Better off without me

[shareacco]

I often think my babies deserve someone better than me to be their mother. I don't know why I think this. I'm a mum to twins and I love them so much I think they're so amazing that they deserve a better parent and they would be better off without me.

If you are thinking like this you can't be very well OP, have you spoken to anyone in real life about how you are feeling? You need support if you are feeling this way, because what you are thinking simply isn't true, you are your babies world.

No I haven't. I recently attended interviews and I didn't get the jobs - I tried my best. Just felt like hitting my head against a brick wall so I think it's that. I'm feeling quite low and just want to be accepted. Going in the right direction. As a stay at home mum , I'm just not valued in society. I love it though but would also like to be self employed . I love my babies so much Z

I've had thoughts like this and it was because I was not well. I think you need to see a GP as a matter of urgency, and tell them what you've said here.

Society is a mess so don't worry about whether you are seen as valued there!

The only thing that matters in their little world right now is getting love and bonding from the one person who is 'theirs' - and that's you! Whether you're working, not working, have friends, where you live - it all means nothing in terms of what's best for them. Just you loving and caring for them is best.

Keep plodding on with all the drudgery and chores and figuring out how to get a job. It'll sort itself somehow. You are doing the most important thing in the world at the same time though (bringing up new people), so don't lose sight of that, and don't worry and about how society, or anyone else, might view you.

@SleepWarrior thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It really meant a lot actually.

Glad to help. Totally get how you're feeling and have been there a good few times and come back from it - it's always turned out to have been about how I was feeling rather than whether I was doing a good enough job. Exhaustion, monotony, comparing to others too much, diet, support, time spent outdoors were big contributing factors for me and my mood/ability to cope.

It's a long tough job looking after babies, even if it seems basic on the surface. Hang in there and always aim be as kind to yourself as you would a friend confiding in you.

I hope you are ok. Don't ever think that. The doctors may be able to offer you advice on this

Thanks. Yeah, I think as a society we overlook women's work. I just felt as if I wasn't doing anything if not working for money. And other women in my life were the worst to judge. Saying , try working full time , looking after the kids and doing laundry after the kids go to bed - my argument is that kids are in childcare all day so they don't do it all , they work instead. Anyway , I don't have a problem with women working - I think it's great if women chose to work - or chose to look after the kids. Each to their own. What I won't stand for is to be shamed for not working for money.

It's hard work being a mum and I think mums put so much pressure on themselves.

I have a huuuuge respect for stay at home mum's, I don't know how you do it. My mum stopped working after my eldest sister was a couple of months old (she was able to work from home) and then raised the three of us, doing work as a playgroup leader so we could also go, then home craft stuff such as making jewellery and cards until we were at secondary school when she went back to working full-time.

I think people underestimate how much you have to do as a mum. I'm on mat leave with my 12 week old and I find this more chaotic and difficult than being at work (shift working in a 24/7 crisis team). The days can feel quite tedious and sooo much to do, endless washing, cleaning, nappy changing, feeding, tidying, entertaining, shopping etc.

So I salute you for how much it must take each day doing what you do! Definitely valuable member of society (more than lots of people I imagine!) Keep doing the amazing job I'm sure you're doing and if you are wanting to work there are always lots of new opportunities from home, bodyshop, avon etc

Thank you! I think people do underestimate but I think the problem was also with me - I had shame in being a stay at home mum being raised as a feminist and I have a masters degree. A friend of mine said I was wasting my brain!

I gave up my job last month to be a sahm. I'm so miserable it's unreal. I hate my dp for being about to go out and have a lunch break. He didn't get home until 8 last night and I was so upset. He doesn't realise that I only get a break when he's home.

My dd is only 10mo so I do want to wait before looking for a job. I find that keeping busy is the key. I'm so bloody bored though.

Keep going, like me I'm hoping it will get better xxx