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Parenting

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Original poster

Two year old desperately in need of 1:1 time but I just don't know how...

8 replies

HalyardHitch · 25/09/2019 06:11

I have two boys. 2y8m and 1y8m. The 2 year old currently thrives on negative attention. He's a really tough cookie (as are all two year olds I'm sure). He's hyper, destructive, violent, etc.

We have a v busy lifestyle. I have the boys on my own 2 weekends a month and m-f midweek. The eldest goes to preschool three mornings and I also work evenings.

I think he needs some 1:1 time really badly. I'd love to take him to a gym class and/or swimming but I just can't see the wood through the trees.

We basically solo parent all the time and are rarely together to look after the boys. I just don't know what to do to help him and am feeling lost. I don't have much in the tank left to give but he needs more.

Anyone have any suggestions?

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conderellainyellakissedafella · 25/09/2019 07:12

No @HalyardHitch not all two year olds are violent , hyper or destructive. Mine certainly isn't

Take him to the park , library etc.
Be tough on time outs and firm 'no' to get the point across about good manners.

Original poster

HalyardHitch · 25/09/2019 07:19

I didn't mean that. He's really not great. I try my very best with him.

Can't really do libraries as he gets to over the top. Parks are fine but hard as the youngest is young and the eldest tries to kill himself at any available opportunity. Plus he's pretty clumsy. I do go to parks regularly though.

He does have medical issues which can impact behaviour but that's not that only issue. His brother isn't like it in the slightest. My eldest has always been like it - basically he's been tough since birth

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DCIRozHuntley · 25/09/2019 07:26

Could you afford a childminder for a couple of mornings a week for your younger one? Or could they each do a couple of days at preschool so they each get some 1:1? Does the youngest nap? Could you bake, have a bath together, playdoh during nap time?

Longer term, is there any way your partner cpuld look at moving to more family friendly hours? Or could you have an evening off each week to spend with DS1 and then DH? All day Monday to Friday plus EOW is a lot for your partner to WOH when you're working around one another. You must all be shattered

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AuntieStella · 25/09/2019 07:32

Can you find a babysitter for DS2, whilst you take DS1 out and run off some of that energy?

Or see if you can hire a local teenager to come out with you for an hour or two at the weekends, so they can occupy DS2 (under your supervision, until you are sure they are capable of sole charge for an 18mth old) whilst you do stuff with DS1 which interests him, gives you one-on-one, and stops him flinging himself about so recklessly

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/09/2019 07:35

Does your local pool have a creche for dc2? If so, a weekly swim would be nice.

Sunshine1235 · 25/09/2019 08:25

Do they go to bed at the same time? Could you stagger their bedtimes by half an hour or something and then spend half an hour reading or playing with the older one? I would think smaller than big plans like swimming or gym just think about how you can carve out a small predictable part of your day where you get to reconnect and he feels like it’s his special time

Sunshine1235 · 25/09/2019 08:34

I only say think smaller because I imagine if you could afford extra childcare you would have done that already?

Original poster

HalyardHitch · 25/09/2019 13:23

I did half write a reply but got distracted and have now lost the reply I started!

The creche is a bit of a dump. But I do think that sounds like a good idea regardless. Ds2 can't start preschool until January as he's too young but I think I will look into starting him then - I planned on april as personally I think only just 2 is too young.

Unfortunately our lifestyle wont be able to change for a while for various reasons. It just is what it is and we're making the best of our situation.

I might be able to carve out a Monday afternoon as my mil and fil visit. I could take ds1 out then - although for safety reasons we often dont leave them unattended with the boys.

In terms of thinking smaller - I don't really do bed times as I'm not around. He's just dropped his nap so if anything he wants to go to bed earlier than his younger brother. Although the youngest doesn't really nap on preschool days apart from in the car- so I lose out on that potential nap time to spend with him too.

So my plan - look into monday afternoons for ILs to have the youngest. (I start work at 2.30 on mondays so it would only be for an hour or so). Investigate a babysitter on alternate Saturdays for when dh is unavailable - failing that, I will look into the creche. Although I think that's only open mornings.

Thank you all so much

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