Failing miserably at parenting

[Marsis]

My DD and DS are 5 and 2 and I’m finding it so hard at the minute and as a result I’m being a terrible parent to them.

DD has always been tough she seems to be on another planet most of the time. You can have a whole conversation and she won’t take anything in. Anything that happens She always blames DS repeatedly she told if he is doing something she needs to get a grown up usually the result is somebody getting hurt, massive mess, broken toys. Huge tantrums over minor things. Appears to understand something but 5 minutes later it’s gone. She talks constantly asks similar questions over and over commentates her play quite often it’s just nonsense jabbering at volume.

DS quite typical toddler but hits and bites when he doesn’t get what he wants.

I feel exhausted by it all and know they deserve better than me. I Want us to enjoy our time together but it feels like everything I do is not enough it will result in tantrums, tears and misery.

What is normal for age 5 am I expecting too much? It’s almosr like everything irritates me and I’m counting down the seconds until bedtime. What can I start with changing to be better?

You should speak to your dd's school, do they have any concerns about her development?

We have parents evening in a couple of weeks I will give it until then as I don’t feel like the teacher will have got to know her yet. In reception I raised it they ‘could see where I was coming from’ but thought she was getting better. TBH honest I don’t think they really got to know her she almost tunes out so she her lack of attention could be missed in a YR class, in the back of my mind Y1 was when I thought it would become more apparent at school so will wait and see.

Some of her more difficult behaviour is saved for home, over the summer she was cared for by family and they commented how her behaviour switched when me/OH collected her so I think she may mask to a certain extent making it more difficult to describe just how exhausting and difficult I find it. I wish I didn’t, I wish I could be one of those parents with endless patience and compassion.
I can’t find details of parenting courses in the area as even that may help me to be better.

I feel your pain, and sorry to tell you but it sound as though your DD may have some issues. I would suggest talking to HV or GP. My daughter has been diagnosed ASD and is very similar, constantly talking to herself, very loud, tunes out all the time and seems in her own bubble, little things are big issues, but at the moment (she has just started foundation) things are ok. We have always used a lot of prompting, routines, visual aids and all have helped. Telling off rarely works, rather than saying what has been done wrong, model the right way or suggest a different approach, and never over explain or elaborate, just stick to basic simple instructions. For example asking my daughter to tidy up will be the end of the world, but if I give her a specific job, such as put the bricks in the bag, I'm more likely to get somewhere, although often I have to make it a game as well. I could be wrong, in which case, don't beat yourself up, we all have bad days. Being a parent is the hardest job there is, but I'm sure you are doing a great job! PM me if you want to xx

Please don't beat yourself up. Parenting is hard.
Sounds like you could do with a break and some support. School may be a good starting point.
I have a four year old DS who was driving me up the wall as he was just running rings around me. There's been so many times when I just wanted to shout at him to please do as he was asked. I'd sworn I wouldn't be that shouty mum, I underestimated the staying power of small people. 😂
I have recently started reading 'how to talk so little kids will listen'. It challenges the way we speak to children. It takes some practice, but I've not felt the urge to shout and he does what we want him to without drama. Not sure it will help, but might be worth a try.
Hope you find some help. You are definitely not a bad parent. The fact you are looking for help shows that you care.

Sounds like it could be ADHD. Have you considered getting her assessed? It's still often missed in girls. I hope you get into a better place with them soon and try to remember it's not forever. Even though it feels like it sometimes.

As long as you are trying your best, you are not a bad parent at all! Theyre all bloody difficult! I used to beat myself up, thinking I was an awful parent! Now Im proud if myself every night when I put the 3 year old to bed still alive!! Kids are sent to test us, and I swear anyone who says its easy is either lying or has wayy more help than the rest of us!!
My nearly 5 year old has ASD and Sensory Processing Disorder - its always a good idea to get any concerns looked into!
Smile! They have to leave home eventually :D lmao xx

Thanks everyone, I might book a GP appointment to see them on my own. and see what they say. I worry about wasting their time.

I have read ‘how to talk’ and try some of the techniques with limited success, I will revisit and try again thanks for the reminders.