your cupboard doors.

If you close the bathroom door he probably can’t open it.

So firstly you make it hard for him to be able to do the things you don’t want him to do, then secondly you need to distract him with something more fun. If you remove him from the bathroom you then need to get him engaged with doing something else.

18 month olds are babies, they’re not deliberately disobeying you, they just don’t think like a older child.

And I agree with the previous poster, you need to stop your DH abusing you.

Put locks on and move out the way the things you don't want the baby to touch so you can Stop saying no all the time. It will make your life much easier.

Sounds like a normal 18m old. Take him out to the park etc for a good run around every morning to tire him out. Then after nap you may be able to do more quiet house based activities together.

Also stop thinking of him as "stubborn". He's curious about the world and wants to explore. He's also starting to be more independent, think for himself and problem solve. All skills and abilities you would want to encourage him to develop. Getting him involved "helping" with housework is a good way to direct his curiousity at home.

Agree with above posters, childproof everywhere. I used to have one small kitchen cupboard with plastic containers in that my ds was allowed to go in. He would empty it every single day.

When you say "no" you may have to physically intervene at the same time, such as taking an item away or guiding him away from area you don't want him in. Also, lots of mental and physical stimulation.

DH abuse is not OK

Learn about child development and gain a better understanding of what you can expect from your child at different stages. There are copious resources online to help you.

He's completely normal. He doesn't have the capacity yet to behave in the way you would like him to. Moreover, his curiosity is actually conducive to him developing this capacity in the future, and should be supported wherever possible.

If he's interested in the toilet water, just repeat that it's dirty and physically move him away from it and towards a more suitable water play activity. Playing with the pots and pans is a great occupation to keep him happy and in eye-sight while you're cooking. If you don't want him to go in all of the cupboards, install door locks to all but one, and fill that one with stuff he's allowed to play with. It's really up to you to make the environment appropriate for him at this stage; not for him to be made appropriate for the environment.

Your husband's abusive behaviour is likely to have a serious detrimental impact on your son's wellbeing going forward. The fact that he is 'afraid' of his father is extremely sad and completely unfair to him. It isn't the reason your son isn't 'listening' right now, but, if you remain together, you shouldn't be surprised if he develops serious emotional and behaviourial problems in the future because of it.

Why can he get into the bathroom? Why can he get into the cupboards? Both easily remedied. Encourage his creativity - can you make a water kitchen in your garden with a few of your pots and pans and some old paintbrushes, plastic bowls etc? Keeps mine entertained for hours. Mud kitchens are good too. Put some warm clothes on and a big waterproof apron. Or fill your pans with dry pasta and let him play on the kitchen floor? Just requires a quick sweep up afterwards.

Plus with boys, a bit like puppies, they need a big long walk every day! I take my boy out 9am-11am everyday, lunch at 1130, nap at 12, then play in house in the afternoon.

Agree with PP, that's what 18mo are like. I found it easiest just to give into my DS' interests! Wants to play with pots & pans, let him. Wants to play with water? Let him (in a safe, non soaking way). Wants to empty drawers & cupboards? Give him ones he can empty.

We usually go out twice a day so he can run off steam and get some fresh air.

Gates. Gates everywhere. I have a gate to my kitchen, a gate at the bottom of the stairs, a gate on the landing that blocks access to the bathroom. Child proof as much as possibly and you can relax.. Relatively..

I'm afraid this is completely typical toddler behaviour. Parenting isn't as easy as being consistent with what you expect them to do. Toddlerhood is about baby proofing as much as possible and trying to keep them alive.

You spend the first year looking forward to them walking because you think it will be easier on your back and you can go on sweet little educational walks hand in hand, and they can walk to the car and round the shops etc.... Then it's a sharp shock when you realise walking doesn't mean they will go where you wish and it's easier to pick up a non walking toddler than one who kicks and fights to get down, one who runs away into roads. Once they walk they level up to an uncontrollable beast.

Then you spend the next year willing them to talk because once they can talk you can reason with them and they will understand why they can't so something and you can have cute educational conversations. I'm afraid this doesn't happen either. With talking doesn't come comprehension or any reasonable comprehension or intelligible conversation whatsoever.

Good luck OP.