Reception child not listening - how common is this?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

DD1 is 4y 8mos. She has just started reception. For some time now, she has not been good at listening. She hears fine - there's no processing issue - she just chooses not to react.

Examples would be -

Morning, DD bouncing around on her bed. I say 'right here are your knickers, time to put them on'. DD continues bouncing, 'eek, I'm a kangaroo this morning!' Me: 'Fine, please put your knickers on, kangaroo!' DD continues to bounce: 'Look, I'm bouncing!' Me: 'Yes, I see, now put your knickers on !'

At this point, one of her siblings tries to murder the other or similar so I get distracted - come back 2 mins later - knickers still not on - me: 'DD!!! You need to put your knickers on. No, now please, now! You can't go downstairs and have your croissant till you do! I've asked you 5 times now! Now, please!'

Then she'll do it.

We frequently have interactions like this. It's mostly good-humoured on my part with silly jokes like 'have your ears fallen off?' etc but it's wearing and just occasionally dangerous, e.g. last weekend she gave her toddler sister a hug in the pool, didn't stop immediately when asked, and pulled DD2 under the water unintentionally (DD2 was absolutely fine and was under about 0.5 of a sec, to be clear).

DH thinks it is not developmentally normal; I think most 4yos are in the nicest possible way wee PITAs and we just need to persist.

What do you think?

I'm hoping it's normal as I have a similar DS. Constantly distracted by other things - the putting the pants on conversation is exactly the same in our house. He's just started reception too so I'm interested to see if this helps his focus. I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant so my sense of humour is slightly running out!

My DD at this age was so terrible at not listening that school suggested I take her for a hearing test.

Her hearing is fine, she just lived in her imagination and was distracted incredibly easily. She did grow out of it. Mostly. But god it was tedious while it lasted.

In one ear and out the other with ours. DS (now nearly 8) will say yes to e.g. putting his pants on but still not actually do it. I think it's ok to get distracted and do something else and he is happily playing away with no intention of actually putting his pants on!

Yesterday he woke himself up and came out of his room fully dressed all by himself. No nagging at all. I am still in shock. We went back to normal again this morning.

My 4yo does this (4.1). All I think is that the reception teacher/TA team must have the patience of saints...

Even if she acknowledges my instruction there is something crucially important her toys must do before she obeys!

Have you asked her teacher if she is like this at school? My nursery aged child is like this at home but not at school.

No advice but sympathy - my daughter is similar and it's driving me bonkers. I think they have zero concept of time scales and things needing to be done NOW.

I'm afraid my daughter is still the same age 6. Teacher seems to think she is normal.

My DS is the same age and has very selective hearing! He listens well in school but not at home! I think it's normal.

Mine can hear the slightest rustle of a crisp/chocolate packet or a TV theme tune from anywhere in the house - but instructions aren't interesting in the same way!

My DS is 4 at the end of the year and similar, especially when it comes to getting dressed.

I suspect he has additional needs though.

Being a kangaroo is much more important to her than getting dressed. Normal

I could have written this this morning. Not a kangaroo though, a dragon....
She behaves perfectly at school, uses her listening ears but with me it’s frequently me asking in a gradually louder tone.

Sounds totally normal to me.

I find it useful (sometimes) to get down on their level quite close and speak quietly. Can gently hold arms to get them to stay still if needed.

They can hear, and they understand, it's just that the instruction you are giving doesn't feel very important to them (or not as important or exciting as what they're already doing).

Nothing to worry about though, normal part of being a child.

My DS has just turned 5 and he is exactly the same! I've started telling him to switch his ears on when I'm asking him to do something, he'll grab his lobes and say "click click" It makes him laugh and he's getting the hang of using his ears, albeit rather slowly.

I have taught reception age children for a long time and selective hearing is very common. Most need instructions repeated ir choose to ignore them for an activity they prefer.
However is her receptive language ok, does she understand everything you are saying. At that age I found one clear instruction was enough for them to process. Put on your coat and hang up your bag sometimes got some confused. Is she actually listening the first time you say it, call her name get her to look at you then give the instruction , sometimes our voices are background noise.
Saying that I do all these with my 4yo and she is still dancing with the knickers on one leg after ten mins!

Entirely normal. If it's any help I hang full school uniform on the downstairs radiator and mine gets a sticker every morning if he's wearing it all by the time I come downstairs. I only occasionally have to mention how very nearly ready I am to go downstairs myself, no more "put your pants on" etc.

Doesn't listen to any other bloody words I ever say at all.

I've nearly posted a really similar thread myself! My DD1 is 4yrs8mo and she is driving me absolutely insane. Everything has to be repeated umpteen times, she never ever stops talking and she absolute always must do 'just 1 more thing' which turns into 10, right as I'm trying to get her ready. Argh!

I feel like the only thing that makes her listen is a threat of some description - no tablet, toy confiscated, early to bed etc which is a shame! Someone please come along and tell us when the hell they will grow out of this highly irritating behaviour!

I have to say my ds2 is still like this and he has just started secondary school!!!! Unfortunately it is priorities - his are sitting in his pants reading the newspaper and mine are getting to work on time! Hopefully he will grow out of it at some point. Ds1 and ds3 are much better. I bought a book called 'easier happier calmer parenting' which gave really useful tips on how to only give instructions once. If you have the energy and patience it really does work!

Totally normal and why children don't start school in lots of European countries until the age of 6

Wait until they’re 6. It does not get better for awhile!

I have a 7.6 year old dd who doesn't listen and has been the same since birth practically. Does better at school (yr3) as far as I know (not been told otherwise by teachers). It is hard going

Oh my goodness THANK YOU.
No question she understands - she is no genius but fairly verbally advanced.

I may try to easier happier parenting book but tbh, I have 18mo twins and I need to be at work on time so I am wary of spending time on techniques in case they backfire and take more time! May give it a whirl though.......

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff hi i know this is old thread but if you can relpy please do reply is she doing well at school now and if yes what have you done it would be helpful thank you

Oh hi, this just bumped in my active threads! This is years old, you know!

So DD1 is now 10 going on 11 and in Year 6. She is doing very well at school, not a genius but at or above expectations and doing particularly well in English and history. She does several sports and is a school ambassador and peer mediator, and also performs in an out of school drama group!

She still has selective hearing though 😆 however she is quite aware of it and deliberately focuses at school, and if she is worried about being late. But she can still be a pain about it!

What we do - mostly just firmly encourage her to FOCUS but also recognise that sometimes this is hard for her and pick our battles. We had her assessed for SEN and it was a no.