My little girl is "different"

[Hugsgalore]

My little girl is a bit different. She's a lovely girl but is very direct. She's being assessed for autism and if she is diagnosed she would be considered to be high functioning.

We've recently moved and she's desperate for friends. There's a girl who lives near us is probably a year older than my dd. I'd say she's 6 my dd is 5. My girl has approached her to try play but 3 times now she's been told to "go away". I get that not every one is going to get along but I've seen it happen so often now... other kids looking at her likes she's weird or telling her to leave them alone. It's breaking my heart. I keep trying to steer her away from the kids who reject her but she just doesn't understand.

We have only started to make friends in school but none live on our road. So I'm hoping to start setting up some play dates soon.

It's making me sad to think she's going to have this a lot in life and I don't know how to make it better for her.

You are already making it better for her by gently being active in sorting out play dates. DS2 has HFA and he had no friends in primary. But I know other children with similar diagnoses who were very popular. Now he's late teens he has a lovely friendship group and his social life is really well-balanced. I used to be sick with worry for him, for years but he's happy now. He's worked hard at social skills and it's paid off for him.

You could get some books on social skills for autistic children - they'll be useful whether or not she has autism, if she's struggling. Teach her how to be less direct, and how to check for signs that a person wants or doesn't want to be interrupted or invited to play. Don't be put off by one snub. That could happen to anyone.

I know it breaks your heart seeing it, but she does not see it by the sounds of it. Many autistic people go through this not aware that they are being rejected. Especially unaware that their bluntness is part of the issue. Social skills are not acquired automatically by people who are autistic, and have to be learnt which takes time.

Model / role-play appropriate interactions, provide her with playdates, preferably younger ones that will be easier for her. Social stories work well for discussing social expectations. Peer-groups are the hardest for an autistic child to cope with growing up.

Many autistic people actually prefer to play alone as it is easier not having to navigate social rules. Social rules will be learnt the hard way, through experience, but all the support you can give will help if she is seeking to play with others.

Just as a little aside note - "functioning labels" are not used any more, and are not appropriate as an autistic person is able to function differently depending on the environment, and can be more able in some situations than others. The degree of difficulty and support needs are now used to differentiate between a person who has high support needs and those with lower support needs. A persons support needs can fluctuate a generally the person is put into one of three categories. So if your daughter were diagnosed the description would be ASD level 1 with generally a low level of support needs.

Thanks @milliefiori I'll look out for the books. I'm glad your boy has a lovely group of friends. I dread the teen years with bitchy teenage girls

Dd7 has ASD (as does dd11). My 7yo has more issues in maintaining friendships. Last term we started an after school activity similar to brownies. First term was horrid. The other kids called her a weirdo and she reacted violently. I decided to give it one more shot and at the first session something just gelled with her and the other kids. Is there a more structured after-school class she could attend to start meeting people? Swimming, dance, gymnastics?

Cubs might be good as it's quite structured. (More so than Rainbows and Brownies from what friends with girls tell me.)