Newbie difficult question

[MrsStewart]

I'm not even sure if I should be asking this here, but ask I will. I actually posted here yonks ago when my DD was a babbie, she's 16 tomorrow.
Which leads me to my question, and I'll just spit it out. I'm 45, and I'm only now in a position where I could have another child. My daughter is indifferent but mostly says yeah it'd be good, hubby (together 8yrs married last) is easy either way, but I know he would be wonderful if we went for it cos he's a great dad already. I would love another child so much but am unsure if I'm being selfish and/or deluding myself. (Health wise though just had all the checks and am good to go). But am I insane? A 16 year gap? Or should I (to coin an overused phrase) go with my heart? Thanks in advance, and please, be gentle. :)

Happy 16th to DD!

There's a lot of well reported risks associated with being an older mum - problems conceiving, increased risks in labour, increased chance of the child having a disability. Personally I'm not sure I could weigh up the risks in favour - especially about having a child with disabilities and what would happen if you died early (sorry, it's all a bit morbid isn't it).

I think there's a lot of positives to having a nearly adult and about the new found freedoms you may gain over the coming years. I don't think I could be willing to give that up in favour of getting up every two hours of a night with a newborn or dealing with toddler tantrums (full disclosure, I've got a toddler).

At 45 it may not be so easy to have another baby.

Happy Birthday to DD 😊 I can see why you feel like this and why the idea of another baby is tempting. However, it can't be easy dealing with the sleepless nights in your mid 40's. I just can't imagine it dealing with teen in my late 50's. Lots of people do it though, I know.

I've just had number 3 and am 41. Age was my only risk factor and the consultant and midwives often said through my pregnancy that they'd be more worried about an unhealthy 25 year old than me. Of course, there are risks with being older, but I felt the risks were not high enough to prevent us from having our last one. I am also not minding the sleepless nights at all - in fact I am so grateful for our addition and mindful that he is our last one I am kind of revelling in it all! Should caveat though, I guess, he has so far been pretty chilled out and doesn't sleep too badly. You obviously need your husband to be totally on board with having a baby, and it's right to consider the effect it may have on your daughter. It seems to me it's also probably healthy not to get your hopes up too much in case it doesn't happen... but, if you can offer a new bubba a happy and loving family, I don't see that your age, or the fact your daughter is of an age where you have more freedom to do other things, are reasons you couldn't/shouldn't go for it.

Go for it if you really want to, although it may not be so easy at 45. If you would regret not trying and giving it this last shot then do it and see what happens.

Good luck.

Hi all thanks so much for all that. I'm very aware of losing potential 'freedom' that's so close I can taste it yes and also of how tiring it'll be at the beginning, particularly 16 years on from my first one! I really do think my DD will love it and it'll be especially good for her down the line to have another sibling. Hubby will be v hands on cos that's how he is, completely supportive and helpful, I wouldn't have any worries there (she said tempting fate). It's very encouraging to hear you @Winchking saying how you're revelling in it etc, and thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me I really hope it keeps going great for you. On balance anyway we're going to try (for a fixed period of time not forever) and go for it.. Doc says I'm healthy and bloody tests etc don't show anything hormonally or reproduction area wise that'd be a concern so fingers and toes crossed! Thanks again, really appreciate so much.