11 year old out of control

[Deaglan1]

My 11 year olds behaviour is out of control. I have just spent the last 3 hours of her screaming and crying refusing to go back into her own bed. Its 1.45am. She is hitting me and my husband. Volatile and aggressive constantly. She has been to play therapy and psychologists and nothing is working. We are really trying to help her but nothing is working. She is refusing to listen or engage in any techniques given. She has play dates and after school activities. I am so stressed and I am unsure what to do

What were some of the techniques suggested by the psychologist.

What is her diagnosis if she has one?

She has not been diagnosed with any disorder. Some techniques were to hold hands and to sit on the floor and discuss the feeling. She is a very kind child but her behaviour is effecting family life. I may add that she is a model child in school bar some concentration issues. It is so hard not to lose temper with her which we have done but really try not to. The best way to describe it is that it's like she is not in control of her emotions and that being told no to something results in toddler like screaming and crying.

was she asleep and wakes up like this, is she fully awake?
does this behavior happen any time when at home?
has the psychologist even hinted at anything?

Yes it can happen at any time. Generally when asked to do tasks or routine stuff or if told no to something. No they didn't pick up on anything soi stopped her sessions 25 sessions later and none of this was being picked up on! I've gone to my GP and waiting for another assessment. She also acts like this to my parents and sister but never to friends or teacher. Very obedient in school.

Have you heard or read about Pathological Demand Avoidance? I think it’s worth a look from what you’ve said.

My kid is like this. We are waiting for Theraplay. I don't think it'll help.

Yours sounds like the classic Coca-Cola kid; shakes at school etc and the lid comes off at home

The book The Explosive Child would probably be helpful to you. There is no diagnosis necessary to use the approach in it, but it's very different to "standard" parenting as children who have outbursts like this typically do not respond to standard parenting.

I agree with looking at the resources on the PDA website.

Sounds like possible Autistic spectrum condition. Girls are especially good at ‘masking’/ coping at school and their fears, anxiety, anger etc comes out at home in their safe space and with their safe adults

Maybe you could try the short sharp shock,it must be terrible coping with that behaviour.I wouldn't dare of behaved like that towaeds my parents as I knew the consequences even if they are classed as outdated these days