I'm not ok mentally, what's even wrong?

[jessandbailey]

So my baby is 1 tomorrow and I love her so much..... while I was pregnant I constantly cried because I knew that this would change me whole world!

Before my little girl I was super independent, I'd go stay at friends houses and party a lot but still worked full time while living with my fiancé

Now I have no friends, and past family traumas come into my head, how could they treat me that way? Iv could NEVER do that to my little girl!

When I drink now I'm angry and upset not to mention not caring about myself or what I'm doing and when I'm sober I'm just numb and lonely and bitter about how my friends and family have been to me..... I'm so low right now and so scared and just keep constantly crying

Tomorrow should be a lovely day but I just have nothing left inside right now! WHATS WRONG WITH ME ?

Happy birthday to LO.

I think you need to have a chat with your GP or HV regarding support. You should be open about how you feel when you've had a drink too as it sounds like this might be an issue for you. Enjoy today but please call for an appointment tomorrow.

Hey this sounds pretty normal. You will find during your child’s life that you will remember traumas that happened to you at her the age she is.
She won’t remember her first birthday luckily, maybe at Christmas you will feel better and that can be a big happy celebration then?
Please consider reducing the amount you drink, for her sake and yours. It sounds like you want to be a better parent than your parents, and the drinking will prob just make you feel guilty afterwards?
Do any of your friends have kids? Most of us lose touch with friends after the baby comes, especially if they don’t understand what your life is like. You could make a new friend who has children, maybe go to a toddler group. But now your baby is one I promise it will get easier to leave her and you might enjoy having some fun with old friends soon x

Thankyou all so much for the reply! Yes I'm off to the doctors tomorrow if I can get an appointment!

Well I have to stop drinking for my relationship and for my issues to not bubble
Over once I drink, no all my friends are single and work hard and play hard.... I just have to accept they don't care and I shouldn't either!

I have had a lot of trauma in my life op. And although I longed to be a mum, when I first became one it took a long time for me to adjust and to settle into it. It all felt very surreal to be honest. I had my 2nd very soon after my 1st as well which was even more of a shock to my system. My 1st two dc are infant school age now and I also have a toddler, and I finally feel OK. I do have anxiety but not so bad, and I do still do the thing you're talking about where you go over things in your head and examine it all and try to make sense of it, but I do it less. I don't drink, but I find when I'm stressed I will wake in the night and my mind will work overtime.
I think you should talk to your gp about how you're feeling and possibly ask for cbt?

Happy birthday for tomorrow for your little girl, I hope you all have a lovely day, enjoy every second op, they grow so fast

I did go to the doctors and I faced her and told her exactly how I was feeling! She has put me on some anxiety tablets and she gave me a number to start up counselling

I have made a start but the gp said it's going to get worse before it gets better my fiancé is just worried that I'll depend on them but hopefully over time I'll just cut back

I can't tell you how good it's been to get reply's in here from everyone, especially not knowing where to turn or having to wait till the sun comes up to call the doctors xxx

Tell your fiance that it doesn't matter how long you need them for. If they work, that's the important thing. Trauma based therapy may be helpful for you.

Hey, it sounds difficult for you. You're on a big adventure with your LO and from now on, you're on the up. You, your fiance and your little girl can do it! Try not to burn bridges with old friends, but set them aside for now and get yourself to sone baby groups or start talking to new parents at nursery. You'll get new friends soon! Hang on in there. You can do it!

good luck!

I agree with Mabel . It doesn't matter how long you need them. Follow your DP's advice and not your fiance's concerns on this.
Well done on going to the GP, getting medication and referred for counselling. You've taken some important steps in just a few days.
Try to find a nice playgroup or mother and baby group too. Getting out of the house and mixing with other mums is a massive help

What do you think about the medication? Do you feel keen to take it? You don’t have to act immediately on your doctors advice, you don’t have to go along with your fiancé either.

Have you asked the doctor what the plan would be to come off them once on them, how easy it is to get repeat prescriptions etc.. have you googled or checked the instructions to see if they are addictive etc.. might help you make a decision you feel happy about.

Medication is a very personal thing imo.. don’t worry too much about google scare stories btw, just informative stuff.. and well done xxx

Other things that help me get rid of anxiety included yoga, guided meditation, walking, reading, napping!!!!! Oh and only seeing nice people.

Hey guys it's day 4 on my antidepressant/anxiety tablets and I have felt a lot better! I just feel so much more at peace with myself right now

Not really any side effects but I did still wake up with anxiety but my body didn't react to my thoughts, if that makes sense.... I do however keep getting odd pupils 👀

Glad you are feeling better @tinkiewinkiewoo