How to manage the baby routine with a school age sibling

[BingBo]

I found I have to choose between them when it comes to evening time.

DS1 is 7, whilst his baby sibling is only 3 months old. The baby needs lots of sleep/nap.

In the morning it's more straightforward, everyone just wake up more or less the same time. The baby sometimes naps a bit more after the morning feeding, sometimes doesn't. But on the way back from dropoff, he usually falls asleep anyway.

It's the evening I found extra tricky. DS1 usually is very bubbly and active. I can't have the baby nap around him much, as it's almost like torturing him to keep him less noisy.

Then baby gets sleepy and tired, ready for his bedtime around 6/7. And I have to feed him to sleep and keep holding him for another an hour or so before I could put him down without waking up him. - He's a very gasy baby, but he dream-feeding perfectly. He can usually dream-feed for over an hour. I think that's the opportunity when he tanks up for going through the long night.

DS1 usually starts bedtime around 7:30 with bedtime story and some one-to-one "talking time" with either me or his daddy.

So in the past few months, I had been trying to prioritise DS1 in the evening, as that's the only time he's around me. But i found it harder and harder when the baby obviously is tired and needs sleep. So gradually, I couldn't read story or spend the one-to-one time with DS1 anymore. His daddy most of the time could help with his bedtime, but DH some days could come back home really late (long commute) and DS1 feels sad that he doesn't get to be close to me before he goes to sleep (I'd be feeding the baby in his sleep).

How do you manage the evening time with two children of different needs? I found something needs to change, but I don't know what and how...

I don't understand why all the line breaks disappeared!

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I found I have to choose between them when it comes to evening time. DS1 is 7, whilst his baby sibling is only 3 months old. The baby needs lots of sleep/nap.

In the morning it's more straightforward, everyone just wake up more or less the same time. The baby sometimes naps a bit more after the morning feeding, sometimes doesn't. But on the way back from dropoff, he usually falls asleep anyway.

It's the evening I found extra tricky. DS1 usually is very bubbly and active. I can't have the baby nap around him much, as it's almost like torturing him to keep him less noisy. Then baby gets sleepy and tired, ready for his bedtime around 6/7. And I have to feed him to sleep and keep holding him for another an hour or so before I could put him down without waking up him. - He's a very gasy baby, but he dream-feeding perfectly. He can usually dream-feed for over an hour. I think that's the opportunity when he tanks up for going through the long night.

DS1 usually starts bedtime around 7:30 with bedtime story and some one-to-one "talking time" with either me or his daddy. So in the past few months, I had been trying to prioritise DS1 in the evening, as that's the only time he's around me. But i found it harder and harder when the baby obviously is tired and needs sleep. So gradually, I couldn't read story or spend the one-to-one time with DS1 anymore.

His daddy most of the time could help with his bedtime, but DH some days could come back home really late (long commute) and DS1 feels sad that he doesn't get to be close to me before he goes to sleep (I'd be feeding the baby in his sleep).

How do you manage the evening time with two children of different needs? I found something needs to change, but I don't know what and how...

I found baby just had to adapt to fit with older sibling. I'd would feed the baby whilst doing bed time stories with bigger child then once they were settled focus on sorting out the baby. A sling was also a life saver for this as I could keep baby with me and have my hands free to sort older one.

Sit on the floor cross legged, breastfeed the baby and read to the older child at the same time! Carry on the ‘tanking up’ feed (which mine did too!) whilst doing everything else at the same time!

Your two children will have to compromise - your baby will have to learn to sleep through a bit of noise, and your DS will have to learn to be quiet from 6:30 onwards. Perhaps if you give your DS a warning about 20 minutes before he has to be quiet, then he knows he can be as loud and as bubbly as he likes until then!
Try to involve your DS in your baby’s bedtime routine - perhaps he can help to bath DS2.

I'd bath ds and get his pj on before the dream feed. Then story and feed at same time. You can chat to ds etc. Then I'd leave ds with light on to read if baby is ready to sleep, put baby down and then go back to ds1 for night time kisses and cuddles.

Agree with previous posters about trying to read stories to DS1 while baby feeds and settles. I still do this if DH is not home at bedtime, the ‘baby’ is 14 months now but his bedtime is around 7. It also prevents DC1’s bedtime slipping too late as it gets that bit of the routine done.

You’ll probably find the baby can be put down more easily as they get older so the long dreamfeed will be less of an issue.

I’ve also found that as DC2 has got older they are less sensitive to noise. At 3 months the duvet rustling would wake them but now they will settle through background noise as long as it’s not excessive.so it should get easier for your older one.

They both have to fit around each other. Baby just came wherever during the day and naps happened in the car/around the school run.

In the evenings, your older one is old enough to entertain himself while you put baby to bed and then you spend time with him after. Mine just reads or draws or plays in her room if there is only one of us to do bedtime (they have their bath at the same time and 6 year old can dress herself). When I’m done with her brother, I come in and spend time with her before bed.

Ds has just been slotted in as best as possible to the existing routine, as obviously school times etc aren’t flexible.

If DH is away and can’t do dd’s bedtime then I tend to take ds in and feed him while reading to dd. Then settle ds to sleep afterwards.

I focus much more on dd routine as ds arriving with unsettling for her so wanted to keep things as normal as possible.

I had one school age and two babies. So id do school run, younger baby would nap on the way back. Lunch, play, go out etc, then both would nap at 1-3, before collection in the afternoon. Often we didn’t have naps. Often everyone was miserable. But it’s getting better as they both have just the afternoon nap now.

Oh and evening - they all have dinner together, then the older one sits doing homework or playing or reading while I do the babies baths, (save the water for the next one) then get them ready for bed together, story together etc. Youngest baby goes straight down, the older one needs me to sit with him.

Then the older one has his bath, and I do the bedtime for him after, although it’s not much these days except leaving out his pjs and reminding him to clean his teeth!