If you do no screens during the week

[LittleLostThing]

What the heck do you do after school?

I’m really trying to reduce the amount of screen time my dc’s (7 and 3) have but I’m genuinely finding it really hard.

My typical after school routine would be something like this

3.15 pick up and go to an after school activity
4.30 get home from activity and dc’s play on iPads while I cook tea
5.00 tea
5.30 iPads while I do a bit of house work, sort out lunches and bags for the next day
6.00 play a board game/ puzzles/ reading/ have a chat etc.
7.00 we play a game of mariokart
7.30 shower, reading, bed
3yo normally asleep by 8, 7yo has to turn his light off at 8.30

It’s so much easier in the summer when we can play in the garden or go to the beach in the evenings. I can already see their screen time creeping up and then I feel guilty if I let them play on them at weekends too. How do people do it? My 3yo is a handful to say the least and the only way I can get stuff done is to give him the iPad. He does do a lot of the CBeebies app which is vaguely educational but I feel so guilty about it.

What did you do at that age? I suggest they play with their toys, draw, read, craft, playdough etc

I have accepted a lost battle onscreen time.

Mine are older - 7, 13 and 15.

We get home at 5.30, then 7 year old does homework/chats while I cook tea. 13 year old does homework. 15 year old has iPad (SN, so no homework).

We eat, then homework gets finished off, then free time for 7 and 13 year old on screens (whatever form - iPad, tv, switch) until 7pm when 7 year old goes up for bedtime.

In your case, you have to accept that if you don’t want screen time, then you have to be engaging them in some way, so helping cook tea, helping with housework, etc. Does your 7 year old not have any homework to do? Spelling can be recited while you cook - I remember my middle dc doing this, and my youngest annoying her by joining in and learning them fast than she did . Likewise reading - 10 mins a day, done while you’re prepping tea. Or times tables. All tedious stuff, but it’s a time when it can be done, and it means no screens...

I think your timetable sounds fantastic! My DC are 12, 9 and 7. I used to worry so much that they spend too much time on electronic devices. I have given up! They are allowed screen time as their down time. All other games require my initiative - apart from playing in the garden, kicking a football around or jumping on the trampoline. I think times have changed and we have to adapt, within reason. Whenever we go on holiday, we leave all electronic devises at home (DH and I take our phones and they are sometimes allowed to play on them). Teaching them to be bored is also a life lesson but during a normal school week, I don't worry too much about an hour or so of video games or YouTube.

Ditch the guilt and embrace the peace and quiet when you need it.

My two are 5.5 and 8.5 and they are allowed 1hr a day on their ipads after school. I don't see how it's any different to when I used to get home from school and stick the telly on and veg out in front of it.

We get home around 3.45pm. Ipads go on roughly 4pm - 5pm then whilst I'm cooking dinner they either play together (imaginative play) or watch some tv or do homework.

5.30pm dinner. 6pm - 7pm we just chill and talk about our day, maybe play some games, music practice, bath etc 7pm - 8pm it's wind down to bed and lots of books (I still read to them both despite them being free readers). Lights out at 8pm. .

On the weekend they have 1hr on them in the morning whilst dh and I sleep in/have a cuppa in bed, and 1hr in the afternoon/eve.

If we come straight home after school, DD(5) usually crashes in front of the telly for half an hour or so whilst she has a snack. Then she does drawing, colouring, scrapbooking, plays schools, or plays with DS(1) for a bit. Sometimes she goes up to her room and reads for awhile.

Dinner at 5:30 and just chatting about the day etc. After dinner we have the Cbeebies bedtime hour on and sometimes they both sit and watch it, sometimes one of them does, sometimes it's just on in the background while they potter about. They both like different bits of it (DD likes Clangers and the story, DS likes ITNG) so we keep it on.

Then DS has milk, and either DH or I take him upstairs and put him to bed at 7:25 (teeth and story). DD stays downstairs for a bit longer with the other parent and then goes up about 7:50 for teeth. She reads one chapter on her own and then goes to bed.

In the colder months we have more screens, in the summer it's less. It balances out. Plus, some days we go to the library, some days we see DM, some days they have a bath before dinner.

Well we just play with whatever she wants to play with to be honest if we're not watching tele.

Or play outside, even when it's not summer!

With together or by herself when I'm doing something

We have no iPads during the week, although admittedly I work and 3 nights a week we aren't home until 5.30 ish plus various other activities. Mine are slightly older than yours but have always just played with toys in any free time. They like mainly role-play games but also do drawing/colouring/playdough etc. Not sure if this is more of a "girl" thing? Do your DC like lego/building blocks/cars/trains etc? Also, I do allow a bit of Netflix/CBeebies as I think at least there is a storyline to follow which is preferable to watching unboxing videos on Youtube.

Home at 5, if no activities.
If activities, then home by 7.
Ditto 7 if they're at a friend's house/friend is at our house.
Play with 9 kallax shelves of Lego/Playmobil, a million cars, cuddly toy picnic, the looroll-Amazon-box castle, the craft stuff... Etc etc etc until 8 when it's dinnertime, SpongeBob on TV until 9, then bed. (Wake up time is 8am).
He's 8yo.

Screens at the weekend.

DC are now 10 & 7 but have never had 'screen time' as a regular thing, no iPad/TV/phone/laptop/console - it's just not necessary IMO.

They are encouraged to entertain themselves while I get stuff done - so they read/play lego/do homework/play board games/make up theatre shows/play with their umpteen toys (well the younger DC, older DC doesn't do that so much anymore).

When they were your DCs ages they would generally play while I was getting food ready, and I had some toys in the kitchen for younger DC to play with while I was cooking. Or they would help with the cooking. Now they make their own tea.

I get that it must be hard to wean them off iPads if they've been used to them for ages but IMO they need to be learning social skills and imaginative play at that age not engrossed in a screen on their own. Plenty of time for that when they're teenagers (i'm aware I will lose the battle with dc1 on screen time soon) but while they are so little there are so many better things for them to be doing.

In terms of your timetable - it looks like they go to bed quite late, mine were always in bed asleep by 7pm latest at that age. DC2 still is mostly. Screen time before they go to bed is supposed to make it harder for them to go to sleep.

So could you perhaps take a first step of no iPads/screens after tea and start the bath/bed routine earlier. Maybe read stories together instead of playing mariokart. You can then do other chores after they're in bed.

Then once you've successfully cut out screens after tea you can also cut it out before tea by getting them involved in helping you cook/prepare if they won't play by themselves. I don't know what you cook in the evening but your oldest is old enough to help cut up/prepare vegetables, measure out ingredients, get ingredients out for you, make sandwiches, lay the table etc. Sometimes I send them to find the right herbs in the garden or vegetables in the cupboard etc. Your younger one can play with pretend food/kitchen stuff, but also start mixing things, pouring things, 'washing up' with plastic stuff, laying the table with plastic plates etc.

Good luck!

Does your 3 year old play by himself during the rest of the day? I’m no saint with screen time particularly when DD is over tired and just needs to sit for a bit but a month or so ago I noticed that DDs playing had reduced so I just started turning the TV off and while I’m doing things in the kitchen she’ll bring in toys to there to play with or where ever I am in the house. Admittedly it does mean things sometimes take longer as she wants to help with what I’m doing but I prefer it to being in front of a screen every night.
I would imagine with your 7 year old it should be been easier and you can just tell them to entertain themself.

We have a no screens rule during the week. I have a 5 and 7 year old. They get home after 3 then play with toys etc. We live in a compound overseas so then they either go swimming or go to do kids crafts from 4 - 5. I get home at 5 and do homework, have dinner etc. They gave a bath and are usually in bed around 6.30 as they get up early too.

My 3yo I s very bad at playing by himself. He normally has preschool 9-12, then we do swimming/ gymnastics/ zoo until pick up time. I think a lot of the problem is caused by daft house layout - long thin galleystyle kitchen which I can’t cook in if kids are in, then sitting room with games isa few rooms away. It seems unless I set them up with iPads in the sitting room, by the time I’m back in the kitchen they’re murdering each other, dc2 is trying to get dc1’s attention by pulling his Lego over/ climbing on him/ asking him what he’s doing incessantly etc. I totally admit I do it to give myself an easier life but I feel so guilty about it.

I think I’m going to try and be a bit more organised and set them up with some crafty stuff in the dining room while I cool. Then they’re just having the 30 mins a day and Mario Kart which seems a bit better.

This sounds fine to me. Yes you could set them up with craft stuff but only if it's not going to cause loads more work in setting up, thinking of, tidying, looking at completed projects etc. For 30 mins consider what it's costing you as well.

Do they never just play with each other or do their own thing but not on screens? That's what I'd have thought siblings would want some time for. But mine are very far apart in age so I don't know.

Mine play outside, draw, play with toys but if they want to pick up their iPad they can. Dd is actually on hers at the moment while we wait to pick her sister up from brownies as she's been off school today ill so I wouldn't let her play out. It's rare though as they tend to forget about them in the week. I'd never forbid it though, I remember as a kid craving the things I couldn't have then becoming more obsessive over it when I could (DP massively limited tv, sweets etc)

They do play nicely together when I’m supervising and getting involved. I can set them up playing football in the garden or something and as soon as I stop being directly involved they’ll start arguing or fighting. Individually they play on their own brilliantly, most afternoons when I have dc2 he’ll happily play with his brio or something and dc1 would just read indefinitely if he was left to it. As soon as they’re together in the same room without an adult though they’re just at each other’s throats. They can be such good mates when they’ve got an adult making sure everything is fair and they’re both getting a turn etc. I’m hoping it’s just a phase.

Hopefully it is just a phase as sounds stressful! My boys are 5 and 8 and what I've found helped is playing more of a facilitator role then leaving them to it. If they start arguing and coming to me I'd say "how are YOU going to sort YOUR problem out?" And encourage them to talk to each other and compromise. I guess a 3 year old is to young now, but might not be a bad idea to start trying so they become less reliant on you to sort out every little disagreement they have.

That's not to say my two don't have their moments, and once a week or so (usually when they're very tired and taking their frustrations out on each other) I have to tell them to go to separate rooms as their incessant bickering and crying is driving me mad!

I often watch tv in the evening as I like to just switch off and relax , and I assume my dc are the same so I really dont see the harm in screen time after school. Mine have an hour of screen time after school (sometimes more while I cook dinner) then I find after dinner they usually have a bit more energy and are less grumpy and can play together outside, or with their toys indoors.

@rosybell ditto

I also don't see the harm in the amount of screen time your dc have.
My dc since starting secondary school have so much homework there is simply no time for screens during the week anymore.
So the problem may just disappear!