Worried about my daughter making friends

[Piplette]

So my DD(5) has just started school.

She loves it and seems to have a large group of friends but whenever I observe her playing with friends she's the one who's tagging along rather than being fully engaged in play - if that makes sense?

If she tries to instigate a specific game etc she's ignored and is more of a follower than a leader.

She's always just in the outskirts of the group - they rarely seek her out and she is sometimes left out.

This is very similar to how I was as a child. I had friends but was always just on the outside. I was relentlessly bullied and its led to me being quite introvert as an adult. I have lots of friends but still not in the inner circle.

It makes me so sad to think my daughter will have the same childhood that I did but I don't know if there is anything that can be done about it.

Appreciate any suggestions or ideas how to help her!

First of all - don't project. She may be similar to you, but she is her own person.
Let her find her way. Model friendly behaviour. Invite children to play. Encourage her.
I always think having friends outside of school is invaluable. Having friends through shared interests for example.
It's tough and you really want your kids to have a lovely childhood, but you also learn by experience and sometimes that comes from getting it wrong.
It's also very early days if she's just started school. Talk to her teacher if you are worried.

Absolutely! I know I shouldn't project but given my experience it's hard. Watching her 3 friends skipping away from her hand in hand while she tags along at the back breaks my heart.

I don't think she notices too much although she will sometimes complain that her friends won't play with her.

Will definitely arrange some play dates - I guess it will be a while before they settle into their proper little friendship groups and it will change over time.

I'm another one advising activities outside of school. Both my children were like your DD at school - I used to watch them in the playground and worry like you do. But luckily my DH was a very sporty man ( unlike me) and really pushed for them both to start playing a sport .

They both played football from an early age , and it was marvelous to see them blossom in that smaller group activity. They made friends and learned to work in a group , which was great for their personal development as well as making friends. When they were back in school, the kids from football were there and so they'd play with them, kicking the ball and having fun.

If she is interested I'd highly recommend a sport activity, or Rainbow Guides, anything where she would be in a smaller group. Good luck !

I'd second Brownies, although it would be Rainbows at her age. They tend to be very good at encouraging fair play and inclusion.

Thanks all. She's on the wait list for rainbows and already does dancing, football and tennis so hoping she finds her tribe and doesn't end up like me!!