End of my tether

[Melyn]

My 2 year old is non-stop playing up, when we go to restaurants he'll kick off from the moment the waitress comes to ask us what we want to eat until dinner arrives, I have people looking at me with disgust and it breaks me. I don't ever want to eat out with him. He has tantrums in shops when I'm walking around, it'll come from nowhere and again people will look at me with disgust and make sly comments. He constantly talks back to me when I asked him to do something and says "No" to me ALL the time, I can't even look at him without him screaming "NOOOO!!!" in my face. And his behaviour at home is exhausting, ALL day every day is a battle and I'm so sick of it. I'm open to any and all suggestions on how to correct the behaviour because I'm at my wits end and I can't cope anymore, I wanted more children but he's actually put me off from having any more..
Thanks.

They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing! It will get better, hang on in there

Read the book 'Taming the toddler'. It should help.

It's hard, really hard, ds is 3, but can you change your habits just for a bit? Don't go to restaurants if it's too tricky, don't wander round shops if you don't have to?

Don't make life harder than it needs to be, it will get better. We've found that obviously were happy if ds is happy, there's no point in putting us all through something like a meal out if it's just going to be awful, it makes you feel worse. Everyone has a much better time at the park, jumping in puddles with a takeaway coffee for the parents.

I have a model 3 year old who hardly ever causes me any trouble and he's easy to calm if he does get a bit upset. An absolute joy and my little side kick.

In comparison my eldest was an absolute nightmare from the minute he was born. So strong willed and basically a lunatic in any social situation which was so exhausting.
I avoided all social situations completely unless I had someone with me but in the end I just embraced the crazy and let it run its course.
He's lovely now, still a bit crazy but those toddler years definitely put me off more children!

No practical advice really but wanted to say it does pass eventually and subsequent children can have very different personalities.

Best advice I can give- wear him out. Take him to a park hail rain or shine and walk and walk with that kid. Playgroups, swimming, walking,walking,walking. Literally any burning energy activity you can think of.
I had to go shopping the other day so we went soft play beforehand for three hours. Gave them a snack and they were to tired to move from the pushchair. There's been days I've just walked them round the block a couple of times (they love it and like to talk about the random things they see and pick up a few twigs or dried leaves). Some days we can go really far, some days they're so engrossed by blowing dandelions we don't end up far from home.

My routine is do something that's at least mildly entertaining for them in the morning (like I said previously park, playgroups,swimming,walk) and where they have my full attention and we talk about things and play together and then I don't feel bad just putting CBeebies on for a bit while I have a cup of tea or a bit of a mental break.

Mines like that at the moment and has been for a while and I did get into a cycle of him being difficult and me constantly saying no and generally being negative. as a result he goes to preschool 2 mornings a week, I only pick child friendly activities to do and only attempt them at times of the day when he’s not tired, I’ve given up on eating and shopping.
I plan the day with activities (painting, sand pit, CBeebies, a walk, visit the park, food, nap) and if I know what the next activity will be I remain in control and can diffuse the tantrums. I also put half of the toys away so I can bring something fresh out because bored toddlers are very hard work.

Ah this is sad to read. It sounds like you need a break and a reset. Can you get a couple of hours respite? I found my toddlers needed to go out to burn off energy almost every day. Supermarket was tackled by distraction. Lots of fiddly snack like raisins or crisps to keep them busy. Or shop online.
Mine started shouting 'no more shops mummy's when I took them to the mall once.
Distraction and trying to make things into a game works. Try reading "how to talk so little kids will listen".

2 year olds are exhausting, but before you know it he'll be a teenager and will want to stay in bed until lunchtime! In the meantime, I suggest lots of outside space where he can run around and use up his energy and avoid shops and restaurants for a while!

My ds was a little terror when he was 2. We didn't go out for meals or to shops for a good while. I agree with tiring him out with running about where he doesn't have to be restrained. This too shall pass OP, even if it feels relentless right now.

I do try to tire him out but I get tired before he does (I have anemia and a vitamin B12 deficiency so I'm always tired), I don't get much help either from dh or family as my family are 3 hours away and dh's family just aren't bothered about giving me a break and taking him off me for a couple of hours.. I take him to playgroup twice a week and we go walking some days, I'll try to take him out more to the park and definitely avoid restaurants and shops for a little while. Thanks for the advice everyone. :)

I recommend the @Babyfg approach. Kept me sane, anyway.