Sharing my lunch with hungry kids ??

[Wwydplz]

Hi all,

So there is a mum that I recently got to know. I signed up my dd to a childminder few weeks ago and there is this mum that has two in there and we end up meeting on the bus often and sometimes go home together. She has her hands full with two. The childminder is Few hours and only
Offer fruits and snacks and so I usually pack dds lunch box and eat after we finish and we go elsewhere like shopping and so on and it’s a long journey.

I give dd snacks and while on bus might feed her a sandwich. But it’s mainly just healthy snacks and fruits she munches in her pram. Until I reach a place I can feed her. And water. It’s an hour journey from the other mums house..

The other mum, has nothing for her kids, not even water. Often times they snatch the water bottle from my child and drink from it and I’m shy to say no. The seem starving and snatch the snacks of my dd.. I end up offering them parts of the snacks but they keep taking and taking and because they seem starving I have no idea how to stop them. Their mum attempts to stop them from taking the snacks but I don’t find it reasonable of her as her kids are obviously thirsty and hungry.. they search through my pram for food and I’m not sure how to tell them no as it feels horrible.. I put the snacks away but dd doesn’t sit in the pram without her snacks or fruits and obviously can’t prevent her from having water.

I’ve hinted aT the mum a couple of times how it’s important to keep snacks when you have little grazers. Gave her tips to prepare lunchbox night before or use last days dinner or something. But she seems to be getting used to the fact that I’m too shy to stop her kids from having our food because literally her two toddlers end up finishing most of the snack. She is embarsssed about it but not really doing much..

It is not that I’m bothered about the snack, but it does take me a while to prepare carefully a lunchbox for me and my son because I usuallt like to continue my dad shopping and don’t want to be buying things.

The mum is not a CF but seems like she isn’t managing.

I asked DH if he thinks I should pack extra snacks for her Kids but he thinks I’m enabling her. Also I honestly just about manage to dash out of the house and do what I need to do for dd.

I feel sad for the kids. It does ruin my journey. I don’t know how to handle the situation. Am I being stingy?

I honestly wouldn’t mind sharing but I do mind how they’re completely relying on our lunchbox.

(I changed some details for the sake of not being recognised)

Your OP is slightly confusing. You say you take your DD to the childminders and then when you get the bus home, your DD is having snacks?

Have you two DDs? You later mention a DS?

I'm shocked the other mum isn't stopping her kids from magpie-ing your snacks. Who even lets this happen?! Seriously OP, you're going to have to be the one to have a quiet word with her or maybe txt her the morning of your meetings saying "Got the kiddo's snacks ready yet?"

Put the food in a small backpack on your back so the kids can’t take it and feed your DD away from them. I agree with your DP - you really shouldn’t be enabling her. Also, they’re kids - they have bottomless pits for stomachs and are probably only scoffing your dd’s food because you let them.

Sorry, but I wouldn't be standing for this. Most likely her kids get fed when they get home, which yeah, might mean they're hungry on the journey, but by no means indicates neglect.

Unless you have any serious cause for concern about her kids, focus on yours. Don't let another child take a snack off your child. Take it back! Or tell their mother what's going on.

You pack snacks for YOUR children, as their mother. It is up to the other mother what to feed her kids and when, but that should not mean that your kids get their food taken off them. You don't say how old these kids are, but they need to learn not to take things from somebody else.

If I was their mother I would be mortified, and would be trying to stop them ASAP.

Do you think there’s a genuine problem with the other mother not being able to afford to feed her kids? If so, I’d pick extra (if I could afford to).

If you think she’s just being a CF and relying on you to feed her kids after the childminder, then I’d be more direct with her. E.g. “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to keep feeding your children and my daughter is going without as your children take all her snack. I’m afraid they won’t be able to share her snack from now on - you need to pack food for them when you pick them up”. Then just say no to the kids when they come looking - “This is X’s snack; you need to ask your mummy for food if you’re hungry”.

Why not just wait for the next bus or don’t sit near them? Or I’d put your dd on a window seat and block any attempts for her kids to get near. Unless they are going to physically climb over you, in which case, put them back down on the floor and alert the driver.

She may be struggling, but that doesn’t excuse rudeness.

Definitely tell the other kids no and tell them "ask mummy if she has a snack for you" and "ask mummy if she has a drink for you". Put her on the spot! Not to be mean, but just to draw a line under the whole thing.

Obviously if you feel she can't afford snacks or water for her children, and you can, then it would be nice to share. But not if she's just creating a new habit.

Put your snacks and drinks in your bag, don't sit near them. Don't feed snacks with lots of bits, do an apple or banana, put her water away when she's had a drink, tell the children no, ask mummy for a snack/drink, it's not hygienic to share.
She's being rude and you need to stand up for your child, you're setting her a bad example.

If you can't afford it, definitely take mindutopias advice. Sit away from them...don't sit next to them on the bus. If it can't be avoided, sit DD facing you and when a child reaches for her bottle, or snack, just put your hand in the way and say pleasantly "No, that's X's" Repeat, repeat repeat.

They're only doing it because nobody's stopping them.

I have to be honest...I NEVER carried snacks for my children either. They ate three meals a day and a snack or two at home.

If we were out and about, they'd eat in a cafe...if we had a journey, I'd entertain them with a book, toy or by looking out of the window etc.

There's a bad habit of keeping kids quiet with snacks imo.

Just seen that your DD is hungry after being at cm due to not much being offered there. I still think it would be better to wait until you're off the bus.

It does children no harm to wait for a while for a meal. None at all. A drink...fine. Keep hold of it yourself so the others cannot get at it.

But you really should not eat on the bus anyway...even toddlers can wait. It's messy.

Often times they snatch the water bottle from my child and drink from it and I’m shy to say no. The seem starving and snatch the snacks of my dd..

You need to speak up for your daughter. "Sorry X, that's for [DD]. Give it back now" - and take it from them if needed. One bus journey of wailing from them and their mum will magically remember to pack some sodding rice cakes.