So afraid - 9 week old only sleeps in sling

[StrawberryBlonde81]

Hello everyone,

first of all please bear with my English as it is not my first language.

I’m a first time mum to a son who is now 9 weeks old and really struggeling with the changes in my life. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant but life with a newborn is so hard. My mum died a year ago and my husband is working long hours. As we moved to a new city I feel so so lonely in our home. Sometimes I think I will never be happy again.

The sleep deprivation is not funny, but in the last two weeks DS sometimes managed a 4 hour stretch from 8 pm to 12 pm so I‘m hopeful he will be able to sleep longer stretches in the future.

In the evenings I swaddle him, feed him, put him down in his bed next to ours and sit with him (no pacifier, no touching etc.). In about 10 minutes he puts himself to sleep without any grizzling or even crying.

My problem is that I cannot get him to sleep any other than in the sling at daytime. He doesn‘t like to be put down in general and wails pretty quickly but absolutly will not sleep no matter what I try. If I‘m really lucky he will nap 30 minutes in his pram or after some screaming in the car.

When I try (even swaddled) to get him to sleep in his cot, in bed next to me or in his bouncer he gets agitated.

It may sound strange, but I really struggle with having him strapped to me for hours each day. First of all I can‘t sleep myself to make up for the night and more important I find it so hard to have no personal freedom.

Please don‘t laugh... but I‘m in tears most days while carrying him and thinking that I have to do this now for many many months to come. I feel like my sons prisoner.

Please help me. Is there any chance he will sleep on his own in the (not so distant) future? Are there any mums with some similar problems and positive outcomes?

No one is laughing!!! Mine was similar. She hated the car so I had to sit with her in the back. We worked out it was the going backwards thing as the moment she was in a forward facing seat the screaming stopped. She screamed in the pram until she fell asleep. That stopped the moment we sat her up a little and again, faced her forward at 10 or 11 weeks. Even when she was 3 and I was trying to get her to have a nap, I would have to take her for a drive and she nodded off within 5 minutes.

And then when I got to 4 weeks and my DH was away for 4 days, I was so sleep deprived I relented and gave her the dummy. I hated that dummy and it took me 3 years to get it off her.

Of a night, DH had to take her out in the pram for a walk many many nights to get her to sleep. And to let me sleep. Or he would swing her in the car capsule (he got well defined arms from that).

Oh, and she slept much much better of a night when we moved her from a thin mattressed crib to a thick mattress cot. But that took us 8 months to work out. Still woke up at 12 or 1 am and then again at 5 but stopped the endless fussing because she was more comfy. And to be honest a decade later, still has to have the softest of mattresses!!

Does he transfer from the pram to his bed well? Can you start with a pram and move him?

I have no solutions for you. Just letting you know that it might be trial and error for you to find what works for you. As long as he is safe and healthy. A message from someone now much further along, take care of YOU too. I left the sleep deprivation go on for too long. Organise a way that you can get catch up sleep even it means that you give him a bottle for a day each weekend and send him off with dad. (Mine was occasional bottle but mostly breast for 8 months. No guilt what so ever about mixed feeding, since much of the time it was breast milk in the bottle anyway. Sometimes not though) And you are not alone.

Well my 22-week old is napping in the sling right now... she is starting to do pram naps, though. I had a whole hour to myself yesterday as she snoozed in the pram. And as they get older they're awake more/asleep less and have more playtime, so you do get your body back a bit. Just hang on, it gets better.

I’m a second time Mum with a nearly 9 week old, who will only sleep on me during the day and night. Honestly sleep changes all the time in babies and it will get better and worse. It’s good for your baby’s brain development to be cuddled and no mother ever looks back and wished they had cuddled their baby less. Don’t panic and try and enjoy the present.

Is it your first baby? Honestly, they’re 9 weeks old. That’s tiny. 2 months ago they were inside you, they definitely want to sleep on you.

They are far too young for the sleep training of no touching etc to get them to sleep. Cuddle your baby. Honestly

Have you read about the 4th trimester?

Yes. I have heard about it. You think he is not ready to sleep alone during the day?

I have a six month old who is napping in the sling while i type this! The difference now is that I can get some stuff done while he’s in the sling (light cooking, tidying, phone calls, emails etc) so I’ve just accepted it.

He will sleep in the pram if being pushed, and sometimes I can feed him to sleep on me and then transfer him to the sofa (safely - he can’t fall off). But he won’t sleep in the cot in the daytime. I know lots of people with the same issue - it’s really difficult but you may just have to embrace it...

Ps what about your partner? At weekends DH does all the sling naps and i have a break. Could that work for you?

My first was like this. I used to get her to sleep by walking a bit with the sling and then sit on the sofa watching box sets with the sling on and a cup of tea

You think he is not ready to sleep alone during the day?
Nine weeks is so teeny tiny. He's barely been outside of you for long; the world is big and scary, bright and cold, and you're all warm and snuggly.

As a PP suggests, get DH to do all the weekend sling naps. We do this and he loves the bonding time, DD adores him, and I rejoice in the freedom.

It's really hard. It slowly gets easier. Don't be hard on yourself, I hated this stage with mine.

Mine was exactly the same minus the 4 hour stretch of sleep at night time. It’s very normal.

I know it’s incredibly hard and it feels never ending but this is just a phase. When you’re exhausted the weeks just crawl by but they change so quickly.

Have you found out about local mum and baby groups? Loneliness is a terrible thing and you feel like you’re the only one struggling. You need to spend time with other new mums to help you out everything into perspective. They will all have their own struggles, even those with miracle babies who sleep!

I don’t think he’s old enough to sleep alone at all, day or night. What he’s doing sounds completely normal, it really does.

I think this is a very usual problem with small babies - mine was the same.
It can be so overwhelming when baby needs so much contact, but it will get easier in time.

I second the advice to get your partner to do weekend sling naps. Are you also able to get some sleep when baby does 8-12 in his bed? It might not seem ideal to spend your evenings asleep instead of spending time with your partner, but it is temporary and you will get your evenings back soon.

Your English is perfect

Having a newborn is super hard, so it’s totally normal that you are finding it tough. The way your DS goes to bed sounds good, so take heart from that. I have a 3 month old (baby number 3) that also only naps in the sling even though he is ok in a cot at night. It is hard and he is sensitive to movement so I feel quite limited by what I can do and he prefers me to keep moving while he’s in it. But it does pass. My older kids both spent a lot of time in the sling until they were 4 months or so. I just kept trying for pram or cot naps every so often and eventually they became the norm. Some people love having their baby in the sling for months and months but I found it hard. But it will pass! Having people with similar age babies to chat to really helps so I would look for some local groups on Facebook or the like. It can make all the difference. A 9 week old is SO little, it will keep changing with improvements bit by bit. And I definitely had the view that do whatever keeps baby happy in the first few months as they are so small and change week by week, but it is hard as a mum as it often involves endless carrying and walking around.

My nine month old is sleeping in a sling as I type! But he also now sleeps in the buggy, in the carrier worn by DH, in the car, and in bed at night. Also I've mastered the sling transfer so can remove him from the sling once he's asleep.

Nine weeks is tiny and it's common for small babies to need bodily contact to sleep, and often most of the time when they're awake too. Most babies I know were only sleeping on their parents at that point, the next to me or cot came later. When we're going through a tough phase it helps me to remember that it's just that, sleep and other habits and routines change all the time. It will pass. It's crap not having an evening but for now prioritise sleeping while the baby sleeps and get DH to wear the sling when he's home.

Ps your English is great.